"Inspector Shrink: Pleasure – the inevitable byproduct of our civilization. A new world – the only preoccupation will be: how to amuse itself. The tragedy of your time, my young friends, is that you may get exactly what you want."

"Interviewee: Are you telling me that you don't see the connection between government and laughing at people?"

"Mrs. Ace: Changing your image, darling? While you're at it, why don't you have them write you some talent."

"Boys, don't never, but never, make fun of no cripples."

"Play Man: Somebody come up and giggle at ya, that's a violation of your civil rights."

"We were speaking of belief. Beliefs and conditioning. Whole belief possibly could be said to be the result of some conditioning. Thus, the study of history is simply the study of one system of beliefs deposing another, and so on and so on and so on. A psychologically tested belief of our time is that the central nervous system, which feeds its impulses directly to the brain: the conscious and subconscious, is unable to discern between the real and the vividly imagined experience. If there is a difference, and most of us believe there is, am I being clear? For to examine these concepts requires tremendous energy and discipline. To experience the now... without preconception or belief. To allow the unknown to occur and to occur requires clarity. But where there is clarity, there is no choice. And where there is choice, there is misery. But then, why should anyone listen to me? Why should I speak? Since I know nothing!"

"Bearded Man: Skunk bait. That's what the world is full of; that's what it's based on. That's what this economy is based on."

"[choosing Sonny Liston to box against] Great, I'll have a go at him. You won't hurt my face, will ya? Million dollar head, this."

"Peter Tork - Peter"

"Hey, hey, we are The Monkees; We've said it all before; The money's in, we're made of tin; we're here to give you more; The money's in, we're made of tin, we're here to give you..."

"Well, let me tell you one thing son. Nobody ever lends money to a man with a sense of humor."

"Okay. You think they call us plastic now, babe, but wait 'til I get through telling them how we do it."

"Anyway, the idea is this: byproducts. Imagine Italians. Blonde wigs for kids! Swords! The whole phallic thing is happening! I mean, why don't we use CLASSIC things? MILLIONS! I'm telling you, MILLIONS!"

"'Atta boy, Mike. 'Atta boy. 'Atta boy, Mike. 'Atta boy, Mike."

"Robert Phillips - Corporal Carl Morgan"

"Clint Walker - Samson Posey (number 1: death by hanging)"

"Telly Savalas - Archer J. Maggott (number 8: death by hanging)"

"Ben Carruthers - S. Glenn Gilpin (number 4: 30 years' hard labor)"

"Robert Ryan - Colonel Everett Dasher Breed"

"Ralph Meeker - Captain Stuart Kinder"

"Stuart Cooper - Roscoe Lever (number 5: 20 years' imprisonment)"

"Colin Maitland - Seth K. Sawyer (number 7: 20 years' hard labor)"

"Ernest Borgnine - Major Gen. Sam Worden"

"Lee Marvin - Major John Reisman"