Age

"To an old man any place that's warm is homeland."

"Every pleasure defers to its last its greatest delights."

"At times it seems to me that I am living my life backwards, and that at the approach of old age my real youth will begin. My soul was born covered with wrinkles—wrinkles my ancestors and parents most assiduously put there and that I had the greatest trouble removing."

"They say that getting old is a curse, But not getting older is worse."

": Old age is an incurable disease."

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms. And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel And shining morning face, creeping like snail Unwillingly to school. And then the lover, Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier, Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard, Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel, Seeking the bubble reputation Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice, In fair round belly with good capon lined, With eyes severe and beard of formal cut, Full of wise saws and modern instances; And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon, With spectacles on nose and pouch on side, His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice, Turning again toward childish treble, pipes And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all, That ends this strange eventful history, Is second childishness and mere oblivion, Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans every thing."

"A man is as old as he's feeling, a woman is as old as she looks."

"Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative."

"Set is the sun of my years; And over a few poor ashes, I sit in my darkness and tears."

"The years swarm around me like midges, and though each tiny bite only costs me a single drop of blood, they are so thick I am nearly bled dry."

"Yet somehow our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is in the way that it cares for its helpless members."

"What find you better or more honorable than age? Take the preeminence of it in everything;—in an old friend, in old wine, in an old pedigree."

"Senectus insanabilis morbus est."

"There is an old poor man Oppressed with two weak evils, age and hunger."

"At your age, The hey-day in the blood is tame, it's humble, And waits upon the judgment."

"AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit."

"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

"Nihil turpius est, quam grandis natu senex, qui nullum aliud habet argumentum, quo se probet diu vixisse, præter ætatem."

"Nothing is so hateful to the philistine as the "dreams of his youth." ... For what appeared to him in his dreams was the voice of the spirit, calling him once, as it does everyone. It is of this that youth always reminds him, eternally and ominously. That is why he is antagonistic toward youth."

"Old age is like learning a new profession. And not one of your own choosing."

"Old friends are best. King James us'd to call for his Old Shoes, they were easiest for his Feet."

": Nothing is more dishonourable than an old man, heavy with years, who has no other evidence of his having lived long except his age."

"Is there something you can do about it? You're darned right there is! You can fight back. Mister Old Age is not going to get you, by golly! All you need is a little determination- a willingness to get out of that reclining lounge chair, climb into that sweatsuit, lace on those running shoes, stride out that front door, and hurl yourself in front of that municipal bus.. No, wait. Sorry. For a moment there I got carried away by the bleakness of it all. Forget what I said. Really. There is absolutely no need to become suicidally depressed about the fact that every organ in your body is headed straight down the toilet. There really are things you can do to keep your body looking healthy and youthful for years to come. But before I discuss these things, I want you to answer the following questions honestly: Are you willing to make the hard sacrifices needed to be really healthy? Are you willing to commit yourself totally to a program of regular exercise, close medical supervision, and the elimination of all caffeine, alcohol, and rich foods, to be replaced by a strict diet of nutrition-rich, kelp-like plant growths so unappetizing that they will make you actually lust for tofu? Or are you the kind of shallow, irresponsible person who wants a purely cosmetic change, a "quick and dirty" surface gloss that may make you look young and healthy, but actually has no long-term value? Me too."

"As we know from slicing up dead worms in Biology Lab, the "parts" that make up this miraculous "mechanism" that we call the human body are called "cells"- billions and billions (even more, in the case of Marlon Brando) of organisms so tiny that we cannot see or hear them unless you have been using illegal narcotics. When you are very young, each of your cells, based on its individual personality and aptitude, selects an area of specialization, such as the thigh, in which to pursue its career. As you grow, the cell multiplies, and it teaches its offspring to be thigh cells also, showing them the various "tricks of the trade." Thus the proud thigh-cell tradition is handed down from generation to generation, providing you with thighs so sleek and taut that they look great even when encased in Spandex garments that would be a snug fit on a Bic pen. But as your body approaches middle age, this cellular discipline starts to break down. The newer cells- you know how it is with the young- start to challenge the conventional values of their elders. "What's so great about sleek and taut?" is what these newer cells would say, if they had mouths, which thank God they do not. They become listless and bored, and many of them, looking for "kicks," turn to cellulite. Your bodily tissue begins to deteriorate, gradually becoming saggier and lumpier, until one day you glance in the mirror and realize, to your horror, that you look as though for some reason you are attempting to smuggle out of the country an entire driveway's worth of gravel concealed inside your upper legs. And this very same process is going on all over your body."

