"[Hallucinations of blunt force-induced concussion, male voices] Fuck you Chelios! Hey fuck you Chelios! Fuck you Chelios! [Female voice] Fucking fuck your balls Chelios! [Male voices] Yo Chelios, fuck you! Fuck off Chelios! Fuck off Cheli-fucking-os!"

"[Chico's cohorts throws Chelios unconscious body into vehicle trunk] Fuck you, Chelios!"

"[To Chev] You are my shiny lunch box."

"I know where Johnny Vang go!"

"He treated me like his hot little whore."

"[To Chev, dry humping him] You need me like Whitney Houston, dude!"

"Chev, I'm a certified heart surgeon. Well, I was. Lost my license after I fucked up my ex-wife's vaginal rejuvenation procedure in our basement. That's irrelevant right now. The point is, if you get hold of your heart, I'm reasonably sure I can put it back in for you."

"[To mistress Chocolate backtalking over a favor request] Is Doc Miles gonna have to choke a bitch?"

"[Peering into Johnny's cooler] This isn't my fucking pumper! Becomes deeply revulsed] What is that? What kind of sick freak carries around something like this in a box? I am shocked to my fuckin' core. You have got some big problems, motherfucker. [Drops cooler on ground] What the fuck is that?"

"Efren Ramirez as Venus"

"[Chico pisses in the wake of a motorboat] Massive homo cunt!"

"Jason Statham as Chev Chelios"

"[Catches up with Johnny Vang after chase] Did I just drop some change... [grabs Johnny Vang by neck] ...or did I hear a chink?"

"Amy Smart as Eve Lydon"

"I can bet on my grandma's coochie, he's at the horse track!"

"[Referring to Eve while at the pornstar strike] I'm gonna bang that bitch in the back!"

"[Upon seeing guys using a shock collar on their dog] You pair of sausage nigels! How do you sleep at night?"

"[To Poon Dong realizing his honey trapping folly, holds up surgical instruments in surgical gloves] Confucius say, "Karma's a bitch"."

"This is a weird scene; we've got pissed off beaver-hoover. I'm in pursuit."

"You my nigga. Can't get no bigger. L.A. Underground, we're like a family, man. We a freak-ass family, but we family, all right? We look out for our own."

"In a story so bizarre I can scarcely believe the event I'm reporting, and yet corroborated by at least a dozen eyewitnesses, a white male apparently fell from the sky above downtown Los Angeles today, landed in the middle of a busy intersection, destroying one vehicle and hospitalizing its elderly driver, and then was removed from the scene before emergency personnel could respond. Without a body, the police have yet to piece together the events of a day that can only be described as...implausible. Reports of a second body landing in the Boyle Heights area have yet to be confirmed and are being treated as the bullshit they most likely are."

"[Poon Dong is driven around with him all dressed up and trying to get women's attentions, to Asian women] Hey, I got five dollars says you blow me for twenty bucks. Oh, stop. Stop right here. Stop right here. Hey, baby. Hey. Hey, baby. How you doing? I'm doing okay, baby. Yeah? How you doing? What you need? You know what I need. Come on. Come on, Daddy."

"[To Chev, about Venus after getting ejected from vehicle after suffering a seizure attack] Your friend has the gay condition. [Laughs]"

"[To Eve] Look, baby. All right, I'm tryin' to be cool to you, but I will drop the hammer. [Holds up hand in a manner implying domestic violence] You want me to drop the hammer, baby? [Gets thrown onto a parked car by Eve of unexplained superhuman strength]"

"Morgan Davies - Danny"

"Gabrielle Echols - Bridget"

"Richard Crouchley - Caleb"

"Nell Fisher - Kassie"

"Open up and let us in, Kassie. We can be a big happy family again."