"After that it got pretty late, and, we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I realized what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her, and I thought of that old joke. You know, this guy goes to his psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And the doctor says, "Well why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships– you know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, but, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs."

"A relationship, I think, is like a shark. It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark."

"You know, even as a kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think that's my problem. When my mother took me to see Snow White, everyone fell in love with Snow White. I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen."

"I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. When I was thrown out, my mother, who was an emotionally high-strung woman, locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mah-Jongg tiles. I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis. I was suicidal as a matter of fact and would have killed myself; but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian, and if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss."

"[voiceover] My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood memories, but I swear, I was brought up underneath the roller coaster in the Coney Island section of Brooklyn. Maybe that accounts for my personality, which is a little nervous, I think. You know, I have a hyperactive imagination. My mind tends to jump around a little, and uh I I I have some trouble between fantasy and reality. My father ran the bumper car concession. Th-there he is, and there I am. Right. I I used to get my aggression out through those cars all the time. I remember the staff at our public school. You know, we had a saying, uh but, "Those who can't do, teach, and those who can't teach, teach gym." And uh, of course, those who couldn't do anything, I think, were assigned to our school. I must say, I always thought my schoolmates were idiots. Melvyn Greenglass, you know, his fat little face and Henrietta Farrell, just Miss Perfect all the time and uh Ivan Ackerman, always the wrong answer. Always."

"There's an old joke: two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly. The the other joke important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious. And it goes like this, I'm paraphrasing: Um, I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member. That's the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with women. You know, lately, the strangest things have been going through my mind, 'cause I turned 40, and I guess I'm going through a life crisis or something, I dunno, and I'm not worried about aging, I'm not one of those characters, you know I, well I'm balding slightly on top, that's about the worst you can say about me. I um I think I'm gonna get better as I get older. You know, I think I'm gonna be the balding virile type, you know, as opposed to say, the um distinguished gray, for instance, you know, unless I'm neither of those two. Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism. Annie and I broke up, and I still can't get my mind around that, you know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind and and examining my life and trying to figure out where did the screw up come, you know, and mm a year ago, we were in love, you know, and and and I just, and it's funny, I'm not a I'm not a morose type. I'm not a depressive character, you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess, I was brought up in Brooklyn during World War II."

"[accent changing rapidly from plummy English to Cockney] A plague on you. A plague on the whole stinking lot of ya, without morals or laws. And all you whores got no laws. You got no honor. It's no wonder you all emigrated to America, because they wouldn't have you in England. You're a lot of savages, that's what you all are. A bunch of bloody savages. A plague on you. I'll be back."

"[discussing the assassination of President Garfield] If you were to try to assassinate a king, sir, the — how shall I say it? — the aura of royalty would cause you to miss. But, a president— [chuckles] I mean, why not shoot a president?"

"Now Ned, them whores are going to tell different lies than you. And when their lies ain't the same as your lies— Well, I ain't gonna hurt no woman. But I'm gonna hurt you. And not gentle like before, but bad!"

"I suppose you know, Bob, if I ever see you again I'm just going to start shooting and figure it was self-defense."

"I guess you think I'm kicking you, Bob. But it ain't so. What I'm doing is talking. You hear? I'm talking to all those goons down there in Kansas. I'm talking to all those villains in Missouri and all those villains down there in Cheyenne. I'm telling 'em there ain't no whores' gold! Even if there was, well, they wouldn't want to come looking for it anyhow!"

"[to English Bob] You been talking about the queen again? [punches him] On Independence Day?"

"You better bury Ned right! Better not cut up nor otherwise harm no whores, or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches."

"All right now, I'm comin' out. Any man I see out there, I'm gonna kill him. Any son of a bitch that takes a shot at me, I'm not only gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill his wife, all his friends, burn his damn house down!"

"Frances Fisher - Strawberry Alice"

"Saul Rubinek - W.W. Beauchamp"

"Jaimz Woolvett - The Schofield Kid"

"Richard Harris - English Bob"

"Morgan Freeman - Ned Logan"

"Gene Hackman - Little Bill Daggett"

"Alice Leavasseaur - Penny Munny"

"Shane Meier - Willam Munny Jr."

"Clint Eastwood - William Munny"

"Strawberry Alice: Just because we let them smelly fools ride us like horses don't mean we gotta let 'em brand us like horses. Maybe we ain't nothing but whores but we, by god, we ain't horses."

"Skinny Dubois: You know how women lie."

"Clyde: [about the house the Sheriff's building] You know, he don't have a straight angle in that whole god-damned porch, or the whole house for that matter. He is the worst damn carpenter."

"Richard Edson - Sal"

"John C. McGinley - Sgt. Red O'Neill"

"Francesco Quinn - Rhah"

"Forest Whitaker - Big Harold"

"Willem Dafoe - Sgt. Elias"

"Tom Berenger - Sgt. Barnes"

"Charlie Sheen - Chris Taylor"

"You talking about killing? Hmm? Y'all experts? Y'all know about killing? I'd like to hear about it, potheads. [takes pipe and sniffs] Are you smoking this shit so's to escape from reality? Me, I don't need this shit. I am reality. There's the way it ought to be, and there's the way it is. Elias was full of shit. Elias was a crusader. Now, I got no fight... with any man who does what he's told. But when he don't, the machine breaks down. And when the machine breaks down, we break down. And I ain't gonna allow that...in any of you. Not one. [hands pipe back and spits] Y'all love Elias. Oh, you wanna kick ass. Yeah. Well, here I am, all by my lonesome. And there ain't nobody gonna know. Six of you boys against me. Kill me. [pause] Huh. I shit on all of you."

"[pointing to a dead soldier] You all take a good look at this lump of shit. Remember what it looks like. You fuck up in a firefight and I goddamn guarantee you a trip out of the bush, in a body bag! Out here, assholes, you keep your shit wired tight at all times! [turns to Taylor] And that goes for you, shit-for-brains. You don't sleep on no fuckin' ambush! [turns to Junior] And the next sum'bitch I catch coppin' Z's in the bush, I'm personally gonna take an interest in seein' him suffer. I shit you not. Doc, tag him and bag him!"

"[to a wounded soldier] Shut up! Shut up, and take the pain! TAKE THE PAIN!"