"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

"(appears at Congress and recites the the Pledge of Allegiance) I pledge allegiance to the flag under the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands. One nation under me indivisible and liberty and justice for all."

"Tell you what. You build it and I'll fill it. Oh and you might need this. [Holds up a book titled "Ark Building for Dummies"]"

"I now issue a new commandment: "Thou shalt do the dance.""

"(to Evan) Build the ark. And if anybody asks, just say, a flood is coming."

"And he wanted me to wear this robe because he thought it would be funny."

"[With his arms and staff outstretched to the looming Memorial Bridge, as the Ark is fast approaching it.] I command thee halt! Stop! Woah! [Nothing happens] How about a little help here?! [Suddenly the whole right side of the Ark falls dark, as a massive wave four times the size and height of the Ark rises up and crashes down redirecting its path instantly down Capital Mall.]"

"(Joan and the kids have just left him) I know, I know. Everything you do, you do because you love me. (A sprinkler blasts him in the face) Do me a favor; love me less!"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!!"

"(two wolves growl at Long) Don't look now Congressman but the wolves are here. Although I wouldn't worry so much about these wolves but those. (Evan gestures to the angry members of Congress standing behind Long)"

"People, the flood is imminent! (nothing happens) IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A LITTLE PRECIPITATION!?"

"[Is using ancient tools to build the ark] Ever heard of Home Depot!?"

"(to Long after the Ark crashes into Congress] Hello Congressman. Mind if I park my boat here?"

"[after the Ark crashes into Congress) We can walk from here."