"Dorothy Baker: [to Jake Ryan on the phone] Now you listen to me, mister! God did not put me on this Earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you! And as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense to stay clear of the likes of you! Now goodnight and goodbye!"

"Ginny Baker: I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row."

"No more yanky my wanky The Donger need food!"

"Oh, sexy girlfriend!"

"What's happenin', hot stuff?"

"[to his buddies, after knocking over a beer can stack] Very nice! We're here five minutes, and I–! I'm at a loss!"

"Wease, we've got seventy dollars and a pair of girl's underpants. We're safe as kittens."

"Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life and I'm like a disease."

"I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek."

"I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday."

"Johnny Galecki - Russell 'Rusty/Russ' Griswold"

"Brian Doyle-Murray - Mr. Frank Shirley"

"Julia Louis-Dreyfus - Margo Chester"

"Nicholas Guest - Todd Chester"

"Mae Questel - Aunt Bethany (final role)"

"William Hickey - Uncle Lewis"

"Ellen Hamilton Latzen - Cousin Ruby Sue Johnson"

"Cody Burger - Cousin Rocky Johnson"

"Miriam Flynn - Cousin Catherine Johnson"

"Randy Quaid - Cousin Edward "Eddie" Johnson"

"Doris Roberts - Frances Smith"

"E.G. Marshall - Art Smith"

"Diane Ladd - Nora Griswold"

"John Randolph - Clark Wilhelm Griswold, Sr."

"Audrey Griswold: Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?"

"[after finding out that Clark has received a "Jelly of the Month" club membership in place of a bonus] Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year."

"Clark, I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair, it's a good quality item. If you don't mind my askin', how much did she set you back?"

"I don't know if I oughta go sailin' down no hill with nothin' between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic."

"[about Snot] He's cute ain't he? Only problem is, he's got a little bit a "Mississippi leg hound" in 'im. If the mood catches him right, he'll grab your leg and just go to town. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it's best to just let 'im finish."

"That right there is a RV, I got it off my buddy of mine. He took my house, I took the RV."

"[last line] I did it."

"Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here! With a big ribbon on his head! I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-… [kicks something] sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! HALLELUJAH! HOLY SHIT! Where's the Tylenol?"

"[sliding through a forest on his saucer sled, barely avoiding trees] This is great! It's great! I'm dead!"

"Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W. Griswold, Jr.! Remember, don't try this at home, kids; I am a professional. Later, dudes. Let 'er rip. Hang 10! [pushes off; goes sledding downhill at ridiculously high speed] OH, SHIIIIIIIIIT!!"

"I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas."

"[handing Christmas lights to Russ] Unravel these. We need to check every bulb. [pulls out a huge tangle of lights] Oop. Little knot here, you can work on that. [hands it to Russ]"