Black Comedy Films

"Nigel Lindsay - Barry"

"This big enough for ya now, Barry? Am I blowing a dog in a ditch? Or am I Paki Rambo?!"

"No more widdling in me gob?"

"Kayvan Novak - Waj"

"Riz Ahmed - Omar"

"Oh, it's just that bag is full of really fragile... boots."

"William El-Gardi -Khalid"

"Rubber dinghy rapids, bro. (repeated line)"

"Mohammad Aqil - Mahmood"

"Dan Aykroyd - Judge Alvin 'J.P' Valkenheiser/Bobo"

"All they wanted was a little getaway. All they got was nothing but trouble."

"Chevy Chase - Chris Thorne"

"Demi Moore - Diane Lightson"

"John Candy - Dennis Valkenheiser/Eldona"

"Taylor Negron - Fausto"

"Bertila Damas - Renalda"

"Valri Bromfield - Miss Purdah"

"Digital Underground - themselves"

"John Heard - Tom Schorr"

"Teri Garr - Julie"

"Rosanna Arquette - Marcy Franklin"

"Griffin Dunne - Paul Hackett"

"What is the very worst night you ever had...?"

"When it's after midnight in New York City, you don't have to look for love, laughter and trouble. They'll all find you."

"What if that date you thought would never end, didn't?"

"[on his knees, screaming to the heavens] What do you want from me? What have I done? I'm just a word processor, for Christ sake!"

"Bronson Pinchot - Lloyd"

"Dick Miller - Pete, diner waiter"

"Clarence Felder - Club Berlin Bouncer"

"Will Patton - Horst"

"Cheech Marin - Neil"

"Tommy Chong - Pepe"

"Verna Bloom - June"

"Linda Fiorentino - Kiki Bridges"

"Catherine O'Hara - Gail"

"Judge Reinhold - Ken Kessler"

"Bette Midler - Barbara Stone"

"Danny DeVito - Sam Stone"

"Sam Stone's wife has just been kidnapped... And he doesn't want her back!"

"A tale of two kidnappers who wanted to be merciless but turned out to be hopeless."

"So, if I look like his mother and you look like his father, this is what our son would look like. Pretty strong argument for birth control."

"Oh my God! I've been kidnapped by Huey and Dewey!"

"[answering the phone] Hello? Debbie? Yeah, Debbie's here. Who is this? Well Ralph, Debbie can't talk right now. My dick's in her mouth. How about if I have her call you back later when I'm done? [hangs up] I love wrong numbers."

"[complaining about his wife's wealthy father] They pulled the plug on him. He wheezed and shook for about an hour and then... he stabilized. That son-of-a-bitch just got older and sicker, and older and sicker, AND OLDER AND SICKER...!"

"[introducing his wife's toy poodle to his new Doberman pinscher] Muffy, meet Adolph. Adolph, EAT MUFFY!"

"I want the rest of that money. His money, her money, it's my money. I've had to live with that squealing, corpulent, little toad all these years. God, I hate that woman! I-I... I hate the way she licks stamps! I hate her furniture! And I hate that little sound she makes when she sleeps..."

"Jeannine Bisignano - Hooker in Car"

"Phyllis Applegate - Loan Officer"

"Gary Riley - Heavy Metal Kid"

"J.E. Freeman - Bedroom Killer"