The Apprentice (British TV series)

"Syed Ahmed: Shall we all go in there? Paul Tulip: We might as well wait for Margaret to come out and that's not long anyway. Syed Ahmed: Ah right, I'll be in there anyway. (walks off into a building) Paul Tulip: Cock."

"Ruth Badger: You wouldn't believe that! So I've been into the second-most place in Britain when it comes to insurance and I've just been removed by security."

"This is not a game, this is a 12 week job interview from hell (Sir Alan's opening line at the opening credits of Series 3)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Never underestimate me because you will be making a fatal error. I don't like liars. I don't like cheats. I don't like bullshitters. I don't like schmoozers and I don't like arse-lickers."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Don't start telling me that you're just like me, because no one's like me, I'm unique."

"Andy Jackson: At eleven o'clock it wasn't busy, and at that point I pulled [the van back]. Perhaps I should have pulled it earlier...Nick Hewer: Even if it was busy, they wouldn't have bought your coffee at that price. Nobody seems to grasp this point!Gerri Blackwood: But I did manage to sell eleven cups. Nick Hewer [sarcastically] Oh, well done. Sir Alan Sugar: Eleven?! What do you want, a medal? You should have sold a hundred and eleven! You sold eleven. It's a disgrace!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Tre Azam) Remember I told you last week never to underestimate me? Tre Azam: Yes? Sir Alan Sugar: Do you want to tell your colleagues where you really got the name from? (holds up a piece of paper) Is this the company you work for?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Andy, nice enough fellow as you are, I don't believe that you had this thing under control. I think you could have solved the location problem, I think you could have solved the purchasing problem. Andy, you're fired! Andy Jackson: Sir Alan, can I say anything at this point to change your mind? I will fight my corner I will give 110%... Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sure you would. But you were out of control on the locations, you were out of control on the stock. I'm sorry, Andy, but you are fired."

"Tre Azam: Don't talk to me like I'm a child, don't talk to me like you're my boss, we're all in this together. Rory Laing: I am your boss. Tre Azam: You're not my boss, you're my project manager... Rory Laing: I am your boss! Tre Azam: You're nothing to me."

"Rory Laing: It does fulfil the task of being innovative. A blanket- Sir Alan Sugar: Well it's got some originality. Rory Laing: Yeah Sir Alan Sugar: You've gotta find an original nutter to wear it, first of all."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Ifti, I don't know if you've got a problem or something, but you are not transmitting confidence to me. Ifti Chaudri: Ah, Sir Alan, I do apologise for that. I know it's no excuse, but I was missing my son very badly... [Tre laughs] Sir Alan Sugar: What, you think that's funny, do you? Tre Azam: Not at all, I have a son too. But when you have to get down to work, you have to get down to work, don't you? Ifti Chaudri: I've never been away from my son, and I found it crippling, to be honest with you. Absolutely crippling. Sir Alan Sugar: You can't concentrate on this, is really what you're saying? Ifti Chaudri: It doesn't look like I can. But I'm just being honest with you, Sir Alan, because I'm not going to be going into tasks and not giving 100%. You saw me on the first task, you saw what I'm capable of, but I just found myself in a mental block, and if I can't tell you the truth, what can I do? Sir Alan Sugar: I appreciate it, you're a very good family man. But business is business, as I'm sure you'll agree. And so it's with regret, Ifti, that I'm going to have to say to you, you're fired. [Ifti sighs, gets up and leaves. Sir Alan turns to face Rory and Tre] Sir Alan Sugar: I suppose you think you've got off lightly there? That because Ifti's gone, that's it, you can get back to the house? Well, as I've said once before, never underestimate me, and don't try and second guess what's going on. Because, I'm telling you, as unusual as it is, one of you is still going to get fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Rory, you're a disaster. I'm sorry, an absolute, total disaster. I've given you the chance to explain yourself, and you haven't. I was told that you were bankrupt; there's no shame in that, been bankrupt twice. Well, here's the hat-trick... Rory, you're fired!"

"Tre Azam: Stupid titties and fish."

"Tre Azam: They come across like something that belongs in a fetish gallery."

"Sir Alan Sugar: I absolutely admire anybody like you have done...a mother under the circumstances which you were in, done your Open University stuff, got your MBA and this, that and the other. Love it, okay? Me? It don't mean jack shit, quite frankly. I'm not interested in these titles, okay?"

"Kristina Grimes: The French are cheese connoisseurs, and we're going to sell them something from Makro?"

"Lohit Kalburgi: (attempting to sell while speaking French) Hello, we have some specialities of Britishness... are you interesting?"

"Paul Callaghan: So, just to recap, we're trying to sell pork sausages to a Muslim, and offering him a taster in the middle of Ramadan. Other than that, I think it's all going perfectly well!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: That's not very good, is it? (After discovering that Stealth have made a loss of over £200)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Is this a joke?! (during Paul's attempted explanation of his baked bean-tin stove)"

"Katie Hopkins: She's a complete snake in the grass and, frankly, too orange to be taken seriously. (about Kristina Grimes)"

"Sir Alan Sugar: I sent you out on a mission to France, to sell quality British products. I gave you a list of organic farmers, of people who use tender love and care to create something special that they take a pride in. And I wanted you to take that product and say "This is what us British produce, this is not mass-produced tut..." and what you do, is you go and buy a breeze block-load of bloody cheddar cheese!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Paul, I sent you to sell the best of British to France. You spent half the bloody day frying sausages on some stupid contraption that the Boy Scouts could have made, and worse than that, Paul, you went out and lost me money! You're a total shambles. You're fired!"

