"[entering their cave] Not bad, huh? This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. It's too bad that they built it on the San Andreas Fault. In 1906, when the Big One hit San Francisco, the ground opened up and this place took a header right into the crack. So now, it's ours."

"[to Alan] How much you think we should charge out of this?"

"I think I should warn you all, when a vampire buys it, it's never a pretty sight. No two blood suckers go out the same way. Some yell and scream, some go quietly, some explode, some implode. But all will try and take you with them."

"Holy smoke, Vampire Hotel."

"We don't ride with vampires. [Realizes that they're just outside of the Vampires' cave] We do now."

"Holy smoke, it's the attack of Eddie Munster!"

"Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked."

"[to Star] Don't kill anybody until we get back to you!"

"It's that girl from the boardwalk. Is she one of them?... [Star floats up] She's one of them! And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike!"

"[as Michael comes home in the morning] Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night."

"Michael Emerson: [upon seeing Grandpa's workroom, filled with deer heads and other animals] Talk about the Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

"Lucy Emerson: [to Sam] I can never sleep with the closet door open, either. Not even a crack. Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit, but I think that one of the reasons I divorced your father was because he never believed in the closet monster."

"Kiefer Sutherland - Nelson"

"David Labraccio: [screaming at a religious stained-glass portrait] I'm sorry.. we trespassed on your… fucking territory. God! I'm sorry!"

"Joe Hurley: Excuse me, I don't want to ruin anybody's evening, but are we in the room with a dead man?"

"Joe Hurley: This is not the kind of shit I want on my transcript."

"Winnie Hicks: [the little girl in his mind to David Labraccio] Hey, fellatio! Got a match? Well, I do. Your face and my ass. Your breath's made of buffalo fart. You don't know jack SHIT! BUTT-WAD, NEEDLE-DICK, COCK-BITE, JACK-OFF, LIMP-WRIST, CORN-HOLE, BANANA-BREATH, SHIT-BIRD, BIRD-TURD, TURD-FACE, KISS-ASS, BROWN-NOSE, MACHO-WIMP, LIMP-DICK, FART-FACE, TURD-MERCHANT! What's the matter? Gonna cry? Cry-baby Davie. Cry Cry Cry! SHIT-FACED, RAT-TURD, ASS-LICKING, SON-OF-A-BITCH."

"Rachel: [as she's about to "flatline" in their experiment] See you soon."

"David Labraccio: Die to be a hero someday if you want to, but don't die to be a celebrity."

"David Labraccio: [about his death experience] It's like being paranoid without the fear. Like being watched."

"Good thing I didn't flatline. My 350-pound babysitter would be chasing me for the half-eaten pastrami sandwich I stole from her."

"[dictating a diary entry into his tape recorder] Halloween morning. Rotting pumpkins. Burning leaves. Black cats mating like rats in the alley. It was as if . . . it were as if we felt no fear, as if we were already dead and had nothing to lose by dying. Or perhaps it was because we had lived life so well, and loved life so much, that we fancied ourselves immortal, overwhelming the powers that be with the force of our passion for science. [long pause] Or maybe we were just fucked in the head."

"[talking about the experiment] I did not come to medical school to murder my class mates no matter how deranged they might be."

"[talking to the tombstone of Billy Mahoney] Wake up you little shit, you got company!"

"Hello, I'm nice, he's nice, we're both fucking lunatics. Can I come in, please?"

"C'mon, Billy Mahoney. C'mon... Gimme your best shot. I dare ya. I fuckin' dare ya."

"Somehow we've brought our sins back physically. And they're pissed."

"Everything matters, everything we do matters."

"Philosophy failed. Religion failed. Now it's time for medical science to try."

"[doing CPR] One one thousand, two one thousand . . . what comes next?"

"Julia Roberts - Rachel Mannus"

"Some lines shouldn't be crossed."

"Hope Davis - Anne Coldren"

"Benjamin Mouton - Rachel's Father"

"Joshua Rudoy - Billy Mahoney"

"Kimberly Scott - Winnie Hicks"

"Oliver Platt - Randy Steckle"

"William Baldwin - Joe Hurley"

"Kevin Bacon - David Labraccio"

"Today is a good day to die."

"[after his friends said he didn't have the balls to do the experiment] You bring the equipment, I'll bring my balls."