"Now they've killed. And for that, they must be killed. It has to be done and done quickly before we start a stone growing that'll gather enough poison moss to kill us all!"

"Mr. President, the people must be told that the killers of today could become the mass murderers of tomorrow!"

"That's what I'm worried about. Later. Later, we'll do something about pollution. Later, we'll do something about the population explosion. Later, we'll do something about the nuclear war! We think we've got all the time in the world!! How much time has the world got?!! Somebody has to begin to care!"

"Zira! I want that baby! If you won't give it to me, I'll shoot!"

"You are asking me to risk imprisonment for the sake of two fugitive apes?! My answer is: a thousand times, yes!"

"By a majority vote, the Commission finds no solid evidence for hostility by either ape towards the human race as is presently constituted in this Year of our Lord, 1973. The male's attitude is that of a deeply interested and well-disposed academician who studied the alleged future downfall of the human race with the true objectivity of a good historian. The female's case, however, is different in that she undoubtedly committed actions against the human race of a sort which, if they were to be committed today, would be called atrocities. But would they be so called in two thousand years' time when it is alleged that humans will have become dumb brutes with the restricted intelligence of animals? It has been pointed out that what apes will do to humans is no more than what humans are now doing to beasts. Nonetheless, the Commission is sympathetic to Dr. Hasslein's conviction that the progeny of these apes could, in centuries to come, prove an increasing threat to the human race and conceivably end by dominating it. This is a risk we dare not ignore. Therefore, the Commission unanimously recommends that the birth of the female ape's unborn child should be prevented. And that after its prenatal removal, both the male and the female should humanely be rendered incapable of bearing another. I now declare this Commission dissolved."

"Brian Doyle-Murray as the Janitor: the magical figure who makes the transformation possible."

"Thomas Lennon and Tyler Steelman as Ned Gold"

"Sterling Knight as Alex O'Donnell"

"Michelle Trachtenberg as Margaret Sarah "Maggie" O'Donnell"

"Leslie Mann and Allison Miller as Scarlet Porter O'Donnell"

"Matthew Perry and Zac Efron as Mike O'Donnell"

"Back to High School"

"Who says you're only young once?"

"High school star, never quite lived up to your potential. Sooner or later you all come back to your old school, stand there and look at the pictures of your glory days, wondering what might have been. Seems to me you guys are living in the past."

"[pretending to read a letter to Scarlet in divorce court] Scarlet, before you go through with this, I want to remind you of September 7th, 1988. It was the first time that I saw you. You were reading Less Than Zero, and you were wearing a Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt. I'd never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die... then you whispered that you loved me at the homecoming dance, and I felt so peaceful... and safe... because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing could ever be that bad... because I had you. And then I, uh... I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today... but I don't want you to. But I guess... if I love you, I should let you move on."

"[In the bleachers, talking to Maggie] When you're young everything feels like the end of the world. But it's not it's just the beginning. You might have to meet a few more jerks. But one day you're gonna meet a boy who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like the sun rises and sets with you."

"This is not your father's Star Trek."

"Prepare For The Beginning."

"The Future Begins."

"Your father was captain of a starship for 12 minutes. He saved 800 lives, including your mother's. And yours. I dare you to do better. [parting words to James Kirk, the night before he decides to enlist in Starfleet]"

"James T. Kirk was considered to be a great man. He went on to captain the USS Enterprise... but that was another life. A life I will deprive you of, just like I did your father!"

"[final lines] Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Her ongoing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life-forms and new civilizations; to boldly go where no one has gone... before."

"Acting Captain's Log, Stardate 2258.42. We have had no word from Captain Pike. I've therefore classified him a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate no more than 10,000 have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species."

"I'm accustomed to stand when a woman leaves the table."

"Are you suggesting that there exists a law compelling gentlemen to lay hold of canine bowel movements?"

"Andrew Jack - John A. Roebling"

"Phillip Bosco - Otis"

"Spalding Gray - Dr. Geisler"

"Paxton Whitehead - Uncle Millard"

"Bradley Whitford - J.J."

"Natasha Lyonne - Darci"

"Breckin Meyer - Charlie McKay"

"Liev Schreiber - Stuart Besser"

"Hugh Jackman - Leopold"

"Meg Ryan - Kate McKay"

"I don't want him ready. I want him resplendent!"

"All this time I thought that I had "pretzeled" fate, and it had to be untwisted, but what I never considered is that the whole thing is a pretzel. A beautiful 4D pretzel of kismetic inevitability."

"Theoretically, if you go to the past in the future, then your future lies in the past. This is a picture of you in the future - in the past."

"You know something? Nobody gives a rat's ass that you have to push the toast down twice! You know why? Because EVERYBODY pushes their toast down twice!"

"I haven't been your girlfriend for a whole month now. You can tell me the truth."

"[to JJ] By the way, there is no "Andre" in Boheme; it's Rodolfo. And though it takes place in France, it is rarely played in French as it is written in Italian. Goodnight, Kate."

"I warn you, scoundrel, I was trained to ride at the King's Academy, and schooled in weaponry by the Palace Guard; you stand no chance. When you run, I shall ride, and when you stop, the steel of this strap shall be lodged in your brain!"

"Everything you have, you lose, right? Mother, father - gone. Good looks, Pryzwarra? - gone. Loved ones gone in a second. That's what this job teaches you, isn't it? No matter what, no matter how hard you grab onto something - you still lose it, right?"

"[Last lines] Mrs. Watchett: Mister Filby, do you suppose he'll ever return? David Filby: One cannot choose, but wonder. You see, he's all the time in the world."

"[In 1900, David Filby discovers that George has left in the time machine again] David Filby: He must have taken something with him... Mrs. Watchett (George's housekeeper): Nothing... except three books. David Filby: Which three books? Mrs. Watchett: I don't know... is it important? David Filby: Oh, I suppose not. Only, which three books would you have taken?"

"[George's friends have just seen the small-scale replica of the time machine vanish before their eyes] DR. Philip Hillyer: I'll be damned! But where did it go? George: Nowhere in the usual sense - it's still here!"

"George... I speak to you as a friend – more as a brother... if that machine can do what you say it can, destroy it. Destroy it, George, before it destroys you!"