"(Paul and Adam are sat in a car and Paul is showing how to make a makeshift stove to Adam) Paul Callaghan:(holding a baked bean can) You open that end, you empty out the beans and maybe eat them for your lunch. Adam Hosker: Yeah. (Paul brings out a can of lighter fuel and continues demonstrating) Paul Callaghan: You then open the top of this, make sure you've got a few vent holes in the top and in the bottom which you need to stab through. Open the top of that, set that alight, stick that in there, and put your frying pan on top to cook your sausages. Adam Hosker: Yep, Perfect."

"Katie Hopkins: (after hearing Adam's claim about Nigella Seeds) Absolutely not! Sir Alan Sugar: Katie, Katie. Let the man talk. Katie Hopkins: It'll take a long time though, Sir Alan. Sir Alan Sugar: Well, it don't matter me. I've got time."

"Sir Alan Sugar: Adam, your luck has run out! You're Fired!"

"Tre Azam: We need a break dancer. Simon Ambrose: I'm a dance man! Tre Azam: Shut up!"

"Katie Hopkins: If you give me the opportunity to win again, I'll win again."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (referencing Stealth's target customer, nicknamed "Jay") Katie, you asked me to think like Jay. While, I'm thinking like Jay, and Jay says your advert sucks. And Ghazal, Jay says you're fired."

"Sir Alan Sugar: If she [Kristina] says "okay" one more time, I'm gonna hit something. Kristina Grimes: (on TV) Okay! Now here we have... (Sir Alan laughs and shakes his head)"

"Simon Ambrose: (while unwittingly appearing to be masturbating) If you're a young child you can do this, if you're an adult you can have fun!"

"(during Simon's trampoline demonstration) Producer: Honestly guys, at this moment in time, we're dying. Tre Azam: Is that really bad? Naomi Lay: Yeah..."

"Sir Alan Sugar: In these past ten weeks, I've been relying upon Nick and Margaret to tell me what you people have been up to. Well, I didn't need to last night, because I saw it myself. And what I saw was the biggest load of tut that I have ever seen in my life."

"Paul Kemsley: You may not be aware of this...*coughs* Alan, but Tre runs a global corporation from his bedroom. Sir Alan Sugar: *in disbelief* He does what? Paul Kemsley: Apparently, he's got 15 offices around the world...some of which may also be bedrooms."

"Raef Bjayou: The spoken word is my tool."

"Jennifer Maguire: As a salesperson, I would rate myself as probably the best in Europe."

"Alex Wotherspoon: I'm only twenty-four!"

"Nicholas de Lacy-Brown: I'm very into art and culture and that sort of thing... I find it very difficult to have conversations about football, for example. (to Sir Alan, a noted Tottenham Hotspur fan)"

"Raef Bjayou: I get on with Prince or Pauper! Sir Alan Sugar: And you're the prince, are you?"

"Alex Wotherspoon: I am NOT over-sensitive!"

"Sir Alan Sugar: You were devastated when you got a B in your GCSE French. You're going to be even more devastated now, because you've got a big F. You're fired! (to Nicholas)"

"Simon Smith: (in Sir Alan's voice) "And at the end of this task, one of you will be fired!""

"Sara Dhada: To me, business is simple. It's about making money, making money and making more money."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (seeing Raef quiet as Alex and Nicholas argue) Well Raef, either talk up you know or... Raef Bjayou: I'm just finding this conversation just, you know, just incredibly boring. We're now going into psycho-babble now. Sir Alan Sugar: I'm sorry if I'm boring you."

"Raef Bjayou: (through an intercom selling fish door-to-door) My name's Raef, I represent Renaissance Ltd. a purveyor of fine fish!"

"Ian Stringer: (to Nicholas who is an artist and a barrister) You know what my mum says? If you can piss you can paint."

"Sir Alan Sugar: (to Raef) What is all this stuff about "faced death many times."? Where have we faced death many times? In a hairdressing shop?"

"Sir Alan Sugar: Business starts now! (He throws two sets of car keys at the candidates. One in Simon's direction and the other in Claire's)"

"Alex Wotherspoon: Simon, Ian and Lee did a fantastic job at actually knocking out the product- Michael Sophocles: Sorry, I find it absolutely insulting that you don't include me in the group of people who sold- Alex Wotherspoon:I acknowledge... Michael Sophocles:their absolute heart out. Alex Wotherspoon: Michael, you did a fantastic job... Michael Sophocles: I mean it's just... Alex Wotherspoon:I'm not insulting you at all. I've only met you all today, what do you mean "friends"? We've not formed any relationships. Michael Sophocles: I don't know. You just don't seem very interested."

"Lee McQueen: That's what I'm talking about! (repeated throughout the series)"