"Let me guess: You are Dick Steele. Agent WD-40 and with the Secret Service. You are 52. You like big screen TVs and you wish to stop General Rancor."

"[To the armless Rancor] I'd shake your hand, but I don't remember where it landed."

"Crazy? Some people think walking down the street muttering to yourself is crazy. I'll tell you what crazy is: Crazy is walking down the street with half a cantaloupe on your head, saying: "I'm a hamster. I'm a hamster." That's crazy."

"I'm Bud Fudlacker. I have a small mail order business. I travel with the American Gladiators. I'm 55. I like small appliances, and I do tax accounting on the side."

"Billy Blanks - Billy Cole"

"Badja Djola - Alley Thug"

"Taylor Negron - Milo"

"Danielle Harris - Darian Hallenbeck"

"Chelsea Field - Sarah Hallenbeck"

"Damon Wayans - James Alexander Dix"

"Bruce Willis - Joseph Cornelius Hallenbeck"

"Everyone had counted them out. But they're about to get back in the game."

"They're two fallen heroes up against the gambling syndicate in pro sports."

"The goal is to survive."

"Inspector: This is a police matter, you dumb son of a bitch! And I'm sick and tired of sweeping up your dead bodies! Now the next time I see your ugly mug...I'm gonna put a bullet in it! You got it?"

"Billy Cole: Ain't life a bitch?"

"Sarah Hallenbeck: Call your shrink, Joe! Call him and tell him that you're fucking losing it!"

"Darian Hallenbeck: (to Jimmy) What the hell is that number on the back of your head? What is that, like a license plate in case someone tries to steal it?"

"Push this vile, fuck off the road man!"

"You back off Joseph... Or I'm gonna show your daughter what a hot date I am..."

"[Threatening Joe with his knife] You think you are so fucking cool, don't you? You think you are so fucking cool. But just once, I would like to hear you scream in pain..."

"Excuse me, but did any of you stupid shits bother to frisk this FUCK?!"

"I am the bad guy."

"Naughty boy, Joseph... You just killed a police officer."

"[Before shooting a cop, "Good morning gentlemen, is there a problem?"] Yes, officer, as a matter of fact there is a problem, apparently there are too many bullets in this gun."

"If you go any faster we're gonna travel back through time."

"[Jimmy has just survived being thrown off an overpass and is now trying to calm startled motorists] It's okay. It's okay, folks. It's okay. It's okay. Thank you. Thank you. Danger is my middle name. Don't try this at home, folks. I'm a trained professional. There's me, and there's Super Dave.[Passes out]"

"[to himself] Okay, what would Joe do at a time like this? He'd shoot everybody and smoke some cigarettes."

"I figure you gotta be the dumbest guy in the world, Joe. You're trying the save the life of the man who ruined your career, and avenge the death of the guy that fucked your wife."

"The truth is a beautiful thing."

"Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You’re gonna lose. Smile, you fuck!"

"Hey Milo, where you callin' from? The bottom of the pool?"

"[giving Jimmy a briefcase full of $6 million] Go buy yourself a new pair of pants."

"I swear to Christ that if I survive this fucking case I'm gonna dance a jig."

"Water is wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets ... who gives a fuck?"

"This is the '90s. You don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first"

"Lucas Black - Stevie"

"Terry O'Quinn - Special Agent in Charge Darius Michaud"

"Michael Shamus Wiles - Black-Haired Man"

"Jeffrey DeMunn - Ben Bronschweig"

"Tom Braidwood - Melvin Frohike"

"Bruce Harwood - John Fitzgerald Byers"

"Dean Hagland - Richard 'Ringo' Langly"

"John Neville - Well-Manicured Man"

"William B. Davids - Cigarette-Smoking Man"

"Mitch Pilleggi - Assistant Director Walter Skinner"