Thomas Friends

"Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me."

"Rex: It's got no whistle."

"Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we?"

"Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully."

"Rex: They're silly but they're useful."

"Mike: What!"

"Rex: Farmers sell their wool."

"Mike: What's that?"

"Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint."

"Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight."

"Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy."

"The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train."

"Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex."

"Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy!"

"Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Narrator: He whistled.)"

"The trucks: On! On! On! (Narrator: Urged the silly trucks.)"

"The passengers: Ooh! Look! There's been an accident!"

"Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky."

"Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all."

"Mike: Sorry we laughed."

"The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done."

"I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of Thomas the Tank Engine in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of Eagle annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like Railtrack."

"Mike: Mine's better than yours anyway."

"Narrator: The trucks complained bitterly; but then, trucks always do and no one takes much notice. The coaches complained too. No sooner had they arrived with one train, then they had to go out again with fresh passengers as another."

"Coaches: We don't know whether we're coming or going. We feel quite distracted."

"Henry: No one can say that we're afraid of hard work, but..."

"Gordon: We draw the line at goods trains."

"James: Dirty trucks, dirty sidings. Ugh!"

"Duck: What are you boiler aching about? I remember on the great western..."

"Gordon: That tinpot railway...."

"Duck: Tinpot indeed! Let me tell you..."

"The Fat Controller: I hear you've lost your numbers. How did that happen?"

"57645 and 57646: They may have slyly slipped off Sir. You know who it is."

"The Fat Controller: I know. Accidentally on purpose."

"57646: Sir! You wouldn't be thinking we lost them on purpose?"

"The Fat Controller: I'm not so sure. Now then, which of you is 57646?"

"57645 and 57646: That (Sir) is just what we cannot mind."

"The Fat Controller: What are your names?"

"57645 and 57646: Donald and Douggie, Sir."

"The Fat Controller: Good! Then your controller can tell me which is which."