"[After Maria has said she doesn't know the words of a song and her classmates snicker] Hey, hey - excuse me! It is NOT Maria's fault, that she does not know that Mary had a lamb. It is not - and I say this to you - it is *not* Maria's fault. Because maybe, MAYBE where Maria came from, Mary had a dog! Or a lil kitty cat! Or a little bald headed brother named Bart! It is NOT her fault and we're not going to tell her it is, are we? No, we are not!"

"Do you know what I hate most about this place? There is nothing to pick up and throw."

"Now listen, I know you've got to think about your image, cause image is important to you, because of course your friends are gonna dictate your actions through the rest of your lives, and I wouldn't want you to step away from them and become an individual, that would almost be too much!"

"If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention."

"You lied to me and you're gonna go to hell."

"Robert Pastorelli – Joey Bustamente"

"Father forgive us, we know EXACTLY what we do!"

"If you wake up in the morning, and you can't think anything but singing, then you should be a singer, girl."

"[Singing] Ain't no mountain high enough."

"Thomas Gottschalk – Father Wolfgang"

"Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Show me a man that a woman can trust. Now where did it say that on the eighth day He dusteth?"

"Maggie Smith – Reverend Mother"

"[To Rita] You take the top and I'll take the bottom. Just try it."

"(comments on his own arrest) That's it. No more movies, electricity is over."

"Lyubov Sokolova as kindergarten vice principal"

"Nikolay Olyalin as Colonel Verchenko"

"Anatoli Papanov as chess player in hotel"

"Erast Garin as Professor Nikolai Maltsev, archeologist"

"Natalya Fateyeva as Lyudmila Maltseva, professor's daughter"

"Oleg Vidov as Lieutenant Slavin"

"Alibaba. Docent, was you ever little boy?"

"Alibaba. Lousy jackal, I am. Took money from the children. Robbed a kindergarten."

"Yevgeny Leonov as Yevgeny Ivanovich Troshkin, kindergarten principal / Aleksandr Aleksandrovich "Docent" Beliy, criminal"

"(Troshkin punishes swindlers for bad manners)"

"Col. Verchenko. Tell me, how much does that helmet weigh?"

"(Lt. Slavin teaches Troshkin the criminal slang)"

"(fugitive crooks run along the road, posing as athletes.)"

"Georgy Vitsin as Gavrila Petrovich "Sad Sack" Sheremetyev, criminal"

"My job is to raise children, not to run around the Soviet Union with your crooks."

"Politeness is a thief's best weapon."

"Stand up! That's it! If we don't want to go back to jail, if we want to get to the helmet, from today onwards, all squabbles are to stop. No gambling! No drinking! No stealing... without me."

"Oh, what's wrong with you people...? Shame on you! You're forty years old each, past over a half of your lives! What's behind you? What's now? What's ahead? Darkness, filth, fear and nothing human. Snap out of it... Snap out of it before it's too late — that's my advice to you!"

"Who is he? Miserable engineer and nothing else! And what kind of life does he have? To the work in the morning, from the work in the evening... Wife at home, kids... snotty noses... Would go visit some theater, or, in the summer, a sanatorium... in Yalta. Snorefest! And you? You're a thief! A gentleman of fortune! Stole, drank, go to jail! Stole, drank, go to jail! The allure! So don't worry… Of course he’s jealous."

"Savely Kramarov as Fyodor Petrovich "Crosseyes" Yermakov, criminal"

"Radner Muratov as Vasily Alibabayevich Alibaba, criminal"

"I feel like there's an ambush there… I always feel it…"

"It’s us who mess with them, take them on bail, re-educate them! But we should do it like in Turkey, in the old days! They'd put the thief in a vat of crap, so just his head sticks out, and drive him around the city. And above him is a Janissary with a sword, and every five minutes he's liiiike... swoosh – with his sword over the vat! So if the thief doesn’t dive, his head rolls! That's how he dived into crap all day! (Troshkin: Well, that's Turkey. It's warm over there.)"

"Dinner is served! Sit down and guzzle, please!"

"I’ll buy a car with a tape player, sew a suit with a shinier grain, and off to Yalta!"

"Everyone ran, so I ran, too."

"Channing Tatum - Mark Schultz"

"Mark Ruffalo - Dave Schultz"

"Sienna Miller - Nancy Schultz"

"Steve Carell - John Eleuthère du Pont"

"Vanessa Redgrave - Jean du Pont"

"David Zabriskie - Dan Bane"

"Anthony Michael Hall - Jack"

"Based on the shocking true story."

"[slaps Mark Schultz in the face and whispers] You ungrateful ape."

"I do not share my mother's affection for horseflesh, I'll have you know."