First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Lucy Porter: "I'll need you to shine a torch so I can see where I'll be sitting.""
"Marcus Brigstocke: "Last time I saw this, it had Charlton Heston in it.""
"Harry Enfield: "Here's Johnny!""
"Miles Jupp: "Just nipping out for a wee, d'you need anything?""
"Lucy Porter: "Show me the money!""
"Marcus Brigstocke: "Oh, look at that - a cupholder.""
"Miles Jupp: "I think we should still play the National Anthem before the start.""
"Harry Enfield: "Prepare for ramming speed!""
"Marcus Brigstocke: "This is Gold Leader, I'm going in.""
"Harry Enfield: "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought!""
"Dear Mrs McCartney: My, what a terrible mess. You must be kicking yourself."
"Henning Wehn: "This reminds me of my time in prison...""
"Miles Jupp: "If the dog's bothering you, I can put him in the garden.""
"Adrian Edmondson: "Oh, no! I think I left the giblets in!""
"Miles Jupp: "Just ten more minutes, the meat really needs to rest.""
"Adrian Edmondson: "But remember to chew every mouthful.""
"Miles Jupp: "Bring it to your mouth, not your mouth to it, please!""
"Adrian Edmondson: "If you don't eat it now, I'll just bring it out again at breakfast.""
"Adrian Edmondson: "Smack the bottom really hard and see if anything comes out.""
"Miles Jupp: "I might just have to loosen my trousers and go for seconds.""
"Rachel Parris: "Shall I be mother?""
"Miles Jupp: "Oh, let's not be formal, just use your hands.""
"Rory Bremner: "We're the police force, we solve crime"
"Pippa Evans: "Standing watching all of you"
"Pippa Evans: [Whispering throughout] "Gentle parenting's the way"
"Rory Bremner: "Out of range the battery's dead"
"Lucy Porter: "No matter if you're on the dole"
"Marcus Brigstocke: "About my trips I always crow"
"Willie Rushton: "Tadpole Dundee""
"Graeme Garden: "The Chi-Hua-Hua of the Baskervilles""
"Willie Rushton: (on James Bond books) "'Casino Royale' has now become 'Bingo with Princess Michael', 'Thunderball' is 'Drizzle Pillock', 'Dr. No' is 'First aid kit in the boot, possibly', and my favourite I think is 'Octopussy' has become 'Unipart'.""
"Barry Cryer: "The Condom of the Opera""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Balshazzar's Sandwich""
"Barry Cryer: "Winkles in cider.""
"Rob Brydon: "News at Tenby.""
"Graeme Garden: "Mock the Leek.""
"Tim Brooke-Taylor: "Dancing on Eisteddfod.""
"Graeme Garden: "Merthyr, She Wrote.""
"Barry Cryer: "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clwyd.""
"Barry Cryer: "The Glyndebourne Supremacy.""
"Barry Cryer: "Strictly Cwm Dancing.""
"Tony Hawks: "Only Fools on Horses.""
"Barry Cryer: "Toff Gear.""
"Jeremy Hardy: "Meet the Osbornes.""
"Barry Cryer: "Head Gardeners' Question Time.""
"Tony Hawks: "Never Mind the Peacocks.""
"Tony Hawks: "Au-pair Winfrey.""
"Barry Cryer: "Birds of a Feather... Bang!""
"Graeme Garden: "C.S.I. Myfanwy.""
"Barry Cryer: "Who Else Wants To Be a Millionaire?""