"I have a saying. 'Never judge a book by its cover'. I say that because I don't even know who Ozzy is. I wake up a new person every day. But if you've got a fantasy of Ozzy, who am I to say? I mean, if you think I sleep upside-down in the rafters and fly around at night and bite people's throats out, then that's your thing. But I can tell you now, all I ever wanted was for people to come to my concerts and have a good time. I don't want anyone to harm themselves in any way, shape or form-and my intentions are good whether people want to believe it or not. I'm not going to suddenly become a Jesus freak or anything. But I do have my beliefs and my beliefs are certainly not satanic."

"I have a message for anyone coming to the Ozzfest this summer (Summer, 2000): If you're planning to jump up onstage during my set, please do not give me any bear hugs, because they fucking hurt. Listen to me, I'm dead serious. On the first night of last year's tour, this enormous guy jumped up onstage and gave me a huge bear hug. He crushed 3 of my ribs and I had to do the whole tour in absolute agony. I couldn't believe it, the first fucking show!"

"Somebody said to me this morning, 'To what do you attribute your longevity?' I don't know. I mean, I couldn't have planned my life out better. By all accounts I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through: the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I've lived the last 30 years! Now, some rare fly will fly over me, crap on my shoulder, and I'll drop dead, you know? My life story is a real-life story."

"When we did that album (Vol. 4) it was like one big Roman orgy-we'd be in the Jacuzzi all day doing coke, and every now and then we'd get up to do a song."

"It took a lot of water to down just that fucking bat's head, let me tell you. It's still stuck in my fucking throat, after all these years. People all over the world say, 'You're the guy who kills creatures? You still do it? You do it every night?' It happened fucking once, for Christ's sake."

"I don't consider myself a great singer--but I have a connection with the audience. There's the artist, and then a void and the audience; but I like to be part of the audience. I'd like to be them, and I'd like them to be me for an hour and a half. I get criticized for being the antichrist, causing kids to commit suicide, but that's total bullsh-t. My intentions are not that. Every year they have Halloween, and all I do is take Halloween night out on the road every night. It's like a Halloween party every night. If that was the case on Halloween night, the police cells would be full--everyone would have turned Satanic for the night!"

"I kept hearing that metal is dead and Ozzy's dead and people that like Ozzy are dead. I have never had an empty seat. I've always sold out, so who's saying it's all over?"

"I'm about caring, I'm about people, and I'm about entertaining people. I'm a family man. A husband. A father. I've been a lot of other things over the years, which we don't really want to talk about. I'm always working on trying to better myself, you know? I think that that is an ongoing thing with me. I think I'll do that for the rest of my life. I'm always thinking of what I can do today to better my life."

"Here's the thing. I always hear that whole 'metal is dead' crap. The truth of the matter is that when we started the Ozzfest, media-wise, yes, metal was dead. But as far as the kids went, it was still huge. It was just that radio and MTV decided it wasn't in vogue with what they wanted to do at the time, so the average person didn't hear too much about it. That's why when it comes to picking the new acts each summer, we have people out there on the internet and in the clubs looking for good music and finding bands that people are excited about. I want to know what the kids are into, because I don't trust the industry."

"I miss the lack of melody [in current music] as well. I mean, a lot of people think I'm crazy for liking Creed and I like them purely because they sing! I mean, the singer of Creed sings like the guy from Pearl Jam, very close kind of voice. But I like the fact that Creed sing. I don't care if they're a Bible band, Satan band..."

"I've had every known chemical--cocaine, booze--and tobacco is the hardest one in the world for me to quit. You watch old flicks? It's suggestion by looking at something: You see a cigarette, and it makes you want to smoke!"

"I have no regrets except that I wasn't up to keep Randy (Rhoads) from getting on that plane."

"...the other day, I went to a chiropractor. He's just a regular chiropractor. Whenever I meet someone who doesn't know me, they say, 'Oh you're the guy who bites the heads off everything.' I get kind of cheesed off with it, but at least they remember. The thing that pisses me off is that that's not what I'm about. If that's what you think Ozzy Osbourne's about, then you're way off."

"The downside of being outrageous is that you have to go around explaining your fucking self to people. If you're too cocky, somebody might just pull out a fucking gun and cock it and blow your fucking face off. You gotta be really careful what you bite off. Don't bite off more than you can chew. It's a dangerous world."

"This will end in tears."

"Nobody tells me fuck all!"

"Let me explain something to you - you have not been standing in front of thirty thousand decibals for thirty-five years - write me a note!"

"I've done a lot worse than jump off piers, son. Like throw a television out the window."

"I've had this TV for 7 years, this is how it works. Power on - it comes on. Simple clicker, volume control - piece of piss. Works every time.... what the fuck's this? What am I doing? JACK!!"

"[while lighting a fire on the beach] Fuck! Go to Alaska! No, no, no, no. You fucking asshole ocean! No!"

"I like warming my butt by the fire."

"[hugging Sharon] Merry xmas....now fuck off."

"[after one of his dogs urinated in the bedroom] Who pissed!!? Who pissed on my fucking carpet!?! That bastard fucking dog man. I'm going to throw you in the pool! Get the fuck out of my house! Why do they do it Sharon? Whats the deal man? It's a fucking terrorist man! It's fucking part of Bin Laden's gang! Fucking Ali Baba used to go work on this rug."

"How the fuck you feed a tree?...What...you put a ham sandwich on the tree?"

"I am a new and reformed Christian follower, I Love God"

"I am a raging alcoholic, but I don't want my kids to do the same."

"I love you all; I love you more than life itself, but you're all fucking mad!"

"I keep hearing this [expletive] thing that guns don't kill people, but people kill people."

"Who the fuck is Justin Bieber?"

"Weather in Afghanistan, 2000 degrees and cloudy. What the fuck am I doing? I'm stuck on the weather channel. AHHH!"

"No we won't -- no we won't break the law Sharon."

"Its like Dr. Doolittle in this fucking house here."

"[To Kelly, after he's become suspicious] You haven't been playing doctors and nurses have you?"

"We are not going to continue until we hear the fucking roof rattle."

"All you have to do is say Fuck Off when the vagina doctor calls."

"Well, its not that bad. I thought she was going to show me a picture of uhhhh...an eagle on her ass or something."

"You don't need to hire a dog therapist, you just need to wake up at 7 am and open the fucking door!"

"International rock star - gravy maker extraordinaire."

"Turn that thing off, its driving me mad!"

"If you want to be fucking individual, don't get a tattoo. Every fucker's got one these days."

"I hate these fucking stretch bastards junk pimp mobiles!"

"We're the Osbournes, and I love it."

"I live in a 9 million dollar turd."

"I push this one button and the shower goes on and I think, where the fuck am I?"

"All that stuff about heavy metal and hard rock, I don't subscribe to any of that. It's all just music. I mean, the heavy metal from the Seventies sounds nothing like the stuff from the Eighties, and that sounds nothing like the stuff from the Nineties. Who's to say what is and isn't a certain type of music?"

"I like the word fuck. Fucking deal with it and move on to the first fucking question you have."

"I can honestly say, all the bad things that ever happened to me were directly, directly attributed to drugs and alcohol. I mean, I would never piss on a piece of stone at the fucking Alamo at nine o'clock in the morning dressed in a woman's evening dress sober. I mean I know I'm a fucking crazy-ass but still."

"I just can't wake from these scary dreams."

"We all must stand together now A one by one we fall For all these years you stood by me God bless I love you all"