"Have you noticed that the human race is divided into two distinct, irreconciliable groups? Those who walk into rooms and automatically turn television sets on, and those who walk into rooms and automatically turn them off. You know, the problem is, they usually marry each other which naturally causes a great deal of..."

"We flew to Maryland last night. We got married. We just got back...There we were, the Queen of Diamonds and me looking like, I don't know, like Gaucho Marx... Ben, I just made a joke. Not a very good joke, I admit, but a joke. Ben, in all the years that you've known me, have you ever heard me make a joke? Well, I just made one. Gaucho Marx! Me! Ha! Big day! Mark that down in your book. Raymond Shaw got married and he made a joke. Gaucho Marx."

"[Of his mother, Mrs. Iselin] She won, of course. She always does. I could never beat her. I still can't... I'm not loveable. But I loved her. I did love her. I do love her."

"You just cannot believe, Ben, how loveable the whole damn thing was. All summer long, we were together. I was loveable, Jocie was loveable, the Senator was loveable, the days were loveable, the nights were loveable, and everybody was loveable - except, of course, my mother."

"My mother, Ben, is a terrible woman. A terrible, terrible woman... You know, Ben, it's a terrible thing to hate your mother. But I didn't always hate her. When I was a child, I only kind of disliked her. But after what she did to Jocie and me, that's when I began to hate her... Jocie Jordan - Senator Jordan's daughter... Thomas Jordan's daughter and Johnny Iselin's step-son... Years later, I realized, Ben, that I am not very loveable... Some people are loveable and some people are not loveable. I am not loveable. Oh, but I was very loveable with Jocie. Ben, you can't believe how loveable I was."

"Twelve days of Christmas! One day of Christmas is loathsome enough!"

"You know how much the guys in the outfit hated me. Well, not as much as I hated them, of course."

"Peter MacNicol as Dr. Janosz Poha"

"Annie Potts as Janine Melnitz"

"Rick Moranis as Louis Tully"

"William T. Deutschendorf and Hank J. Deutschendorf II as Baby Oscar"

"Sigourney Weaver as Dana Barrett"

"Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddemore"

"Dan Aykroyd as Dr. Raymond Stantz"

"Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman"

"Harold Ramis as Dr. Egon Spengler"

"I'm not interested in doing anything I've already done, and I thought the second one was a disappointment."

"We're back!"

"The Superstars of the Supernatural are back. And this time, it's no marshmallow roast."

"Be ready to believe us."

"Guess who's coming to save the world again?"

"Wilhelm von Homburg and Max von Sydow as the body and voice of Vigo the Carpathian, respectively"

"Kurt Fuller as Jack Hardemeyer"

"David Margulies as Mayor Lenny"

"Janet Margolin as Prosecuting Attorney "Kitten""

"Harris Yulin as Judge Stephen Wexler"

"[when he spins a 1] One. God, I suck."

"[card reads "FLUNK SPACE ACADEMY Go back 1 space"] I'm not even going to comment on that."

"It's just a goat; it's just a goat… [space goat opens 4 additional eyes]"

"IT'S METEORS!! TAKE ERASIVE ACTION!! TAKE ERASIVE ACTION!!"

"[after the Robot is reprogrammed and fights off the Zorgons] Guess that's what's the reprogram card's for."

"[angrily blaming Danny] IT'S YOUR FAULT MOM AND DAD GOT DIVORCED!"

"[to Danny; gently] I'm your brother. And that's what being a brother means. Means I'll never let anything happen to you."

"Jeff Wolfe: Zorgon"

"Joe Bucaro III: Zorgon (as Joe Bucaro)"

"Douglas Tait: Zorgon"

"Derek Mears: Lead Zorgon"

"John Alexander: Robot"

"Frank Oz: Robot (voice)"

"Tim Robbins: Dad"

"Kristen Stewart: Lisa"

"Josh Hutcherson: Walter"

"Jonah Bobo: Danny"

"[reads card] "Reprogram"? [to Danny] What the heck does that mean?!"

"Adventure is waiting."

"A new adventure from the world of Jumanji."

"[to Lisa] The Astronaut, from the game we're in. [pointing at Danny] Danny spun me."

"Nope. I'm doing this because I've been eating paste out of a tube for 15 years."