"Father Ripper: We must pray the other teenagers of Sherwood, Ohio know the name of that righteous dude who can solve their problems: it's Jesus Christ, and he's in the book."

"Veronica, why are you pulling my dick?"

"God, Veronica. My afterlife is so boring. If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time…"

"Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red."

"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?"

"They all want me as a friend or a fuck. I'm worshipped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior."

"Grow up, Heather. Bulimia’s so ’87."

"Let's pretend I blew up the school - all the schools. Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?"

"Color me impressed. You, uh... you really fucked me up pretty bad, Veronica. You, um... you got power, power I didn’t think you had. The slate is clean."

"The extreme always seems to make an impression."

"[finding Veronica, who has apparently hanged herself] I can't believe you did it. I was teasing. I loved you. Course, I was coming up here to kill ya..."

"Today was great, chaos is great! Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling."

"Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except date rapes and AIDS jokes."

"Greetings and Salutations."

"I say we just grow up, be adults, and die."

"If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host."

"Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count. Everybody's sad...but it's kind of a weird kind of sad. Suicide gave Heather depth, Kurt a soul, Ram a brain! I don't know what it's given me, but I have no control over myself when I'm with J.D.! Are we going to prom or to hell?!"

"Dear Diary, Betty Finn was a true friend and I sold her out for a bunch of Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads. Killing Heather would be like offing the wicked witch of the west... wait east. West! God! I sound like a fucking psycho."

"Dear Diary: Heather told me she teaches people "real life." She said real life sucks losers dry. You want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly. I said, so you teach people how to spread their wings and fly? She said, "Yes." I said, "You're beautiful.""

"What is your damage, Heather?!"

"You're greedy, unfeeling, inept, indifferent, self-inflating, and unconscionably profitable. Besides that, I have nothing against you. I'm sure you play a hell of a game of golf."

"Stockard Channing - E.R. Nurse"

"Frances Sternhagen - Mrs. Sally Cushing"

"David Hooks - Dr. Joe Einhorn"

"Katherine Helmond - Mrs. Marilyn Mead"

"Kate Harrington - Nurse Dunne"

"Arthur Junaluska - Mr. Blacktree"

"Richard Hamilton - Dr. Ronald Casey"

"Lenny Baker - Dr. Howard Schaefer"

"Roberts Blossom - Guernsey"

"Jordan Charney - Hitchcock, Hospital Administration"

"Nancy Marchand - Mrs. Christie, Head of Nurses"

"Donald Harron - Dr. Milton Mead"

"Andrew Duncan - William "Willie" Mead"

"Stephen Elliott - Dr. John Sundstrom"

"Richard A. Dysart - Dr. Welbeck"

"Barnard Hughes - Edmund Drummond (and an uncredited role as Dr. Mallory, the OB/GYN who discovers he's got the wrong patient.)"

"Robert Walden - Dr. Brubaker"

"Diana Rigg - Miss Barbara Drummond"

"George C. Scott - Dr. Herbert "Herb" Bock"

"I may be crazy, but I think I've operated on the wrong patient."

"Watch them operate!"

"Madness, Murder and Malpractice."

"Behind the lab coat beats the heart of a man who's been pushed to the edge."

"Mrs. Cushing: Dr. Spezio, may I see you for a moment, Doctor, if you don't mind? Doctor is this your handwriting, if you don't mind? Am I supposed to read this? Was that a sprain? Was that a broken wrist? I can't read that scribbling. I mean I have to bill these people. I know you doctors are the ministering angels and I'm the bitch from the accounting department, but I've a job to do too. I mean, if you don't mind, Doctor."

"Mislaid. Mislaid among the broken wrists, the chest pains, the scalp lacerations, the man whose fingers were crushed in a taxi door, the infant with a skin rash, the child swiped by a car, the old lady mugged in the subway, the derelict beaten by sailors, the teenage suicide, the paranoids, drunks, asthmatics, the rapes, the septic abortions, the overdosed addicts, the fractures, infarcts, hemorrhages, concussions, boils, abrasions, the colonic cancers, the cardiac arrests - the whole wounded madhouse of our times."

"Now what in hell am I going to tell this boy Schaefer's parents? That a substitute nurse assassinated him because she couldn't tell the doctors from the patients on the floor? My God! The incompetence in this hospital is absolutely radiant... I mean, where do you train your nurses, Mrs. Christie, Dachau!?"