"C-123 Pilot: Gentleman, I'm responsible for anything that goes in this cargo hold. Now if that thing even twitches, you are gonna see an elephant fly."

"(upset, on the boat) I should be on a top secret mission with crack commandos but instead, I'm in an episode of McHale's Navy starring Dumbo, Mr. French, and the Three Stooges!"

"Colonel Nguyen: (after a request to shoot) I did not join this army to shoot elephants, especially ones that fly."

"Lihn: (angry) You nice American? You think you're Number One? You Number Ten!"

"Does anybody else here know how to work an elephant?"

"(on his cb radio) Gilman, may I remind you that I have friends who have absolutely no regard for the sanctity of human life? I pick up the phone, I have your head in a bag on my desk tomorrow morning."

"(after the elephant ceremony, to Cahill) When you're standing on a roof with your brother in Fort Lauderdale, I think you're really gonna enjoy the view."

"(after watching Cahill and Doyle's argument, in which Farley nearly goes over the bridge) Yep. I'm real happy about my decision to stick with you guys."

"When you weigh four tons, it's hard to be a secret weapon."

"Tai - Bo Tat"

"Marshall Bell - Major Pederson"

"Tim Kelleher - Major Morris"

"Hoang Ly - Brigadier Nguyen"

"Five tons of Disney fun!"

"Raymond Cruz - Staff Sergeant Adams"

"Vo Trung Anh - Captain Quang"

"Tchéky Karyo - Goddard"

"Jon Voight - Luke Martin"

"Penelope Milford - Vi Munson"

"Jane Fonda - Sally Hyde"

"Bruce Dern - Capt. Bob Hyde"

"Robert Carradine - Bill Munson"

"I have killed for my country, or whatever, and I don't feel good about it. 'Cause there's not enough reason, man, to feel a person die in your hands, or to see your best buddy get blown away."

"Willie Tyler - Virgil"

"Beeson Carroll - Capt. Earl Delise"

"Robert Ginty - Sgt. Dink Mobley"

"Mary Gregory - Martha Vickery"

"Kathleen Miller - Kathy Delise"

"[to Sally] You know, I spend 95% of the time at the hospital thinking of making love with you."

"[being interviewed by a television news crew after chaining himself to a Marines Recruitment Facility] The reason why I'm here is because a buddy of mine who'd been in 'Nam took his own life today. This is kind of a funeral service. And I'm here because I'm trying to tell people, man, if we want to commit suicide, we have plenty of reasons to do it right here at home. We don't have to go to Vietnam to find reasons to kill ourselves. I just don't think we should be over there."

"Excuse me, sir. Seeing as how the VP is such a VIP, shouldn't we keep the PC on the QT? 'Cause if it leaks to the VC he could end up MIA, and then we'd all be put on KP."

"Dan Stanton - Censor #1"

"Don Stanton - Censor #2"

"Floyd Vivino - Eddie Kirk"

"Richard Edson - Private Abersold"

"Juney Smith - Phil McPherson"

"Richard Portnow - Dan 'The Man' Levitan"

"Bruno Kirby - Lieutenant Steven Hauk"

"Robert Wuhl - Marty Lee Dreiwitz"

"Cu Ba Nguyen - Jimmy Wah"

"J.T. Walsh - Sergeant Major Dickerson"

"Chintara Sukapatana - Trinh"

"Noble Willingham - Brigadier General Taylor"

"Tung Thanh Tran - Tuan"

"My whole life passed before my eyes, and it wasn't even interesting to me.... It zoomed right by, just the way they say it does. Stamp collections, pulling chickweeds from my dad's dichondra plants, arranging rakes by sizes for my mom in the garage. Even encapsulated in two seconds, my life is dull. I find that very alarming."

"Let me ask you a question: what is the appeal of Joey Bishop? I mean, the man's not funny. I know funny, and he's not funny. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a nice guy, but my father's a nice guy and he's not funny either! Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me."