"[Introduction to "Firebird Suite - 1919 Version"] Walt Disney described the art of animation as a voyage of discovery into the realms of color, sound and motion. The music from Igor Stravinsky's ballet, The Firebird, inspires such a voyage. And so we conclude this version of Fantasia with a mythical story of life, death and renewal."

"[Introduction to "The Sorcerer's Apprentice"] Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to take a moment, if we may, to talk about a little something we like to refer to as "magic". Picture this. You're at home, hosting a birthday party for your daughter, and you've just shelled out 50 bucks, so some pathetic loser can pull a mangy rabbit out of a flea market hat. At first, you might wonder to yourself, "How did he do that?" But then you would probably just dismiss it as some sort of a trick. And you know something? You'd be right! It's just a trick! It's an example of what we laughingly refer to as stage magic. We're here to tell you that all stage magic is a fraud, a hoax, a sham. It's all based on deception and, yep, lyin', all of it. Sleight of hand...Lies! Transformations...Fraud! Dismemberment...Rip-off! Fakes! All are illusions! What we're here to talk about is real magic. We're gonna bring on a guy now who's the real deal, the genuine article. In fact, he taught us everything we know. And he is featured prominently in the next sequence, from the original Fantasia, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. [laughs] You know, come to think of it, The Sorcerer's Apprentice, is a little guy, who never speaks and just kind of messes everything up. [whispers, pointing at Teller, who cuts off his hair] Like him. [laughs] And now... [faces Teller, who throws the scissors offstage] Wh...And now, the... [sees Teller, holding a bunny; chuckles] Oh, hi, hi, little fella. I gotta...And now, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. [chuckles]"

"[Introduction to "Carnival of the Animals (Le Carnaval des Animax), Finale"] These drawing boards have been the birthplace of some of the most beloved animal characters of all time. So it's no surprise that the artists choose for out next segment The Carnival of the Animals by Camille Saint-Saëns. Here, the sensitive strains of impressionistic music combine with the subtle artistry of the animator, to finally answer that age-old question, "What is man's relationship to nature?" [Eric Goldberg handed him note] Oh, sorry. That age-old question, "What would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos?" [turns to Eric] Who wrote this?"

"[Introduction to "Piano Concerto No. 2, Allegro, Opus 102"] Hi. You may not know this, but over the years, the Disney artists have cooked up dozens of ideas for new Fantasia segments. Some of them made it to the big screen this time, but others, lots of others...How can I put this politely? Didn't. For example, the Danish illustrator, Kay Nielsen drew these sketches for a segment inspired by Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries. Here they are, and there they go. Now, Salvador Dali, you know, the "limp watches" guy, he got into the act with an idea that featured baseball as a metaphor for life. How come that didn't work? Makes perfect sense to me. Let's see, then we had a bug ballet, and a baby ballet, and for a time, they even considered a sequence inspired by The Polka and the Fugue, from Weinberger's Schwanda the Bagpiper. But finally, a success. The Disney artists wanted to create a short film, based on Hans Christian Andersen's wonderful fairy tale, The Steadfast Tin Soldier, but they could never find the perfect musical match, until now. Here is Yefim Bronfman, playing the Shostakovich Piano Concerto No. 2, and The Steadfast Tin Soldier."

"[Introduction to "Rhapsody in Blue"] [Ralph Gierson plays the piano] ♪♪[bluesy jazz]♪♪ Beautiful, Ralph. Hi. Next, we're gonna take you to the streets of New York City for a piece that's inspired by a couple of my favorite artists. First there's the illustrator, Al Hirschfeld, who's been drawing celebrities and Broadway stars for most of the 20th century. And then there's composer songwriter, George Gershwin who took jazz off the streets, dressed her up, and took her to the concert hall. My friend, Ralph Grierson plays piano on this next number, and it all starts with a single slinky note on a clarinet, and a simple line on a piece of paper. Ladies and gentlemen, Rhapsody in Blue."

"[Introduction to "Pines of Rome"] When you hear a title like Pines of Rome, you might think of tree-lined streets and romantic ruins, but when the Disney animators heard this music, they thought of something completely different. Here is The Chicago Symphony Orchestra conducted by Maestro James Levine, performing Ottorino Respighi's Pines of Rome."

"[last lines, after the End Credits have rolled] Camera back on me. Uh, camera back on me, please. Anyone? Hello? Hello? Could someone give me a ride home?"

"[appears in the flashbacks in the opening of the film and Introduction to "Symphony No. 5"] It's my very pleasant duty to welcome you here on behalf of all the other artists and musicians whose combined talents went into the creation of this new form of entertainment, Fantasia. What you will see on the screen is a picture of the various abstract images that might pass through your mind if you sat in a concert hall listening to this music. Now, there are three kinds of music on this Fantasia program. First, there's the kind that tells a definite story. Then there's the kind, that while it has no specific plot, does paint a series of more or less definite pictures. Then there's a third kind, music that exists simply for its own sake. Now, the number that opens our Fantasia program is music of this third kind."

"You know, what's amazing is that many of these musicians are playing for the very first time, thanks to Steve Martin's "Two-Week Master Musician Home Study Course". More about that later. Hello, and welcome to Fantasia 2000. It's been more than 60 years since Walt Disney and his artists, teamed up with Maestro Leopold Stokowski to create a film they titled, The Concert Feature. I think we're all glad that they changed the name to Fantasia. You know, Fantasia was meant to be a perpetual work in progress. Every time you went to see it, you'd experience some new pieces along with some old familiar favorites. But that idea fell by the wayside, until now. So let me turn things over to the great Itzhak Perlman, who, I have just been informed, plays the violin. Well, so do I. Big deal. Could I have my violin, please? Ahh, thank you. All right, boys, let's... [bow slips from his hands] Oh! Oh, sorry. Could I have another stick thingy, please? Oh, and camera back on me. Camera back on me. Ca...Am I done?"

"Russi Taylor - Daisy Duck (Segment "Pomp and Circumstance - Marches 1, 2, 3, and 4"), (voice; scream only)"

"Angela Lansbury - Herself - Hostess (Segment "Firebird Suite - 1919 Version")"

"Tony Anselmo - Donald Duck (Segment "Pomp and Circumstance - Marches 1, 2, 3, and 4"), (voice)"

"Wayne Allwine - Mickey Mouse (Segments "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" and "Pomp and Circumstance - Marches 1, 2, 3, and 4"), (voice)"

"Jennifer Hudson as Sister Rosemary"

"Brian Doyle-Murray as Monsignor Ratliffe"

"Larry David as Sister Mary-Mengele"

"Jane Lynch as Mother Superior"

"Will Sasso as Curly"

"Sean Hayes as Larry"

"Chris Diamantopoulos as Moe"

"[points at Snooki's Guiness beer hat] Just because she is wearing a "Genius" hat, does not mean she is one."

"Dwight Howard, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Jennifer "JWoww" Farley, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, Paul "Pauly D" DelVecchio and Samantha "Sweetheart" Giancola as themselves"

"Antonio Sabàto, Jr. as Bobby"

"Justin Lopez as Peter"

"Kate Upton as Sister Bernice"