"Corrupt Cop: [Takes some PCP out of a baggie and tastes it] That's PCP! Phenycyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You're looking at 3 to 5 mandatory... Louis!"

"Officer Reynolds: [to Louis] Strip, you little shit, before I tear your ass!"

"[noticing Louis watch her undress] By the way, food and rent aren't the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch."

"He was wearing my Harvard tie. Can you believe it? MY Harvard tie. Like oh, sure, HE went to Harvard."

"I had the most absurd nightmare. I was poor and no one liked me. I lost my job, I lost my house, Penelope hated me and it was all because of this terrible, awful Negro. [sees Billy and attacks]."

"[to Penelope, as he is leaving jail] Those men wanted to have sex with me!"

"[introducing himself] Billy Ray Valentine, Capricorn."

"Hey that's the motherf- I mean... that's the gentleman that had me busted."

"When I was a kid, if we wanted a jacuzzi, we had to fart in the tub."

"[watching cops subduing an unruly suspect] May I suggest using your night stick officer?"

"[after demonstrating some fake karate moves while in jail] That's called the "quart of blood" technique. You do that, a quart of blood will drop out of a person's body."

"[while acting blind and legless] Hey, baby, what's happening? How are ya doing? Once you have a man with no legs, you never go back, baby. I know what you're thinkin'. You seen "Porgy and Bess"? [the woman begins to walk away] We can make it, baby! Me and you!... You BITCH!"

"Frank Oz - Corrupt Cop"

"Kristin Holby - Penelope Witherspoon"

"Paul Gleason - Clarence Beeks"

"Don Ameche - Mortimer Duke"

"Ralph Bellamy - Randolph Duke"

"Denholm Elliott - Coleman"

"Jamie Lee Curtis - Ophelia"

"Eddie Murphy - Billy Ray Valentine"

"Dan Aykroyd - Louis Winthorpe III"

"Take two complete strangers, make one of them rich the other poor... just watch the fun while they're... TRADING PLACES"

"Some very funny business."

"Kenny, I want the 10 year yield, I want the figures for the Andserson account and I want you to get your scrawny little backside out of my chair. Thank you."

"I'll give you a tip Bert. Never pat a burning dog."

"Real men don't play bridge."

"'Fraid so - be in touch."

"The only thing right about your intelligence is that its all wrong. But you were always at the back of the Conga line."

"Admit it, Love, this is because I wouldn't shag you at the Christmas Party, isn't it?"

"Oh Henry, Bloody Hell."

"Boss, why do you keep calling me 'ALF?' Because, as you're an aggressive little f*ck. As your boss and genetic superior, I can call you anything I want."

"Pardon my lips. They find joy in the most unusual places."

"Well done. Proves the adage that wisdom can be found in the most unlikely places."

"[on the book "Death in Venice"] Given the title, I don't think you'll be surprised by the ending."