"Thank you... I deserve that. I'm really good. I'm one of the best. Actually, I'm the best, currently ranked number one in the world. So buckle up. You guys are in for a treat. Oh, 19,000 people, This is awesome. Thank you. Seriously, don't look around. It's 19,000. People watching on TV, they never know. They're so stupid. That's why they watch TV."

"I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance — fake... We have shows like Extreme Make-Over. "I don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.""

"I've probably saved thousands of people's lives with my educational message on snake bites, how to get in around venomous anything. Yeah, I'm a thrill seeker, but crikey, education's the most important thing."

"I don't know, man; don't worry about it."

"I have a message for my fans. Whatever you want to do in this world, it is achievable. The most important thing that I've found, that perhaps you could use, is be passionate and enthusiastic in the direction that you choose in life, and you'll be a winner."

"Crikey, mate. You're far safer dealing with crocodiles and western diamondback rattlesnakes than the executives and the producers and all those sharks in the big MGM building."

"Crikey means gee whiz, wow!"

"I've got the Terri factor, mate. I've got this wife that is so incredibly intelligent and strong that I reckon, between us, we'll get through it."

"I'm very embarrassing to look at. You know why? Here's why I'm embarrassing: 'cause there's a little bit of me in everybody... I'm like the boy that never grew up. I'm very, very passionate about what I do. I mean, I love what I do....and people are like "God, give this guy a valium or something, you know? Can't he have a bad day?""

"I have a deep-seated respect for parrots. As gifted as I am with all other wildlife, parrots have this uncanny desire to kill me. I'm not sure why, but they're like my kryptonite!"

"Born a wildlife warrior, die a wildlife warrior."

"If something ever happens to me, people are gonna be like 'we knew a croc would get him!'"

"I think my path would have always gone back to or delivered me to wildlife. I think wildlife is just like a magnet, and it's something that I can't help."

"And [Steve] came up on Croc One, and we sat down and had a talk. And he said, "Look, this is what I want to do and I want you to teach me about it." And I said, "Look, Steve, you do realize that people think you're an absolute moron." And he went, "Yeah." And I said, "Are you?" And he said, "Jamie, do you watch my shows?" And I went, "Not really." And he said, "Do you watch any of them?" And I said, "Yeah, a couple." And he said, "Why do you watch?" I said, "To see what you're gonna do wrong." He said, "Gotcha! The moment I've got you whipped in to see whether I'm gonna do anything wrong, I can tell you anything. And you're gonna remember it.""

"Love-thirty, love-forty, oh! weakness of joy, The speed of a swallow, the grace of a boy, With carefullest carelessness, gaily you won, I am weak from your loveliness, Joan Hunter Dunn.Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, Miss Joan Hunter Dunn, How mad I am, sad I am, glad that you won. The warm-handled racket is back in its press, But my shock-headed victor, she loves me no less."

"Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down."

"For a man who was the undisputed master of comedy timing, you'd have to say that this was the only time when Jack Benny's timing was all wrong. He left us much too soon. He was stingy to the end. He only gave us eighty years and it wasn't enough."

"Bob Hope: Let's not do any jokes we didn't plan on, eh."

"Jack: [pointing a pistol at Bob's trousers] I'm going to blow your brains out."

"Clyde: Oh, we're not going to make that trip again, oh no."

"Jack: No, I just want to reach 40."

"'Clyde:' Frightened. Why, you yellow-belly. Do you want to live forever?"

"Jack: I'm scared, I'm frightened."

"Clyde: General Electric."

"Jack: What kind of tiger is that - Siberian or Bengal?"

"Clyde: I wondered why he had his hand on his hip when I shot him."

"Jack: [Pointing to the tiger] He must have gone to a veterinarian in Denmark."

"Clyde: Then the animals lit fires to keep us away."

"Jack: Yeah, then we ran out of water. For three weeks we couldn't even take a bath."

"Clyde: You're telling me. What about those first three nights, we had to light fires to keep the animals away."

"Jack: It's really dangerous, here in the jungle."

"Clyde: I knew as soon as we got off the freeway, we'd run into trouble."

"Jack: These last 2 miles were rugged, weren't they?"

"Bob: [about Bing Crosby] He's up in Nevada looking over Boulder Dam - his piggy bank is filled. He's so loaded, you know, he uses Howard Hughes for a bell boy."

"Bob: This is rather strange for me, I'm on the major network. [mouths ABC]"

"Jack: [out of shot] Darn right I am."

"Hope: You mean, Jack's actually wearing your pants?"

"Don Wilson: Because I had to give him mine."

"Bob Hope: Why do you want Jack's pants?"

"Don Wilson: [Poking his head through the curtains] Bob, Bob, quick, give me Jack's pants!"

"Bob Hope: Put your head back through there, or I'll start handing out baseballs to the audience."

"Jack: [poking his head through the stage curtains] Bob, will you please give me my pants back?"

"Bob: Welcome to the Lucky Strike Program. In just a few minutes, you'll see our star, Gypsy Rose Benny."

"Bob Hope: [finding some coins tied with string in Jack's trousers] When you ask this kid for a loan, and he says his money is tied up, he isn't kidding. This is an obstacle course for pickpockets."

"Bob Hope: By the way, this is where Bing did his last show and I think they've done very nicely. They've gotten most of it out of the curtains."

"Bob Hope: [on being on a CBS show] I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor at a P.T.A. meeting."

"Rochester: It would help if you bleed a little."

"Jack: What do you mean, you think? Can't you tell?"

"Rochester: I think I cut you."

"Jack: What's the matter?"