The Order of the Stick

"Vaarsuvius: (Upon witnessing a fat dragon fly on tiny wings) I should avoid casting any spells tonight, if only to give the laws of physics time to cry alone in the corner."

"Tarquin: But you can't make an omelette without ruthlessly crushing dozens of eggs beneath your steel boot and then publicly disemboweling the chickens that laid them as a warning to others."

"Tarquin: In fact, I have a few duplicate magic items that may help you. Do you have a Ring of Regeneration yet? I never leave home without mine."

"Elan: But in the end--"

"Tarquin: My name will be immortalized forever."

"Malack: --so then I said, "I don't care that you were late, Acolyte Prilak, I'm not going to repeat the conversation we all just had.""

"Vaarsuvius: The chance of Elan succeeding at any given task is directly proportionate to how much effort he is expending on achieving its inverse."

"Kil-Kil: I don't mean to alarm you, General, but I think that halfling is force-feeding another man's intestines to one of our guards."

"Kil-Kil: I calculate that the empire turned a total profit of 66,435 gp on their capture."

"Vaarsuvius: I may be in error, but I believe the appropriate proclamation is "Sneak Attack, bitch.""

"Vaarsuvius: Welcome, however temporarily, to the Order of the Stick, Mr. Yukyuk. Continue this ratio of effectiveness-to-chatter, and I shall see if I cannot open up a position in our Short Dual-Wielding Murderer department. What say you to that?"

"Redcloak: Normally, this sort of display is more my colleague's bailiwick..."

"Guard: How long do you think you'll be staying in the city?"

"Elan: Hi, Haley. Look, I found all these free swords. They were in my spleen."

"Roy: "Why did you think we were here?" [in this dungeon]"

"Eugene Greenhilt: Hey, that deal was very clear: 'Til death do us part. Once I shuffle off the mortal coil, I'm free to play the field."

"Belkar Bitterleaf: I have an idea. It starts with "s" and ends with "litting their throats.""

"Xykon the Lich: I need you to Speak with Dead."

"Vaarsuvius: Now if you don't mind, I am somewhat preoccupied telling the laws of physics to shut up and sit down."

"Xykon: Y'know, I've destroyed entire towns, and the most I got from the surviving families were a few snarky comments. You, sir, have a serious problem with overreaction."

"Elan: It's true what they say: "Hard work may pay off in the long run, but laziness always pays off right now!""

"Belkar: Tell me, is being a complete and utter moron a prerequisite for the class, or a side effect of taking a level?"

"Roy: I dream of the day when I will learn to stop asking questions to which I will regret learning the answers."

"Xykon: Sacrificing minions: is there any problem it CAN'T solve?"

"Xykon: I think I just had an evilgasm."

"Belkar: Well, as usual, if falls to Yours Truly to save the day by serving someone a heapin' helping of Mama Bitterleaf's secret family recipe for their own steaming entrails on a platter."

"Belkar: It's like the old song says: If I can kill it here, I can kill it anywhere."

"Miko: By the Twelve Gods! I had no idea your carts were filled with filthy lucre!"

"Miko: The proper term is "smite evil", not "bump uglies.""