"[sung as Hitler] I was just a paper hanger no one more obscurer. Got a phone call from the Reichstag told me I was Führer. Germany was blue What, oh, what to do? Hitched up my pants and conquered France. Now Deutschland's smiling through! It ain't no mystery if it's politics or history. The thing you've got to know is everything is showbiz!"

"[singing] I see a line of beautiful girls dressed as stormtroopers each one a gem. With leather boots and whips on their hips. It's risque, dare I say, S&M! I see German soldiers dancing through France played by chorus boys in very tight pants. And wait there's more! THEY WIN THE WAR! And the dances they do will be daring and new. Turn turn kick turn, turn turn kick turn, one two three kick turn! Keep it sassy, keep it classy, keep it gay."

"[sung] I'm the German Ethel Merman don't cha know?!"

"I'm supposed to be the Grand Duchess Anastasia, but I think I look more like the Chrysler Building!"

"Carmen,call in a singing Hitler,please."

"And so the rule is, when mounting a... play. Keep it sunny, keep it funny, keep it gay."

"Roger, We're not alone..."

"May I take your hats, your coats, and your Swastikas?"

"[When he answers the door] Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss? Max: I- Carmen Ghia: Ssssssss?"

"Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical director Roger Debris, in an elegant eastside townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Who may I say is calling? [Got angry] Listen, you broken down old queen, he was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky, don't ever call here again! [Roger in other room] Who was that!? Wrong number!"

"If your intention was to shoot an arrow through my heart...Bullseye!"

"Yes darling... Roger."

"[sung] Violinists love to play an E-string, but audiences really love a G-string!"

"Secretary-slash-receptionist? Okie-slash-dokie!"

"Why Bloom go so far camera right?"

"Ulla wake up at five A.M. every day. From five to seven, Ulla like to exercise. From seven to eight, Ulla like to take long shower. From eight to nine, Ulla like to have big Swedish breakfast. Many different herrings. From nine to eleven, Ulla like to practice her singing and her dancing. And at eleven, Ulla like to have sex. ... What time should I get here? (Max and Leo respond synchronicity - "Eleven")"

"Brazilian Samba Performer: [Sung] You'll find your happiness in Rio! The beaches there are strewn with pearls! The latin breezes always blow there! And so, we hear, do the girls!"

"Sing Sing Prison Guard: Gentlemen, you are hereby granted a full pardon for having - through song and dance - brought joy and laughter into the hearts of every murderer, rapist, and sex maniac in Sing Sing! You're free!"

"Stormtrooper "Mel": Don't be stupid, be a smartie. Come and join the Nazi Party."

"Mr. Marks: Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?"

"Stormtrooper "Rolf": I was born in Düsseldorf, and that is why they call me Rolf."

"Nathan Lane - Max Bialystock"

"Matthew Broderick - Leo Bloom"

"Uma Thurman - Ulla"

"Will Ferrell - Franz Liebkind"

"Gary Beach - Roger De Bris"

"Roger Bart - Carmen Ghia"

"Michael McKean - Prison Trustee"

"Eileen Essell - Hold Me-Touch Me"

"David Huddleston - Judge"

"Debra Monk - Lick Me-Bite Me"

"Andrea Martin - Kiss Me-Feel Me"

"[To Leo] Well, you know what they say: "smile and the world smiles with you." [to bust] This man should be in a straightjacket!"

"Jim Borstelmann - Scott the Choreographer, Donald Dinsmore/Little Old Lady"

"Richard Kind - Jury Foreman"

"Mel Brooks - Hilda the Pigeon, Tom the Cat"

"Jon Lovitz - Mr. Marks"

"There's a lot more to you than there is to you! [mouthed] What the fuck?"

"Dear Lord... I want that money!"

"Please make audition - make audition allll over the office."

"[to Ulla] Even though we're sitting down, we're giving you a standing ovation."

"Hold me touch me, where is hold me touch me...Hold me touch me, Hold me touch me... Kiss me feel me, Lick me bite me, Yank me spank me, Suck me fu... ah! Hold me touch me!"

"[reading a play] As Gregor Samsa woke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant cock-a-roach. [speaking] Nah, too good."

"[holding play] Smell it. Touch it. Kiss it. Kiss it! It's the mother lode..."

"I'll send you to the moon Thursday. I may even join you."