"There is a pleasing variety about my exhibits. My first experiment was so lovely that we made her a Queen. Charming, don't you think? Then of course, we had to have a King. Now, he's so madly in love with her that we have to segregate them.... now, now. I have to be careful with the king. now behave. My next production looked so disapprovingly at the other two that they made him an Archbishop... he seems to be asleep. I must wake him up. the next one is the very Devil - very bizarre, this little chap. There's a certain resemblance to me, don't you think? Or do I flatter myself? I took a great deal of pains with him. Sometimes I have wondered whether life wouldn't be much more amusing if we were all devils, and no nonsense about angels and being good. Oh! there's the king out again. even royal amours are a nuisance. poor archbishop. he has his hands full. there. that will keep you quiet. My little Ballerina is charming but such a bore! She won't dance to anything but Mendelsohnn's Spring Song and it gets so monotonous. My next is very conventional, I'm afraid. But you can never tell how these things will turn out. It was an experiment with seaweed. Normal size has been my difficulty. You did achieve size. I need to work that out with you."

"My experiments did not turn out quite like yours Henry. But science, like love, has her little surprises - as you shall see."

"Do you like gin? It is my only weakness... [toasting with Henry] To a new world of gods and monsters! Ha, ha. The creation of life is enthralling, distinctly enthralling, is it not?"

"Booted, my dear Baron, is the word for knowing too much."

"Tell him that Dr. Pretorius is here on a secret matter of grave importance and must see him alone, tonight."

"To a new age of gods and monsters!"

"She's alive! Alive!"

"It's going to be a terrific storm!"

"Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you."

"Edgar Kennedy - Lemonade Vendor"

"Charles Middleton - Prosecutor"

"Leonid Kinskey - Sylvanian Agitator"

"Edmund Breese - Zander"

"Louis Calhern - Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania"

"Raquel Torres - Vera Marcal"

"Margaret Dumont - Mrs. Gloria Teasdale"

"Zeppo Marx - Lt. Bob Roland"

"Chico Marx - Chicolini"

"Harpo Marx - Pinky (pink wig appeared blonde in black-and-white film)"

"Groucho Marx - Rufus T. Firefly"

"I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you came home."

"Bring Your Straight Jackets. You'll Roll In the Aisles."

"The fanciest dish of screams—howls—beauty and music ever concocted."

"Laughing Soup...concocted, brewed and dished up by the Mad Marxes...Groucho, Harpo, Chico and Zeppo."

"A wild crazy nightmare of fun!"

"Gags the whole town will be telling! Songs that will burst your bathroom walls! BOY HOW THEY HAND IT OUT!"

"War Is Swell ...when the Marx Brothers are in it. They'll be out of the trenches by Christmas...if the food doesn't improve."

"Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did."

"[on a telephone] Get me headquarters. Not hindquarters, headquarters!"

"Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot. But don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

"I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school."

"[locked in a closet] Hey let me out! Let me out of here, or throw me a magazine!"

"John Wray — Himmelstoss"

"Edwin Maxwell — Mr. Bäumer"

"Beryl Mercer — Mrs. Bäumer"

"Arnold Lucy — Professor Kantorek"

"Slim Summerville — Tjaden"

"Louis Wolheim — Leopold "Kat" Katczinsky"

"Lew Ayres — Paul Bäumer"

"[about Paul] Here is one of the first to go, a lad who sat before me on these very benches who gave up all to serve in the first year of the war. One of the iron youth who have made Germany invincible in the field. Look at him, sturdy and bronze and clear-eyed, the kind of soldier every one of you should envy."

"But now our country calls! The Fatherland needs leaders!! Personal ambition must be thrown aside in the one great sacrifice for our country! Here is a glorious beginning to your lives! The fields of honor call you."

"Some of you may have ambitions. I know of one young man who has great promise as a writer, and he has written the first act of a tragedy which would be a credit to one of the masters. And he is dreaming, I suppose, of following in the footsteps of Goethe and Schiller, and I hope he will."

"Are your fathers so forgetful of their Fatherland that they would let it perish rather than you? Are your mothers so weak that they cannot send a son to defend the land which gave them birth?! And after all, is a little experience such a bad thing for a boy? Is the honor of wearing a uniform something from which we should run? And if our young ladies glory in those who wear it, is that anything to be ashamed of? I know you have never desired the adulation of heroes. That has not been part of my teaching. We have sought to make ourselves worthy and let acclaim come when it would. But to be foremost in battle is a virtue not to be despised. I believe it will be a quick war, that there will be few losses. But if losses there must be, then let us remember the Latin phrase which must have come to the lips of many a Roman when he stood embattled in a foreign land: Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori. 'Sweet and fitting it is to die for the Fatherland.'"

"[to class] You are the life of the Fatherland, you boys. You are the iron men of Germany. You are the gay heroes who will repulse the enemy when you are called upon to do so. It is not for me to suggest that any of you should stand up and offer to defend his country. But I wonder if such a thing is going through your heads? I know that in one of the schools, the boys have risen up in the classroom and enlisted in a mass. But, of course, if such a thing should happen here, you would not blame me for a feeling of pride. Perhaps, some will say that you should not be allowed to go yet, that you are too young, that you have homes, mothers, fathers, that you should not be torn away."

"[of Katczinsky] If he were out, the war would be over. You remember what he always said: 'They're savin' him for the last.'"

"Replacements are all like that. Not even old enough to carry a pack. All they know how to do is die."

"There used to be some food in the sawdust. Now it's all sawdust. No joke either."

"[to Paul on his return] It's gonna be a real war again."