"From the peeling wastes east of Al-Zarqa, there cam a faint but persistant cry, a cray to dam the flood tides of semen, to leash the sperm packs running wild in the sheets, to zonk the zygotic zillions and mitigate the multitudinous milt, to garrote the gullible glorification of gamete, forsake the foolish fidelity to fecundity, and wrest free from a woman's shoulders the boa of spermatozoa that the Church had draped there like a weighty shawl and that pulled her ever downward into sickness and servitude, while at her skirts her too-many children went hungry, went bad, or just went."

"It's hard to say who's a greater threat to the world, an ambitious CEO with a big ad budget or a crafty cleric with an obsolete Bible verse."

"I've sucked way too much cement for this year. Bad juju rising off them city sidewalks. I need to babble with a brook or two, inhale starlight, make friends with some trees."

"My faith is whatever makes me feel good about being alive. If your religion doesn't make you feel good to be alive, what the hell is the point of it?"

"Solace? That's why God made fermented beverages and the blues."

"People of zee wurl, RELAX!"

"The world’s showing signs of waking up from its linear trance, its dangerously restrictive sense of itself as a historic vehicle chuffing down a one-way street toward some preordained apocalyptic goal."

"The more advertising I see, the less I want to buy."

"He was in a drug-induced neurologically based state of blissful benevolence, a state in which ego softened, fear dissolved and trust expanded."

"All pets eventually become anthropomorphically neurotic."

"The unadorned truth is, adolescent girls are horny as jackrabbits. It's not their fault, nature designed it that way. For the protection of the species. And there's nothing politics or religion can do to alter that physical reality, short of drugging the girls with medical depressants, or siphoning off their hormones with rubber tubes. Because modern society is by nature unnatural, we're in a state of absolute denial over it. Absolute denial. That our daughters, granddaughters, nieces and little sisters might be highly charged sexual dynamos makes us so uncomfortable, so queasy, that we, men and women both, have to lie to ourselves and pretend it doesn't exist."

"I can't imagine your complaint, sir. You trespassed in my home and placed a nasty welt on the skull of a dear friend. I would be well within my rights to shoot you right now and leave you to rot in the woods."

"Robert: Who is that? What… happened? Sir Leigh: You were rescued by a knight brandishing an Excalibur made by Acme Orthopaedic."

"Silas: Stand up slowly, and give it to me. Sir Leigh: Standing is difficult for me. Silas: Precisely. I would prefer nobody attempt any quick moves."

"In my experience, men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire."

"Robert: The keystone is well hidden. Sir Leigh: Extremely well hidden, I hope! Robert: Actually, that depends on how often you dust under your couch."

"[H]istory is always written by the winners. When two cultures clash, the loser is obliterated, and the winner writes the history books—books which glorify their own cause and disparage the conquered foe. As Napoleon once said, "What is history, but a fable agreed upon?" By its very nature, history is always a one-sided account."

"Sir Leigh: [to Robert and Sophie] Sometimes I wonder who is serving whom? Sir Leigh: [over the intercom to Rémy] I'll be right there, Remy. Can I bring you anything when I come? Rémy: Only freedom from oppression, sir."

"The museum as mortuary, as site of death and entombment, starred in Dan Brown's best-selling Da Vinci Code. Yet the word most commonly linked with museums is 'boring'. Modern Londoners are said to see the as 'dusty, irrelevant and dull, … the place of boring school trips'. It is also stupefying in its immensity. 'Teenagers looking for ancient artefacts have to face an expedition almost as fraught as Indiana Jones's adventures in the Temple of Doom'. In New York's , a fleet-footed guide promises to deliver the top dozen masterpieces in under an hour. The champion of 'the six-minute Louvre' sprints past the ', the ', the ', exulting that 'there isn't a museum in the world that can keep me inside for very long'."

"The only difference between The Da Vinci Code and the gospels is that the gospels are ancient fiction while The Da Vinci Code is modern fiction."

"We were apparently rather resistant to the idea of destroying witches in England, unlike views espoused in so-called books — and I use the word "book" very loosely — like The Da Vinci Code. [pretends to spit in disgust] It is complete loose stool water. It is arse-gravy of the worst kind."

"The blind see what they want to see."

"On the verge of unveiling one of history’s greatest secrets, and he troubles himself with a woman who has proven herself unworthy of the quest."

