Screenplays By Adam Sandler

"Ashley Loren as Bridget Hillard"

"Your son is so cute. How old is he?"

"As long as I am the last."

"Hey, guys! Motion 78!"

"Steve Buscemi as Wiley"

"Di Quon as Rita"

"[(seeing Bridget, Rob's resemblance daughter] Now, that makes sense."

"[looking at Jasmine's butt, as she is trying to fix the car bending over] I hope that car never gets fixed."

"Mommy, I want some milk."

"Mommy, can I have some of her milk?"

"You're wasting it!"

"I want mommy's milk!"

"David Spade as Marcus "Higgy" Higgins"

"Salma Hayek as Roxanne Chase-Feder"

"Madison Riley as Jasmine Hillard"

"Adam Sandler as Lenny Feder"

"Boys will be boys... some longer than others."

"Rob Schneider as Rob Hillard"

"Maria Bello as Sally Lamonsoff"

"Maya Rudolph as Deanne McKenzie"

"Kevin James as Eric Lamonsoff"

"I'm horny too!"

"[seeing Jasmine being sprayed with air by the car's bonnet] Hoochie Mama."

"Colin Quinn as Dickie Bailey"

"Chris Rock as Kurt McKenzie"

"Jamie Chung as Amber Hillard"

"Blake Clark as Coach"

"Cameron Boyce as Keithie Feder"

"Shift, shift."

"Is that making me horny? Yes!"

"If I don't make it to the funeral, tell the police it was Arlene from Applebee's."

"Ada-Nicole Sanger as Donna Lamonsoff"

"I bet you $5.00 he gets on one knee."

"I bang your mother one more time, then we go disco."

"I just want to make hair silky-smooth."

"It's nice to have a little talk before the Bang-Boom."

"You know, you shouldn't jump around when this nice woman is holding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move she could slip and slice your jugular vein, on accident. There is no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floor in four minutes. I have seen this. I have done this. You don't want this."

"I like this, being inside the outside."

"I like hair. It's pleasant. It's peaceful. No one gets hurt."

"Steve Buscemi as Homeless Man"

"Rob Schneider as Nazo"

"Leslie Mann as Corinne Maloney"

"Once you adopt a kid, you've got to keep him."

"Nature called. Look who answered."

"Adam Sandler as Sonny Koufax"

"The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel!"

"I thought I had a mother lined up for him, but she's busy banging the Pepperidge Farm guy."

"[drops a can in a supermarket] Dented cans are half-price. Microsoft went down 3 points. We gotta save some money."

"Dylan and Cole Sprouse as Julian McGrath"

"Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?"