"[Jake leaves with Alonzo's pay-off for the Russian mob] What? Oh, no, you didn't. Wait a minute, no, you didn't! Aye, aye, Jake! Hey! Jake! Jake! Jake, come back here! Jake! You disloyal fool-ass bitch-made-punk. Jake! I need my money! Jake! [to the neighbourhood residents who turned on him, tired of his abuse] Awwww, you motherfuckers. [chuckles] Okay. All right. I'm putting cases on all of you bitches! Huh? You think you can do this shit? Jake! You think you can do this to me?! You motherfuckers will be playin' basketball in Pelican Bay when I get finished with you! SHU program, nigga! 23 hour lockdown! I'm the man up in this piece! You'll never see the light of-- Who the fuck do you think you fuckin' with?! I'm the police! I run shit here! You just live here! Yeah, that's right, you better walk away! Go on and walk away, 'cause I'm gonna burn this motherfucker down! King Kong ain't got shit on me! That's right, that's right. Shit, I don't fuck. I'm winnin' anyway. I'm winnin'. I'm winnin' any motherfuckin' way, I can't lose. Shit, you can shoot me, but you can't kill me. [laughing to himself] Shit! Oh, what a day! What a motherfucking day!"

"Shit gets deeper... You get the picture?"

"You know, I'm surgical with this bitch, Jake!"

"Fuck him and everybody who looks like him."

"[singing] Oh where, oh where has my little Jake gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?"

"You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home?"

"It's not what you know; it's what you can prove."

"To protect the sheep you gotta catch the wolf, and it takes a wolf to catch a wolf."

"The shit's chess, it ain't checkers!"

"Alonzo, he's a hothead. Last week in Vegas some Russian starts talking shit and Alonzo he just snapped. Beat his ass to death. Turns out that Russian is a somebody and now Alonzo, he's into the Russians for a million."

"Norman Reedus – Murphy McManus"

"Sean Patrick Flanery – Connor McManus"

"Willem Dafoe – Paul Smecker"

"Ron Jeremy – Vincenzo Lipazzi"

"Billy Connolly – Il Duce"

"David Della Rocco – David Della Rocco AKA "Funnyman""

"Cuddle? What a fag."

"There was a fire-fight!!"

"Now, you Irish cops are perking up. That's two sound theories in one day, neither of which deal with abnormally sized men. Kind of makes me feel like Riverdancing. [Begins dancing]"

"[After proving the Boston detectives wrong] We'll start the ass-kissing with you."