"Robert: Leigh, you lie entirely too well. Sir Leigh: Oxford Theatre Club. They still talk of my Julius Caesar. I'm certain nobody has ever performed the first scene of Act Three with more dedication. Robert: I thought Caesar was dead in that scene. Sir Leigh: Yes, but my toga tore open when I fell, and I had to lie on stage for half an hour with my todger hanging out. Even so, I never moved a muscle. I was brilliant, I tell you."

"Chief inspector: I am here at the orders of the French Judicial Police. They claim you are transporting fugitives from the law on this plane. Sir Leigh: Is this one of those hidden camera programmes? Jolly good! Chief inspector: This is serious, sir. The French police claim that you also may have a hostage onboard. Rémy: I feel like a hostage working for Sir Leigh, but he assures me that I am free to go. … Sir Leigh: Inspector, I'm afraid I don't have time to indulge in your games. I'm late, and I'm leaving. If it is important for you to stop me, then you'll just have to shoot me. Chief inspector: Stop! I will fire! Sir Leigh: Go ahead. My lawyers will fricassee your testicles for breakfast. And if you dare board my plane without a warrant, your spleen will follow."

"Simon Edwards: I'm afraid your arrival has taken us a bit off guard, sir. Sir Leigh: I know. I'm off my schedule, I am. Between you and me, the new medication gives me the tinkles. Thought I'd come over for a tune-up."

"Sophie: Leigh, I was serious about the French police finding your plane before we return. Sir Leigh: Yes, imagine their surprise if they board and find Rémy. Sophie: Leigh, you transported a bound hostage across international borders. This is serious. Sir Leigh: So are my lawyers. Robert: But you tied [Silas] up and flew him to London! Sir Leigh: "Your honour, forgive an eccentric old knight his foolish prejudice for the British court system. I realize I should have called the French authorities, but I'm a snob and I do not trust those laissez-faire French to prosecute properly. This man almost murdered me. Yes, I made a rash decision forcing my manservant to help me bring him to England, but I was under great stress. Mea culpa. Mea culpa." Robert: Coming from you, Leigh, that just might fly."

"Get a transport up here. I'm going to London. And get me the Kent local police. Not British MI5. Kent local. Tell them I want Teabing's plane to be permitted to land. Then I want it surrounded on the tarmac. Nobody deplanes until I get there."

"Pilot: Sir, my humble apologies, but my diplomatic flight allowance provides only for you and your manservant. I cannot take your guests. Sir Leigh: Richard, two thousand pounds sterling and that loaded gun say you can take my guests. And that unfortunate fellow in the back."

"Operator: Will you accept charges for a collect call from Robert Langdon? Jonas: Uh… sure, okay. Robert: Jonas? Jonas: Robert? You wake me up and you charge me for it?"

"Fortunately for you, we British judge man’s civility not by his compassion for his friends, but by his compassion for his enemies."

"I thought Constantine was a Christian."

"Those who seek the truth are more than friends. They are brothers."

"Nobody is more indoctrinated than the indoctrinator."

"We're on a Grail quest, Sophie. Who better to help us than a knight?"

"Flaws in the system will now become more severe."

"Inevitably, underlying instabilities begin to appear."

"Details emerge more clearly as the fractal curve is re-drawn."

"With subsequent drawings of the fractal curve, sudden changes may appear."

"At the earliest drawings of the fractal curve, few clues to the underlying mathematical structure will be seen."

"I believe my life has value, and I don't want to waste it thinking about clothing. I don't want to think about what I will wear in the morning. Truly, can you imagine anything more boring than fashion? Professional sports, perhaps. Grown men swatting little balls, while the rest of the world pays money to applaud. But, on the whole, I find fashion even more tedious than sports."

"There is a problem with that island. It is an accident waiting to happen."

"The reason I ask," Malcolm said, "is that I'm told large predators such as lions and tigers are not born man-eaters. Isn't that true? These animals must learn somewhere along the way that human beings are easy to kill. Only afterward do they become man-killers."

"But we have soothed ourselves into imagining sudden change as something that happens outside the normal order of things. An accident, like a car crash. Or beyond our control, like a fatal illness. We do not conceive of sudden, radical, irrational change as built into the very fabric of existence. Yet it is."

"Broadly speaking, the ability of the park is to control the spread of life forms. Because the history of evolution is that life escapes all barriers. Life breaks free. Life expands to new territories. Painfully, perhaps even dangerously. But life finds a way." Malcolm shook his head. "I don't mean to be philosophical, but there it is."

"Discovery is always a rape of the natural world. Always."

"Let's be clear. The planet is not in jeopardy. We are in jeopardy. We haven't got the power to destroy the planet - or to save it. But we might have the power to save ourselves."