"[singing] You wouldn't dare be too bold, would you? And think that my hand was to hold, would you? And you wouldn't play on my sympathy, then take advantage of me... would you? You shouldn't be quite so near, should you? Or whisper those words in my ear, should you? You can't get romantic; that, you know, takes two. But darling, if I would... would you?"

"Bing Crosby — Duke Johnson/Junior Hooton"

"Yeah? Well, I ain't afraid to die. I just hate being killed, that's all."

"Bob Hope — Chester Hooton"

"Dorothy Lamour — Sal Van Hoyden"

"Robert Benchley — Narrator"

"Jack La Rue — LeBec"

"Robert Barrat — Sperry"

"Douglass Dumbrille — Ace Larson"

"Nestor Paiva — McGurk"

"If those hoodlums ever get off that boat, we'll be smiling ear to ear... with our throats!"

"Hillary Brooke — Kate"

"Emory Parnell — Sherman"

"Jack Ingram — Henchman"

"Rex Lease — Old Timer"

"Lou Costello — George Bell"

"Mitzi Green — Rosette"

"Tom Ewell — 'Nugget Joe' McDermott"

"Bud Abbott — Tom Watson"

"The Northern Lights Have Never Seen Funnier Sights!"

"Bruce Cabot — Jake Stillman"

"It's ALL NEW and a RIOT TOO!"

"[after Mrs. McGillicuddy, the landlady, threatens to get the police and have them arrested for nonpayment of rent] Oh, it's much too cold for you to be flying around on a broom!"

"Burt Reynolds - Judge Walter Burns"

"Little Richard - himself"

"L. Scott Caldwell – Judge McGibbons"

"Phil Esposito - himself"

"Steve Levy - himself"

"Terry David Mulligan – Dr. Henry Savage"

"Mike Myers - Donnie Shulzhoffer"

"Judith Ivey - Mrs. Joanne Burns"

"Megyn Price - Sarah Heinz"

"Jim Fox - himself"

"Barry Melrose - himself"

"Adam Beach - Galin Winetka"

"Big doings we got here in Mystery. Price World wants to come here, and now the New York Rangers want to come."

"Leroy Peltier - Ben Winetka"

"A Small Town on the Outskirts of Greatness."

"Jason Gray-Stanford - Bobby Michan"

"Cameron Bancroft – "Tinker" Connolly"

"Beth Littleford - Janice Pettiboe"

"Kevin Durand - "Tree" Lane"

"Michael McKean - Mr. Walsh"

"Forgive me, your honor. I'm fat."

"Russell Crowe - Sheriff John Biebe"

"Scott Grimes - Brian "Birdie" Burns"

"Maury Chaykin - Bailey Pruitt"

"Ron Eldard - Matt "Skank" Marden"

"Michael Buie - Connor Banks"