""I was on my gazebo, on the roof, making some repairs, and I was struck by lightning...and I've had migraine headaches and blurred vision ever since then but praise the Lord that was my lucky day because ever since then, I've had the healing power. Amen, God bless you. Thank you very much. Good night. Yes? What happened? Yes?"

"I borrowed your toothbrush. I would have used your razor but it looks like you've been doing some gardening with it."

"I believe Louisiana is the Pelican State."

"It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong. I am NOT a big man."

"(narrating) The Reverend Farnsworth was Becky's father, but I wasn't going to hold that against her. If I was going to hold anything against her, it wouldn't be her father."

"They multiply by masturbation."

"(narrating) Figuring out that the guy who dropped my watch in the swamp was the same guy who stole it at the morgue didn't take Sherlock Holmes... Larry Holmes could've figured that one out."

"(narrating) All I needed now was a computer. And a ten year old kid to teach me how to use it."

"Becky was a good girl and didn't need to be spanked... dammit."

"I've been foolishly squandering my salary on food and heat."

"Announcer: Let's welcome our guest healer Mr. Claude Henry Smoot."

"KKK Leader: Folks ain't home. Cross won't burn. Hell, it ain't like it used to be."

"(narrating) Over the years, I found Mr. Underhill's credit card to be a useful tool, much like Underhill himself."

"(narrating) I never liked guns, especially when they're pointed at me."

"Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee Schwartz."

"These walls are deplaning at an alarming rate!"

"You shouldn't wear so much eye shadow. It makes you look cheap."

"Scum! Scum! Scum! Go back to where you're from!"

"(narrating) The morgue proved to be a dead end. But I guess it is for most people."

"(narrating) When I got back, there was a cozy fire in the fireplace...and on the roof, and on the porch. It was great."

"John J. Hooker - Senator Overman"

"Jan Triska - Karl Radek"

"Oleg Kerensky - Alexander Kerensky"

"Roger Sloman - Vladimir Lenin"

"Stuart Richman - Leon Trotsky"

"Gene Hackman - Pete Van Wherry"

"Nancy Duiguid - Jane Heap"

"Kathryn Grody - Crystal Eastman"

"Leigh Curran - Ida Rauh"

"Dolph Sweet - Big Bill Haywood"

"Max Wright - Floyd Dell"

"George Plimpton - Horace Whigham"

"Bessie Love - Mrs. Partlow"

"Ian Wolfe - Mr. Partlow"

"Harry Ditson - Maurice Becker"

"Maureen Stapleton - Emma Goldman"

"Nicolas Coster - Paul Trullinger"

"Paul Sorvino - Louis C. Fraina"

"Jerzy Kosinski - Grigory Zinoviev"