Fictional Characters

"I’ll always believe in second chances. I’m too flawed myself not to. Someday the morning will come when I won’t be needed. But until then I have my nights."

"Barbara: Okay, Savant... When you spoke to me in those different languages, your French grammar was spotty, and your Chinese was that of a sporadic tourist — but your Greek was flawless. [to her computer] Insert the following search parameters borders: American, extortion and Athens or surrounding area accent and dialect."

"Many say: I wanted to learn, but here I have found only madness. Yet, should they seek deep wisdom elsewhere, they may not find it."

"Nasruddin, four years ago you were here, and I asked that time also what is your age, and you told me forty years. Now this is absolutely inconsistent – how can you still be forty?" Nasruddin said, "I am a man of consistency. Once forty, I remain forty always. When I have answered once, I have answered forever! You cannot lead me astray. I am forty, and whenever you ask you will get the same answer."

"At dinner time, Nasreddin finds no meat on the table. He asks his wife, "What happened to the meat?" His wife replies, "The cat ate it." Nasreddin breezes into the kitchen, puts the cat on the scales, and discovers the cat to be weighing three pounds. Nasreddin quizzically questions the result, "If the meat I brought home weighed three pounds, then, where is the cat? And, if this happens to be the cat, then what happened to the meat?""

"Mulla, I want to borrow your donkey." "I am sorry," said the Mulla, "but I have already lent it out." As soon as he had spoken, the donkey brayed. The sound came from Nasrudin's stable. "But Mulla, I can hear the donkey, in there!" As he shut the door in the man's face, Nasrudin said, with dignity, "A man who believes the word of a donkey in preference to my word does not deserve to be lent anything."

"Some children saw Nasreddin coming from the vineyard with two baskets full of grapes loaded on his donkey. They gathered around him and asked him to give them a taste. Nasreddin picked up a bunch of grapes and gave each child a grape. "You have so much, but you gave us so little," the children whined. "There is no difference whether you have a basketful or a small piece. They all taste the same," Nasreddin answered, and continued on his way,"

"One of the neighbors found Nasreddin scattering crumbs all around his house. "Why are you doing that?" he asked. "I'm keeping the tigers away," replied Nasreddin. "But there aren't any tigers around here," said the neighbor. "That's right," said Nasreddin. "You see how well it works?""

"Knowledge is like the carrot, few know by looking at the green top that the best part, the orange part, is there. Like the carrot, if you don't work for it, it will wither away and rot. And finally, like the carrot, there are a great many donkeys and jackasses that are associated with it."

"Once Nasreddin was invited to deliver a sermon. When he got on the pulpit, he asked, Do you know what I am going to say? The audience replied "no", so he announced, I have no desire to speak to people who don't even know what I will be talking about! and left. The people felt embarrassed and called him back again the next day. This time, when he asked the same question, the people replied yes. So Nasreddin said, Well, since you already know what I am going to say, I won't waste any more of your time! and left. Now the people were really perplexed. They decided to try one more time and once again invited the Mulla to speak the following week. Once again he asked the same question – Do you know what I am going to say? Now the people were prepared and so half of them answered "yes" while the other half replied "no". So Nasreddin said Let the half who know what I am going to say, tell it to the half who don't, and left."

"Mulla had lost his ring in the living room. He searched for it for a while, but since he could not find it, he went out into the yard and began to look there. His wife, who saw what he was doing, asked: “Mulla, you lost your ring in the room, why are you looking for it in the yard?” Mulla stroked his beard and said: “The room is too dark and I can’t see very well. I came out to the courtyard to look for my ring because there is much more light out here.”"

"He was deeply impressed by the eloquence of the plaintiff, and after hearing his evidence he exclaimed, "I believe you are right!" The clerk of the court explained that he should make no such comment until he had heard the case for the defence. Having done so, Nasruddin cried out, "I believe you are right!" "But they can't both be right," expostulated the clerk. "I believe you are right," said the Mulla."

"A man called, wanting to borrow a rope. "You cannot have it," said Nasrudin. "Why not?" "Because it is in use." "But I can see it just lying there, on the ground." "That's right: that's its use.""

"[Nasreddin Hoca is being shaved by an inexperienced barber.] "One moment, Sir!" said the barber, and he stuck a bit of cotton on the wound. In the next pass of the razor, another bit of the Hoca's cheek went with it. "One moment, sir!" and he stuck a bit of cotton on the second wound. With each stroke of the razor, another bit of cotton joined the crop sprouting on the Hoca's left cheek. "Now," said the barber, "I'll do the other side." "One moment, young man!" said the Hoca as he studied the bits of cotton that dotted his left cheek. "Stop right there! I believe I'll plant wheat on the other side.""

