"[Appears on the TV as a injuries compensation lawyer doing an infommercial] Feeling sick? Stubbed your toe? Call this lawyer. I'll fix your woe. Agony is my business. I'll fight for you! Even you, Mitch."

"Ken Olandt as Nathan"

"[To an East Indian pawn shop owner after being revived granitized] Mmm, I like Indian food. So spicy!"

"Tim Colceri as Metal Head"

"John Sanderford as J.D."

"There was an old man of Madras whose balls were made of fine brass. So in stormy weather they both clang together and sparks flew out of his ass."

"[Appears on the TV as a psychic doing a commercial] The signs point to a tragedy about to happen: casino owner dies in a bed of lies."

"Yo man, want me gold?"

"Geoff Meed as Kowalski"

"[The Leprechaun starts singing while bouncing a pogo stick onto the coin seller's chest] This old Lep, he played one / He played pogo on his lung"

"Warwick Davis as The Leprechaun"

"[Leprechaun appears on the TV as a preacher doing a commercial]"

"[On the phone] Yeah, give me hotel security. Yeah, I'd like to report a leprechaun in your hotel. No, a LEPRECHAUN. Yeah, little green guy. HE TRIED TO KILL ME! [Realizes receptionist has hung up] Hello?"

"For pulling this trick, I'll chop off your dick!"

"[Narrating from down in the flaming well] I'll not rest till I have me gold. Curse this well that me soul shall dwell, till I find me magic that breaks me spell."

"Nothing tastes as good as a free pizza. Now if I could only figure out how to get free beer."

"Charlie Heath as Cody"

"Didn't anybody ever tell you not to drink and levitate?"

"Ah... lovely golden palaces completely full of riches. I'll rip 'em off and rob 'em blind, those dirty sons of bitches."

"Miguel A. Núñez Jr. as Sticks (as Miguel A. Nunez Jr.)"

"Mike Cannizzo as Danny (as Michael Cannizzo)"

"Sure, walk away! I understand. If hearing the actual sound of Jayne Mansfield's head being severed from her body is too intense for you, well then, you know, more power to ya."

"I'm not an elf and I'm not a dwarf. I'm a leprechaun."

"[Disguised as Bridgette, laughing hysterically] You lose!"

"[Tory looks for a four leaf clover as the Leprechaun sneaks up to grab her hand] Little girls shouldn't look for four leaf clovers."

"[The Leprechaun manifests a topless Bridget in front of Ian] A vision before you appears to be true. But a leprechaun's magic fools humans like you."

"[Bumps into African-American Leprechaun when entering the men's room] Watch it, nosebleed!"

"A thousand years ago, a man stopped me from taking me bride! I'll not let it happen again!"

"Shevonne Durkin as Bridget/William's Daughter"