"it is absolutely a full time job, dealing with this Shit. i'm talking True full time, 24 hours. Listening to the perverts scream at me in the instant dm box while I'm trying to cobble together a coherent post. Standing on thje median strip at a busy intersection, next to the guy with a 20% off mattress sign, failing to shill copies of my Horrible book. Waking up screaming from Night terrors involving complete strangers accusing me of "Selling OUt." There is no clocking out. The clock is a part of me, it's always inside of me, and I'm fucked."

"thinking about a "Cock Ring" for the neck that strangles all the blood into your brain and gives you what is essentially a mental erection"

"guys who get off on being humiliated used to expose themselves at the grocery store or something. now they pretend to be journalists on here"

"Twitter, as I understand it, is a sort of "Hell" that I was banished to upon death in my previous life. In this abstract realm, the only thing I am certain of is that my cries are awarded "Favs" or "RTs" when they are particularly miserable or profane. These ethereal merits do nothing to ease my suffering, but I have deliriously convinced myself that gathering enough of them will impress my unseen superiors and grant me a promotion to a higher plane of existence. This is my sole motivation."

"My posts are the bible. My brain is the bible. The books I'm releasing are bibles. It's all bible, baby"

"" You know Gru been Fucking those minions " No , i don't know that. But thanks for showing your ignorance."

"i think it would be fucking stupid to be a fat ass caterpillar and have your entire body be made out of weak points"

"the last time i stopped jacking off for 1 week I went insane and wrote the movie The God Father"

"who cares. pick up a foot ball"

"im little jesica. im dying because of obamas help care bill. im on my death bed and the doctor is ignoring me because my dady works hard"

"(hearing about a guy who died) wow thats like 0.0003 9/11s"

"born to be bull shit"

"You may have heard of a character from the batman movies, called the Joker. The joker just lives a normal life like you or me, going to the grocery store, and the office or what have you. But WHen the joker puts his mask on, he becomes the joker, and he mercilessly goes out there and gets Paid. Thats what I try to do in my life and the way I live life, and I do do it every day, and it is the essence of understanding my pain."

"i just need to say, to anyone reading this.. You are Important, You are loved, and You belong in this world, if you have over 5000 followers"

"go ahead. keep screaming "Shut The Fuck Up " at me. it only makes my opinions Worse"

"the worst part of nationalism is having to pretend the flag is really good, like "yeah the country looks exactly like that. they nailed it""

"i regret to inform you, that by resorting to Swear language, you have forfeit this debate. Farewell my bitch"

"if you drop a chicken cutlet on the floor it absorbs all kinds of dirt & particles that make it undesirable. Thats sort of how AI works"

"VERIFY!! VERIFIY THIS ACCOUNT! THE TROLLS ARE BREAKING IN THROUGH THE WINDOWS!! I NEED THE CHECK MARK !! NOW!! NOW!! NOW!!"

"my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat"

"shitting on a Towel"

"im not going to post about taking shits or shitting anymore . i Condemn all of my previous posts about shitting and asses"

""Is Wario A Libertarian" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,"

""The Godfather: Part Iraq" (2004) In this 4th installment of the Godfather series, the godfathers head to iraq to settle the score, of 9/11."

"how do i get cowboy paint off a dog ."

"Im the only man here who injects himself with a CIA Grade Truth Serum before each and every post i make. Remember only that"

"just found out about Object Permanence... why didnt any one tell me about this shit"

"fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this"

"Welcome to the citadel of eternal wisdom. Behold, this crystal contains the sum of all human knowledge -- Except Rap And Country"

"theres a popular nursery rhyme in which the singer claims to be a teapot. this, for many children, is their first experience with "Trolling""

"the entire time youre watching the movie 101 Dalmatians, youre just thinking, This is so many more dalmations than usual. It is just fucked"

"if you ask me many of Americans have been wearing the mask even before from covid 19. the mask i refer to is of course the clown's mask."

"'im not owned! im not owned!!', i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob"

"icant come to work today.. on account of JERRY DUTY *SHoves every seinfeld disk into dvd player at once*"

"one thing the gamer world is certainly agreeing of, is that halo infinite is sure to be the highest numbered halo game yet"

"i would take so many bribes if i was a judge. half my shit would be bribes. take bribes from the criminals until theyre too poor to do crime"

"CHIEF: dracula is in our sights. Take the shot! SNIPER: I can't, Sir. I'm Woke! ME (watching through binoculars): He's woke! He wont do it!"

"love when i lose aobut 100 followers immediately after making a beautiful post. the weak shriveling up into dust. Thats called darwin"

"IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL"

"many claim to have seen me walking around the Las Vegas strip with a Device attached to my penis. This is untrue #NoDevice"

"no heaven or hell when you die, everyone is just herded into a room with a big scoreboard saying which person blasted the most Cum"

"i often disagree with DigimonOtis, but his efforts to keep Sharia Law out of the donkey kong 64 wiki are much needed in this wolrd of danger"

"for like 8 months i thought covid was one of those joke diseases where you ask "what's covid" and the other guy tells tou to suck his nuts"

"im afraid i must say that i do not find the mysteries featured on "scooby-doo" challenging enough ."

"Having a bad one; First my Lockheed Martin investment tanks after the ceo posts his penis. Now Cold stone Creamery just called me the N-Word"