"Nasrudin used to take a donkey across a frontier every day, with the panniers loaded with straw. Since he admitted to being a smuggler when he trudged home every night, the frontier guards searched him again and again. They searched his person, staffed the straw, steeped it in water, even burned it from time to time. [...] One of the customs officers met him years later. "You can tell me now, Nasrudin," he said. "Whatever was it that you were smuggling, when we could never catch you out?" "Donkeys," said Nasrudin."

"Nesretten Hoca's Wife: In our society, they treat us as if women have no names of their own—you are always so-and-so's wife. I mentioned this to my husband once—and, believe me, I didn't do it to blame or scold anyone. He was deeply touched and saddened. He said to me: "You are right, my dear wife. From now on, whenever they ask me what my name is, I'll say 'I'm the husband of the wife of Nasrettin Hoca.' ""

"I can see in the dark." "That may be so, Mulla. But if it is true, why do you sometimes carry a candle at night?" "To prevent other people from bumping into me."

"Well, Nasreddin. I know you lose your only donkey. Life may be difficult without it. But, don't be too sad brother," the man tried to cheer him up. "Do I look sad?" "Yes, you look very sad. You looked much sadder than you did when your wife died." [...] "At that time you all tried to cheer me up by saying 'Don't be too sad, my brother Nasreddin. We'll get you a new wife.' But now you see, nobody offers me a donkey to replace my lost one."

"Mulla, Mulla, my son has written from the Abode of Learning to say that he has completely finished his studies!" "Console yourself, madam, with the thought that God will no doubt send him more."

"[Nasreddin had to don his finest clothes in order to be admitted to a fancy dinner party.] He reached over, took a piece of meat and stuffed it in his shirt. He poked the next piece into his cummerbund. Then he jammed one into each pocket of his pants. All eyes were on Nasreddin as he gathered the long sleeves of his cloak and soaked them in the bowl of hot gravy. A stunned guest jumped to his feet and demanded, Effendi! [Sir!] What is the meaning of your outrageous behavior?" "Well," said Nasreddin Odjah, "when you find yourself in a place where clothes are more welcome than the person wearing them, you must feed the clothes first and the person afterward!""

"Nasreddin Khodja commanded his disciples, when he sneezed, to salute him by clapping their hands and crying out: "Haïr Ollah, Khodja," that is "Prosperity to thee, O Master!" Now it came to pass that on one of the days the bucket fell into the well [...] he descended, caught the bucket, and the boys were already pulling him up, when, just as he was drawing near the edge of the well, he chanced to sneeze. Whereupon they, mindful of the master's behest, let go the rope and, clapping their hands in high glee, cried out in chorus: "Haïr Ollah, Khodja," Nasreddin was precipitated violently into the well, bruising himself against the sides. [...] "Well, boys, it was not your fault, but mine: too much honour is no good thing for man.""

"Nasrudin, your donkey has been lost." "Thank goodness I was not on the donkey at the time, or I would be lost too."

"Nasrudin walked into a house and exclaimed, "The moon is more useful than the sun." "Why?" he was asked. "Because at night we need the light more.""

"I'm not scared of hell. It's just heaven for bad people."

"Go to the city. Find somebody important. Tell them I'm back. Tell them I know what they did, and I'm on my way. And if they ask you who I am, tell them "I came the long way around." You can probably still hear me. So just between ourselves, you got the prophecy wrong. The hybrid is not half-Dalek- nothing is half-Dalek, the Daleks would never allow that. The hybrid destined to conquer Gallifrey and stand in its ruins... is me."

"Grant: Who're you thanking? Doctor: The universe. There's somebody worse at this than me."

"How long can I keep doing this, Clara? Burning the old me to make a new one?"

"He's this sort of harborer of good and fun and madness, and he's the cleverest man in the universe — and the silliest man in the universe."

"Never trust a hug. It's just a way to hide your face."

"This extraordinary character who is everything at all times. It's continuously inspiring really, to get to play this mercurial, anarchic, extraordinary creature who gets all the best lines and gets to be the cleverest person in the room. I'm sure I'll miss lots about it, but I'll forever be proud to have been part of it, to be part of that history."

"There's no such this as 'the Doctor.' I'm just a bloke in a box, telling stories. And I didn't come here because I'm ashamed- bit of shame never hurt anyone. I came because you're sick and you asked. And because sometimes, on a good day, if I try very hard, I'm not some old Time Lord who ran away. I'm the Doctor."

"There's only one person in the universe who would know, straight away! One person who could help us! And where is he whenever you need him?"

