"Put a sock in it! I don't care who does what to your Hershey highway. And stop shouting, I'm not deaf! You know why you are shouting? Because it's in the script. You're the comic relief. Yes. And you know what else? I am the hero. SO SHUT UP!"

"[To Danny Madigan] I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you."

"[Directly to the audience] If God was a villain - he'd be me."

"Sophia Choi - herself"

"Bill Maher - himself"

"Gia Carides - Cashmere McLeod"

"Chelcie Ross - Charlie Martin"

"Tony Shalhoub - Eddie Reyes"

"John Vargas - Lorenzo Delgado"

"Larry King - himself"

"Robert Cicchini - Jimmy Ozio"

"Charlie Rose - himself"

"Allison Janney - Miss Walsh"

"Robert Klein - Norman Asher"

"Mykelti Williamson - Dewayne Smith"

"J. C. Quinn - Uncle Charlie"

"Tommy Hollis - William "Fat Willie" McCollister"

"Rob Reiner - Izzy Rosenblatt"

"Robert Easton - Dr. Beauregard"

"Ben L. Jones - Arlen Sporken"

"Geraldo Rivera - himself"

"Caroline Aaron - Lucille Kaufman"

"Kathy Bates - Libby Holden"

"Maura Tierney - Daisy Green"

"Paul Guilfoyle - Howard Ferguson"

"He was born to run."

"Comes The Story Of A Man Of The People And The People Who Made In The Man"

"What went down on the way to the top."

"Larry Hagman - Governor Fred Picker"

"How Much Spin Does It Take To Win?"

"[while watching Shane] Come back, Shane. Run for president."

"I'm not comparing the players. I don't like the game."

"They're Not Exactly A Well Organized Well-Oiled Machine, But That's Their Secret."

"[about Jack Stanton] He's poked his pecker in some sorry trash bins."

"Comes The Story Of A Man Who Says Yes To Destiny But Couldn't Say No To Anything Else"