"Some footballers earn a fortune. 30 grand, 40 grand, 90 grand a week, some of them. And then they say stuff in interviews like "I'm not really enjoying the football at the moment." Not enjoying the football? 90 grand a week? I'd be fucking delirious with it! I wouldn't just hug somebody for scoring a goal, I'd shag 'em."

"My phone will ring at three in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go "Who's that calling at this time?" I don't fucking know! If I knew that, we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

"The Happy Eater! They're miserable as fuck! You go in the Happy Eater, you'll see a woman behind the counter at the deep fat frier like this [sobs] "DON'T ASK FOR CHIPS! [sobs louder] I FUCKIN' HATE CHIPS!" "Chips with this, chips with that... chips with me an' all." I'll stick me head in the deep fat frier in a minute: "Chips with this, chips with that...""

"TGI Friday's, American style restaurant. Well, they're mental, they're mental. I dunno. It's American, "Have a nice day" and everything. So I go in, sit in a booth. This bloke comes out of the kitchen and went [in a high-pitched voice] "HI!" [imitates fireworks whistling] "Yes, you are, aren't you?" What are they on in there? They must be in the kitchen, going [imitates snorting cocaine] "HIGH! WHAT CAN I DO FER YOU?" "You can fuck off!" "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FUCK OFF?" "With a punch up the neck, get out of it!" I've figured out a way to get them back: be the same as them, just before you go in, get yourself prepared and go like "HI!" They come round there, like, "H-... OH, MY GOD, THE SAME AS US!""

"I don't come out on film. I get the red eye. Blokes like that: [imitates knocking someone out] "You fuckin' will in a minute, ya twat!""

"Jed Exodus, sounds like he's gonna go get changed in a phone box [heroic American accent] "WATCH OUT FOR JED EXODUS... I AM THE PISSER... I CAN FILL A LOO IN NO TIME." That's where he's probably just gone now, out to prevent a crime. "HEY YOU, GET AWAY FROM THAT WOMAN AND STOP MUGGING HER." "All right mate, all right." "THERE YOU GO, MADAM, YOU CAN GO ON YOUR WAY, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS, PISS.""

"My wife, she is a beautiful woman, but in labour she turned into fucking Jack Nicholson from The Shining. "You. You fucking did this to me!" "But I thought it was a shared experience" "No. You fucking did this!""

"They'll drop a cage into the water, and the shark'll be. like, "What you doin' down 'ere? What you fuckin' doin' down 'ere?" And they'll get a bit of meat on a stick and go "Oy! Wanker! Bleurgh!" And they’ll go "Oh, is that for me?" [pretends to shove meat in shark’s mouth] "You fuckin’...""

"Someone walked up to me the other day and went "Excuse me... Can you show me where the station is, please?" I said "Yes, officer, if you just...""

"I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?"

"It's like unison, "Welcome to speech therapy, all together!"..."NAOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!""

"We don't get telly round our way, sir"! "Yeah, we hang you buggers round our way, we do"… "No, we all came on the same coach, sir"… "Norwich, that's us, sir." There's a bloke on the fifth row going "You're gonna die now, sir, you are!"

"Bees. They don't know they've even got a fuckin' sting. It's like buzzes, it's a twat with a shotgun!"

"I said to my wife "If I ever get like that, ya know, mumbling to myself and shitting my pants, shoot me." She said "Fucking run, monkey boy!""

"How sweet to be an idiot At my back With no fear of attack As much retaliation as a toy."

"I have suffered for my music. Now it's your turn."

"Oh Lord, make thy law, I entreat thee, our delight."

"Hope is like a harebell, trembling from its birth, Love is like a rose, the joy of all the earth, Faith is like a lily, lifted high and white, Love is like a lovely rose, the world’s delight. Harebells and sweet lilies show a thornless growth, But the rose with all its thorns excels them both."

"All earth’s full rivers can not fill The sea that drinking thirsteth still."

"Sleeping at last, the trouble and tumult over, Sleeping at last, the struggle and horror past, Cold and white, out of sight of friend and of lover, Sleeping at last."

"One day in the country Is worth a month in town."

"In the bleak mid-winter Frosty wind made moan, Earth stood hard as iron, Water like a stone; Snow had fallen, snow on snow, Snow on snow, In the bleak mid-winter Long ago."

