"Our Father, who art in Cribari, hallowed be thy glass. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in the lounges. Give us this day our daily splash, and forgive us our hangovers as we forgive those who continue to hangover against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil...and somebody give us all a ride home."

"Well, you know when you're the opening act for large groups? Sometimes you feel like a rectal thermometer, you're going out there taking the temperature of the audience."

"Pregnant women and Vietnam vets, beggin on the freeway, bout as hard as it gets."

"Some men are searching for the Holy Grail, but there ain't nothing sweeter than riding the rail."

"The face forgives the mirror, the worm forgives the plough, the question begs the answer, can you forgive me somehow?"

"The large print giveth and the small print taketh away."

"If you get far enough away you'll be on your way back home."

"And their mouths are cut like razor blades, and their eyes are like stilettos, and her radiator's steaming and her teeth are in a wreck, she won't let you kiss her, but what in the hell do you expect?"

"And someone will head south 'til this whole thing cools off."

"Come down off the cross, we can use the wood."

"What's he building in there? We have a right to know."

"If there's one thing you can say about mankind, there's nothing kind about man."

"The piano has been drinking, not me."

"And the things you can’t remember tell the things you can forget, that history puts a saint in every dream."

"I don't have a drinking problem ‘cept when I can't get a drink."

"Your veal cutlet gets up off the plate, It walks down to end of the counter and beat the shit out of my cup of coffee. I guess the coffee just wasn't strong enough to defend itself."

"I'm so goddamn horny, the crack of dawn better be careful around me!"

"How do the angels get to sleep / When the Devil leaves his porch light on?"

"Who are you inspired by? Creative people who have made their seemingly most self-indulgent artistic whims into a career."

"A zebra can't drive a moon-buggy. Or any other sort of car for that matter."

"I was brought up in a very logical place," said Linz, who had his bar mitzvah at Wilshire Boulevard Temple. "But I think they would [happen]."

"During one scene, I had to do a shooting drill. He put a psychological spin on it."