"Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are the leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend."

"I like this Hugo Boss, he cuts a nice suit!"

"[as Iris drives him home] I've lived here for 47 years. Back then, there were only six houses on this block. Every year, they tear another one down. Not that I blame them. They weren't that great to begin with. But that's how I got confused. I didn't recognize one house."

"So, he's a schmuck."

"[about the Jaws theme] Two notes... and you've got a villain."

"[plays melody he wrote for Iris] Iris, if you were a melody...I used only the good notes."

"The wind...It's what makes it so warm at this time of the year. Legend has it, when Santa Anas blow, all bets are off, anything can happen."

"It's Christmas Eve and we are going to celebrate being young and being alive."

"Is that a trick question?"

"I have another scenario for you – I'm in love with you. I apologize for the blunt delivery, but as problematic as this fact may be, I'm in love... with YOU. I'm not feeling this because you're leaving, and not because it feels good to feel this way... which, by the way, it does, or did before you went off like that. I can't figure out the mathematics of this, I just know I love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it! And I never thought I'd feel this way again, so that's pretty phenomenal. And I realize that I come as a package deal: three for the price of one. I know my package, perhaps in the light of day, isn't all that wonderful, but I finally know what I want and that, in itself, is a miracle. And what I want is YOU."

"Long-distance relationships can work, you know."

"I have the classic male problem of no follow-through. Absolutely never remember to call after a date, but as this wasn't a date, I guess I am off the hook."

"I have a cow and I sew. How's that for "hard to relate to"?"

"I'm Mr. Napkin Head!"

"[after seeing the premiere of her new movie trailer, to Iris' dog Charlie] And that is why they pay me the big bucks."

"You know Graham, I just broke up with someone and considering you just showed up and you're insanely good-looking and probably won't remember me anyway...I'm thinking we should have sex...If you want."

"I need some peace and quiet...or whatever it is people go away for."

"I could go with you as like your date or something [to Arthur]."

"Listen... I know it's hard to believe when people say "I know how you feel"... but I actually know how you feel. You see, I was... seeing someone, back in London. We work for the same newspaper. Then I found he was seeing this other girl, Sarah, from the circulation department on the 19th floor. It turned out he wasn't in love with me like I thought. What I'm trying to say is... I understand feeling as small and insignificant as humanely possible. How it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that... however long "all that" may be... you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted... that will eventually begin to fade."

"Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you."

"That would be confusing."

"I like corny. I'm looking for corny in my life."

"That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant."

"But I think what I've got is something slightly resembling, gumption. [Slams door shut in Jasper's face. Lifts hands up and screams with joy]"

"[first lines] I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

"Chris Potter as Captain Bill Fawcett"

"Max Thieriot as Seth Plummer"

"Brittany Snow as Zoe Plummer"

"Faith Ford as Julie Plummer"

"Lauren Graham as Claire Fletcher"

"Vin Diesel as Lieutenant Shane Wolfe"

"Claire Fletcher vs Mr. Chun (final defeat)"

"Julie Plummer vs Mrs. Chun (final battle)"

"Shane Wolfe vs Bill Fawcett (final battle)"

"Prepare for bottle. Prepare for battle."

"Prepare for bottle."

"This Navy S.E.A.L. Meets His Match."

"Welcome to the infantry."

"Land! Solid land!!"

"Mung-Ling Tsui as Mrs. Chun"

"Dennis Akayama as Mr. Chun"

"Tate Donovan as Howard Plummer"

"Bo and Luke Vink as Baby Tyler Plummer"

"Keegan and Logan Hoover as Peter Plummer"

"Brad Garrett as Vice Principal Dwayne Murney"

"Carol Kane as Helga Popescu"