Discworld

"There was a cat-flap in the door."

"The old woman was a regular in Biers for the company and was quite gaga, and one of the symptoms of those going completely yo-yo was that they broke out in chronic cats. (p. 89)"

"Susan had never been able to see the attraction in cats. They were owned by the kind of people who liked puddings. There were actual people in the world whose idea of heaven would be a chocolate cat. (p. 89)"

"The house even imitated human houses. Death had created a bedroom for himself, despite the fact that he never slept. If he really picked things up from humans, had he tried insanity? It was very popular, after all. (p. 91)"

"You can't give her that!" she screamed. "It's not safe!"

"Many people are aware of the Weak and Strong Anthropic principles. The Weak One says, basically, that is was jolly amazing of the universe to be constructed in such a way that humans could evolve to a point where they make a living in, for example, universities, while the Strong One says that, on the contrary, the whole point of the universe was that humans should not only work in universities but also write for huge sums books with words like "Cosmic" and "Chaos" in the titles.†"

""It's all done by magic, Archchancellor," he said, giving up."

"Anyway, then later on it sinks to the level of religion and then they start this business where some poor bugger finds a special bean in his tucker, oho, everyone say, you're king, mate, and he thinks "This is a bit of all right" only they don't say it wouldn't be a good idea to start any long books, 'cos next thing he's legging it over the snow with a dozen other buggers chasing him with holy sickles so's the earth'll come to life again and all this snow'll go away. Very, you know...ethnic. Then some bright spark thought, hey, looks like that damn sun comes up anyway, so how come we're giving those druids all this free grub? Next thing you know, there's a job vacancy. That's the thing about gods. They'll always find a way to, you know...hang on.""

"Was the Hogfather a god? Why not? thought Susan. There were sacrifices, after all. All that sherry and pork pie. And he made commandments and rewarded the good and he knew what you were doing. If you believed, nice things happened to you. Sometimes you found him in a grotto, and sometimes he was up there in the sky... (pp. 125-126)"

"Who are you?"

"So mistletoe, in fact, symbolizes mistletoe?"

"said the Hogfather."

""Willow bark," said the Bursar."

"Then the Dean repeated the mantra that has had such a marked effect on the progress of knowledge through the ages."

"I remember my father tellin' me some valuable advice about drinks," said Ridcully. "He said, 'Son, never drink any drink with a paper umbrella in it, never drink any drink with a humorous name, and never drink any drink that changes color when the last ingredient goes in. And never, ever, do this—'"

"Right now, the light at the end of his mental tunnel showed only more tunnel. (p. 152)"

"The path to wisdom does, in fact, begin with a single step."

"While evidence says that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, they're probably all on first steps. (p. 160)"

"That's ridiculous, boy!" said the Dean. "Idiocy is not a communicable disease."

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. (p. 172)"

"+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++ (p. 175)"

"—what's this Anthropomorphic Personification, then?"

"It was a sore point. Like most people with no grasp whatsoever of real economics, Mustrum Ridcully equated "proper financial control" with the counting of paper clips. Even senior wizards had to produce a pencil stub to him before they were allowed a new one out of the locked cupboard below his desk. (p. 181)"

"There are those who believe knowledge is something that is acquired—a precious ore hacked, as it were, from the gray strata of ignorance."

"It was amazing how many people spent their whole lives in places where they never intended to stay. (p. 199)"

"It was so easy to slip into immortality, to ride the horse, to know everything. And every time you did, it brought closer the day when you could never get off and never forget."

"If anyone was thinking about making a mistake, you know, like maybe sending the guards down here tomorrow, tipping the old man out of his hovel, chuckin' him in prison, anything like that...werrlll...that's the kind of mistake he ought to treasure on account of it being the last mistake he'll ever make. A word to the wise men, right? (p. 207)"

"Charity ain't giving people what you wants to give, it's giving people what they need to get. (p. 207)"

"A sense of familiarity was creeping up on Susan, but surreptitiously, dodging behind things whenever she tried to concentrate on it. (p. 215)"

"There was color, in a sense, but it was the kind of color you'd get if you could shine a beam of black through a prism. (p. 215)"

"Time and space were, from Death's point of view, merely things that he'd heard described. When it came to Death, they ticked the box marked Not Applicable. It might help to think of the universe as a rubber sheet, or perhaps not. (p. 217)"

"What good's a god who gives you everything you want?"

""I can't help it if my family had money," said the Dean, and that might have defused things a bit had he not added, "and standards." (p. 229)"

""Madam, we're wizards," said the Senior Wrangler. "We don't do cheerful." (p. 234)"

"They were grown men or at least had lived for several decades, which in some societies is considered the same thing. (p. 269)"

"Teatime put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry," he said. "I'm on your side. A violent death is the last thing that'll happen to you." (p. 282)"

""She wasn't necessary," said Teatime. "Few people are." (p. 283)"

"Untruthful?" said Ridcully. "Me? I'm as honest as the day is long! Yes, what is it this time?"

"said Death, as Binky galloped through icy mountains."

"What you saw depended on how you looked. (p. 334)"

"Thank you. Now...tell me..."

"All right," said Susan, "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need...fantasies to make life bearable."

"Are those real mountains or some kind of shadows?"

"As far as Death was aware, the sole reason for any human association with pigs and lambs was as a prelude to chops and sausages. Quite why they should dress up for children's wallpaper as well was a mystery. Hello, little folk, this is what you're going to eat…He felt that if only he could find the key to it, he'd know a lot more about human beings. (p. 339)"

"Dullness. Only humans could have invented it. What imaginations they had. (p. 339)"

"He knew that young children could see him because they hadn't yet developed that convenient and selective blindness that comes with the intimation of personal mortality. (p. 339)"

"To all the fighters for peace. (dedication)"

""Why are our people going out there," said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves' Guild."

"When you hear the bang, there's no time to wonder how long the little fuse has been fizzing. (p. 21)"

"Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo. (p. 24)"