"Silence more musical than any song."

"Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I: But when the trees bow down their heads The wind is passing by."

"When I am dead, my dearest, Sing no sad songs for me; Plant thou no roses at my head, Nor shady cypress tree: Be the green grass above me With showers and dewdrops wet; And if thou wilt, remember, And if thou wilt, forget."

"Remember me when I am gone away, Gone far away into the silent land."

"The birthday of my life Is come, my love is come to me."

"Better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad."

"Does the road wind up-hill all the way? Yes, to the very end. Will the day's journey take the whole long day? From morn to night, my friend."

"For there is no friend like a sister In calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, To fetch one if one goes astray, To lift one if one totters down, To strengthen whilst one stands."

"My heart is like a singing bird Whose nest is in a water'd shoot; My heart is like an apple-tree Whose boughs are bent with thick-set fruit."

"Oh roses for the flush of youth, And laurel for the perfect prime; But pluck an ivy branch for me Grown old before my time."

"(Another story inspired by a previous story was "Pico Rico Mandorico," the story of two sisters who escape the power of a devil figure. Wasn't that influenced by Christina Rossetti's "Goblin Market"?) Yes, in fact my story is a prose rendition of the poem. I said so in the introduction to Sonatinas, the book in Spanish…I liked it so much I said, "I want to do my own version of this"... Writing is a lot like sewing: You bring pieces together and make a quilt. What brought me to Rossetti's story was a dirge, a little ditty called "Pico Rico Mandorico/Quién te dio tamaño pico?" ["Pico Rico, far and wide/leaves a mark where others hide"]. In this nursery rhyme there is a man dressed in black who comes to the house of a little girl. It's always on Sundays-that's very important. He has a very long nose and he spills everything on the table, so they have to cut off his nose. The man is really a devil, and he wants to steal the little girl and take her away with him. The Christina Rossetti story reminded me of the nursery rhyme, and I made a quilt of both."

"My Shangri-la has gone away, Faded like the Beatles on Hey Jude She seemed to drift out on the rain That came in somewhere softly from the blue."

"It was one of those nights One of those nights When you feel the world stop turning You were standing there There was music in the air I should have been away But I knew I had to stay"

"It's a livin' thing. It's a terrible thing to lose. It's a given thing. What a terrible thing to lose."

"At the end of the day I have to please myself. And I've made a record to please myself."

"Midnight on the water I saw the ocean's daughter Walking on a wave's chicane Staring as she called my name And I can't get it out of my head No, I can't get it out of my head Now my old world is gone for dead 'Cos I can't get it out of my head"

"Underneath a starry sky Time was still but hours must really have rushed by I didn't realize But love was in your eyes I really should have gone But love went on and on"

"I like the natural sound of a room. All the rooms have their own sound, so it's a matter of putting it where you like and seeing what it sounds like."

"A place where nobody dared to go the love that we came to know They call it Xanadu And now, open your eyes and see what we have made is real We are in Xanadu A million lights are dancing and there you are, a shooting star An everlasting world and you're here with me, eternally Xanadu"

"When you get so down that you can't get up, and you want so much but you're all out of luck When you're so downhearted and misunderstood, just over and over and over, you could..."

"The love, the echoes of long ago you needed the world to know They are in Xanadu The dream that came through a million years That lived on through all the tears, it came to Xanadu"

"As I gaze around at these strangers in town, I guess the only stranger is me. As I see what they've done to this place that was home, shame is all that I feel."

"I've got a ticket to the moon. I'll be leaving here any day soon"

"Luella Bartley: "She had an unabashed in-your-face craziness that I loved, admired, and identified with.""

"Ryan McGinley: "We had to basically rig a truss for this swing; it was a major production to make sure it was safe. I tried it out. M.I.A. might have gotten there and said, 'I'm not doing this; this is too crazy.' But she got on and just started swinging like it was something normal. "I remember her saying, 'If I'm going to go out, this is an awesome way to go.'""

"Kesh: "I appreciate M.I.A.. A real artist.""

"Nas: "Her sound is the future.""

"Jean-Charles de Castelbajac: "I have collaborated with M.I.A. for four years but I also like Metronomy and Ebony Bones. There are a lot of talented people around." 2010"