"Humans can be monsterous enough to commit genocide. What of gods? It's not difficult to perceive the practically immortal, time and space-traveling Doctor as god-like. His superior vantage point and detachment allow him to make horrible calculations, sometimes sacrificing individuals for the greater good. He sees space-time in a way that's beyond human comprehension, understanding the sweep of history as from the point of view of a being that's outside both space and time, and yet who can intervene in and manipulate them. For all his genuine attachment to his various human (mortal) companions, he's ultimately a lonely being, a perpetual traveler, an observer to whom individual human and similar beings, with their limited life spans and understandings, must seem puny and ant-like."

"I am not a good man. And I'm not a bad man. I am not a hero, and I'm definitely not a president. And no, I'm not an officer. Do you know what I am? I am an idiot! With a box and a screwdriver, just passing through, helping out, learning. I don't need an army, I never have. Because I've got them. Always them! Because love is not an emotion. Love is a promise."

"So there's this man; he has a time machine. Up and down history he goes, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, getting into scrapes. Another thing he has is a passion for the works of Ludwig van Beethoven, and one day he thinks, "what's the point of having a time machine if you don't get to meet your heroes." So, off he goes to 18th century Germany, but he can't find Beethoven anywhere. No one's heard of him, not even his family have any idea who the time traveller is talking about. Beethoven literally doesn't exist. This didn't happen by the way. I've met Beethoven, nice chap, very intense, loved an arm wrestle. No, this is called "the Bootstrap Paradox." Google it. The time traveller panics. He can't bear the thought of a world without the music of Beethoven. Luckily, he brought all of his Beethoven sheet music for Ludwig to sign. So he copies out all the concertos and the symphonies, and he gets them published. He becomes Beethoven, and history continues with barely a feather ruffled. Now my question is this: who put those notes and phrases together? Who really composed Beethoven's 5th?"

"Clara Oswald: You told me the name you chose was a promise. What was the promise?"

"A lot of our heroes depress me. But you know, when they made this particular hero, they didn't give him a gun, they gave him a screwdriver to fix things. They didn't give him a tank or a warship or an X-wing fighter, they gave him a call box from which you can call for help. And they didn't give him a superpower or pointy ears or a heat ray...they gave him two hearts. And that's an extraordinary thing. There will never come a time when we don't need a hero like the Doctor."

"You've been asking a question, and it's time someone told you you've been getting it wrong. His name... His name is the Doctor. All the name he needs. Everything you need to know about him."

"Some years ago, you travelled far and wide. And oh, the things you have seen! There was a man, a very special man. No, no, let me think. It wasn't a romance, no, it was something much, much more than that. He taught you so much. There was laughter and adventure, and you prayed that your time with him would never, ever end. But then suddenly he left you. The man was lonely. A scientist? No, a doctor. The Doctor. Am I right?"

"You make them so afraid. When you began, all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you’d become this? The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name? Doctor – the word for healer, and wise man, throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean? To the people of the Gamma Forests, the word "doctor" means "mighty warrior". How far you’ve come. And now they’ve taken a child. The child of your best friends. And they’re going to turn her into a weapon, just to bring you down. And all this, my love...in fear of you."

"The sky is full of a million million voices saying, "Yes, of course we'll help." You've touched so many lives, saved so many people...did you think when your time came, you'd really have to do more than just ask? You've decided that the universe is better off without you — But the universe doesn't agree."

"First there were the Daleks...And then there was a man who fought them. And then, in time — he died. There are a few, of course, who believe that this man somehow survived, and that one day he will return. For both our sakes, dearest Hannah, we must hope these stories are true."

"One day you meet the Doctor. And of course, it’s the best day ever. It’s just the best day of your life. Because...because, he’s brilliant, and he’s funny, and mad, and best of all...really needs you. The trick is – don’t fall in love. I do that trick quite a lot, sometimes twice a day. And once you start running, you start to forget; slowly, after a while, you just stopping asking. Who are you? Where are you from? What set you on your way and where are you going? Oh...and what is your name? You get used to not knowing. I thought I never would. I was wrong. I know who he is. I know how he began and I know where he’s going. I learnt the truth about the Doctor and his greatest secret the day we went to Trenzalore."

"When I was a little girl I had an imaginary friend, and when I grew up, he came back. He's called the Doctor. He comes from somewhere else. He's got a box called the TARDIS that's bigger on the inside and can travel anywhere in time and space. I ran away with him. And we've been running ever since."

"He is The Doctor. He has walked the universe for centuries untold. He has seen stars fall to dust. You might as well flirt with a mountain range."

"Winning is all about looking happier than the other guy."

"Even my incredibly long life is too short for Les Miserables."

"Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?"

"Pain is a gift. Without the capacity for pain, we can't feel the hurt we inflict."

"I hate good wizards in fairy tales; they always turn out to be him."