"[last words] Say hello to your mother! [gets poked through his umbrella stab wound and screams; almost stabs Sidney, but he gets shot in the right shoulder by Gale] [Gale: Guess I remembered the safety that time, you bastard.] [his supposed dead body is examined] [Randy: Careful. This is the moment when the supposedly dead killer comes back to life for one last scare.] [wakes up to try to attack; Gale screams, but Sidney shoots him through the head] [Sidney: Not in my movie.]"

"You hear that, Stu? I think she wants a motive. Well, I don't really believe in motives Sid; I mean, did Norman Bates have a motive? Did we ever find out why Hannibal Lecter liked to eat people? Don't think so! See, it's a lot scarier when there's no motive."

"It works better without the safety on."

"[when Sidney asks why they're murdering people] It's all part of the game, Sidney. It's called "Guess How I'm Gonna Die?"!"

"[to Sidney after she says that life isn't a movie] Sure it is, Sid. It's all a movie. It's all a great big movie. Only you can pick your genre."

"[after he tells Sidney to play a game called "Guess How I'm Gonna Die?" and she says "Fuck you!"] We already played that game, remember?"

"It's called subtlety, Stu. You should look it up."

"[to Sidney] That woman was a slut-bag whore who flashed her shit all over town like she was Sharon Stone or something!"

"[after Stu tells Sidney she dies if she gets a question wrong] If you get it right, you die."

"Loose the titties."

"[after Sidney says that they've seen one too many scary movies] Now, Sid, don't you blame the movies; movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!"

"[after Randy says that Stu has gone completely mad] "We all go a little mad sometimes." [shoots Randy in the shoulder] Anthony Perkins, Psycho. Mmm, corn syrup: same stuff they used for pigs' blood in Carrie."

"What do I have to do to prove to you that I'm not a killer?"

"[after dragging out Sidney's beaten, bound, and gagged father] What's behind door number three, Sidney?"

"See, it's a fun game, Sidney. We ask you questions and if you get one wrong, boo-gah, you die."

"I will totally protect you. Yo, I am so buff, I got you covered, girl."

"[after he finds that Gale has stolen the gun] Um, Houston, we have a problem!"

"[after Billy compares Sidney's mother to Sharon Stone.] We put her out of her misery, 'cause, let's face it, Sid, your mother was no Sharon Stone!"

"[after Gale reveals that she was still alive] She looked dead, man. Still does."

"I can't, Billy. You cut me too deep. I think I'm dying here, man."

"When do we see breasts? I wanna see Jamie Lee's breasts. When do we see Jamie Lee's breasts?"

"[after Sidney calls the police] My mom and dad are gonna be so mad at me!"

"Everybody dies but us. We get to carry on and plan the sequel, 'cause—let's face it, baby—these days, you gotta have a sequel."

"[after Randy tells him to never say "be right back"] I'm getting another beer. Want one? [Randy: Yeah, sure.] I'll be right back!!"

"How do you...gut someone?"

"But this is life. This isn't a movie."

"You know, if, if I was wrong about Cotton Weary, then the killer's still out there."

"[Ghostface: Do you like scary movies?] What's the point? They're all the same. Some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can't act who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door. It's insulting."

"[Billy: Hello?] [as Ghostface] Are you alone in the house? [Billy: Bitch! You bitch! Where the fuck are you?!] Not so fast. We're gonna play a little game. It's called [normal voice] "Guess Who Just Called the Police and Reported Your Sorry Motherfucking Ass"! [Billy: Find her, you dipshit! Get up!] [Stu: I can't, Billy. You already cut me too deep. I think I'm dying here, man.] [Billy: [puts phone on Stu and whispers] ] [Stu: Hello?] Ohh, Stu, Stu, Stu. What's your motive? Billy's got one. The police are on their way. What are you going to tell them? [Stu: Peer pressure. I'm far too sensitive.] [Billy: We'll rip you up, you bitch, just like your fucking mother!] You've gotta find me first, you pansy-ass mama's boy!"

"You sick fucks. You've seen one too many movies!"

"I'm sorry if my traumatized life is an inconvenience to your perfect existence."

"Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?"

""Big" Jim Martin - Sir. James Martin"

"George Carlin - Rufus"

"Pam Grier - Ms. Wardroe"

"Joss Ackland - Chuck De Nomolos"

"William Sadler - Grim Reaper"

"Alex Winter - Bill S. Preston, Esq./Granny Preston/Evil Robot Bill"

"Keanu Reeves - Ted Logan/Evil Robot Ted"

"Whoa dude! Pressed hams!"

"It's a trip."

"Bill & Ted party on!"

"Once... they made history. Now... they are history."

"[to the future student] And most importantly; do not do your homework without your headphones on. Repeat- [gets interrupted by the arrival of De Nomolos]"

"[Describing their experience in Hell] That was non, non non, NON-heinous!"

"[first glimpse of Hell] This is not like I expected at all! We got totally lied to by our album covers."