"Thus pleasures fade away; Youth, talents, beauty, thus decay, And leave us dark, forlorn, and gray."

"Why do we get older? Why do our bodies wear out? Why can't we just go on and on and on, accumulating a potentially infinite number of Frequent Flier mileage points? These are the kinds of questions that philosophers have been asking ever since they realized that being a philosopher did not involve any heavy lifting. And yet the answer is really very simple: Our bodies are mechanical devices, and like all mechanical devices, they break down. Some devices, such as battery-operated toys costing $39.95, break down almost instantly upon exposure to the Earth's atmosphere. Other devices, such as stereo systems owned by your next-door neighbor's 13-year-old son who likes to listen to bands with names like "Nerve Damage" at a volume capable of disintegrating limestone, will continue to function perfectly for many years, even if you hit them with an ax. But the fundamental law of physics is that sooner or later every mechanism ceases to function for one reason or another, and it is never covered under the warranty."

"One of the more traumatic aspects of reaching age 40 is that you no longer have the same body you had when you were 21. I know I don't. Sometimes when I take a shower I look down at my body and I want to scream: "Hey, THIS isn't my body! THIS body belongs to Willard Scott!" But this is perfectly natural. Screaming in the shower, I mean. Reaching age 40, however, is NOT natural. I base this statement on extensive scientific documentation in the form of a newspaper article I vaguely remember reading once, which stated that the life expectancy for human beings in the wild is about 35 years. Think about what that means. It means that if you were in the wild, even in the nonsmoking section, by now you'd be Worm Chow. So we can clearly see that going past age 40 is basically an affront to Nature, with Exhibit A being the Gabor sisters."

"The course of my long life hath reached at last, In fragile bark o'er a tempestuous sea, The common harbor, where must rendered be, Account of all the actions of the past."

"Thus aged men, full loth and slow, The vanities of life forego, And count their youthful follies o'er, Till Memory lends her light no more."

"Turpis et ridicula res est elementarius senex: juveni parandum, seni utendum est."

"He was filled with terrible knowing: This day had been exactly as empty as the last and tomorrow would be the same. This is what it is to be old, Henry thought."

"The land of easy mathematics where he who works adds up and he who retires subtracts."

"O, roses for the flush of youth, And laurel for the perfect prime; But pluck an ivy branch for me, Grown old before my time."

"When you're forty, half of you belongs to the past — and when you're seventy, nearly all of you."

"I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over."

"Age has now Stamped with its signet that ingenuous brow."

"I'm growing fonder of my staff; I'm growing dimmer in the eyes; I'm growing fainter in my laugh; I'm growing deeper in my sighs; I'm growing careless of my dress; I'm growing frugal of my gold; I'm growing wise; I'm growing,—yes,— I'm growing old."

"I still think of myself as I was 25 years ago. Then I look in a mirror and see an old bastard and I realize it's me."

"All the best sands of my life are somehow getting into the wrong end of the hourglass. If I could only reverse it! Were it in my power to do so, would I?"

"Age is not all decay; it is the ripening, the swelling, of the fresh life within, that withers and bursts the husk."

"Slow-consuming age."

"Alike all ages: dames of ancient days Have led their children thro' the mirthful maze, And the gay grandsire, skill'd in gestic lore, Has frisk'd beneath the burthen of threescore."

"Old age deprives the intelligent man only of qualities useless to wisdom."

"They say women and music should never be dated."

"Struggle and turmoil, revel and brawl— Youth is the sign of them, one and all. A smoldering hearth and a silent stage— These are a type of the world of Age."

"To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old."

"You hear that boy laughing? You think he's all fun; But the angels laugh, too, at the good he has done. The children laugh loud as they troop to his call. And the poor man that knows him laughs loudest of all!"

"A green old age, unconscious of decays, That proves the hero born in better days."

"When he's forsaken, Wither'd and shaken, What can an old man do but die?"

"I love everything that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wine."