"I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total … rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out; they ca…"

"They're trying to destroy my family, so I take great umbrage with that. And defeat is not an option. They picked a fi…"

"They were like 'AA this' and I was like 'Bye bye that'"

"Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber. (The TMZ Show)"

"Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed."

"I'm on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt …"

"I expose people to magic, I expose them to something they're never otherwise going to see in their boring normal lives."

"I don't believe in rock bottom. Rock bottom is like a fishing term."

"Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it this way."

"There’s been a tsunami of media, and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard."