Francesca Carrara

"Let a fortunate man do what he will for his own fate, he nevertheless works the most for the benefit of others."

"One proof of a great man is fitness for the circumstances in which he is placed. That talent may reasonably be doubted which is never exercised; …"

"We cannot understand what we have never experienced ; and we need pain, were it only to teach us sympathy."

"Now it is not in human nature — at least in feminine nature — to see pretty things, yet not wish for them ; …"

"[From De Joinville]: Now, I hold that, in most matrimonial instances, it is as well to provide for repentance ; and wealth has its advantages and its alleviations in affairs of the heart, as in all other affairs. It was by means of a golden bough that Æneas passed the evil spirits of Tartarus, and gained Elysium in safety."

"[From De Joinville]: But I consider that all individuals have but a certain portion of love in their composition, and it is a pity to exhaust it at once. Who are the persons with whom we remain on good terms to our old age? Why, those whom we never cared much about."

"[From De Joinville]: … the causes of inconstancy are much misunderstood. It is commonly said that love never lasts. Now, that is not so much from change, or that it exhausts itself, as that it is mixed up with the paltry cares and daily interests of life ; thus losing its ideality, which constitutes its great charm. Two lovers begin by reading poetry, and end by casting up bills together. The real reason why an unfortunate attachment outlasts the one more happy is, that it is less confounded with the commonplace of existence."

"[From De Joinville]: Ah! the truth is, that nobody knows anything about anybody. Our nearest and dearest friends have a thousand thoughts and feelings which we have never even suspected. We look in them only for what reflects our own. Our very sympathy is egotism."

"[From Francesca]: Nay, there is nothing which appears to me so much exaggerated as the common exclamations about the selfishness of human nature. We are a great deal better than we make ourselves out to be."

"[From Francesca]: Kind and generous impulses are rife in our nature. Look at the pity which springs spontaneously at the sight of affliction — witness the admiration so ready to welcome any great action ; and call to mind the thousand slight acts of kindness, almost unmarked, because of such daily occurrence."

"True enough was the Chevalier's assertion, that we know but little of even our most intimate friends — and yet this does not originate from want of sympathy ; it is rather owing to the extreme sensitiveness of all our more imaginative feelings. How many emotions rise in every heart which we never dream of communicating! They are too fine, too fragile, for expression, like those delicate hues of the atmosphere, which never yet could painter embody. Moreover, there is an odd sort of satisfaction which we all take in making ourselves other than we are. This is a species of deception which defies analysis, and is yet universally practised. Some make themselves out better, some worse, than they really are; but none give themselves their exact likeness. Perhaps it is that the ideal faculty is so strongly developed in us, that we cannot help exercising it even upon the reality of ourselves."

"But fortune takes a strange pleasure in mocking herself, and sometimes bestows all her gifts only to show how unavailing she can make them."

"Generally speaking, ambition grows upon the ruins of disappointed love; and we ask from honours and interests that delusion which we can no longer find in affection."

"— and quarrels are the common resource of the unoccupied —"

"It is a great error for the heart to hoard up that romance which is only graceful in youth — and it is dangerous, too ; for the feeling is as real and as keen, though no longer likely to meet return or sympathy."

"… ; but I never, for the life of me, could discover what consolation there is in knowing that we are suffering from our own folly. To my taste, it rather aggravates the ill ; for there is always a sort of comfort in being able to lay the blame on others."

"It is curious, in any great festival, to note the various motives that animate its crowd. Some — and these are the very young — are joyful in the mere delight of being dressed, and of going out ; some — and these are the very happy — look forward to meeting the individual at once their dream and their destiny. … … Others go as a matter of course; society is the business of their life, and attendance on a fête is a moral duty. Some go to see — more, to be seen ; some to be flattered — others, to flatter. Some go for the sake of their jewels — others, for themselves ; and at the close of the festival, how few come away but worn out with lassitude and discontent !"

"Climax of feminine indifference, she did not care how she looked !"

"I have heard a great deal said of the cheerfulness of music, lighted rooms, and a gay crowd. I only know, that the most melancholy moments of one's life are passed in such scenes. There is such a feeling of solitude — so much conversation going on in which you can take no interest — so many persons who care not whether you are living or dead — so many forced words and smiles — so much fatigue — such a mockery of gaiety — such a dragging together of strangers, who can have nothing in common —and so much neglect, impertinence, and indifference. A large festival always appears to me a funeral on a grand scale of all human graces, affections, and kindlinesses. Like dancing, it is a remnant of ancient barbarism — fit for the days of the Chaldeans or the Babylonians, when people were only amused through their eyes — the sole entertainment of which savage nations are susceptible."

"The actions on which we calculate and decide never bring the important consequences which we expected from them. It is the thoughtless, the careless, the unmarked of the minute, that set their seal upon our fate — that are the final and the fatal in their results."

"I do believe, that the rule of love at first sight, like all other rules, admits of exceptions — while so many characters and temperaments exist, no one law can extend to all ; but this I also believe, that love at first sight belongs to the highest and most imaginative order of passion — it stamps it at once with the seeming of destiny."

"Now, when you have acted upon impulse, there is something exceedingly provoking in being suspected of acting from some interested motive ;"

"They say many a heart is caught in the rebound ... Pride may be soothed by the ready devotion of another; vanity may be excited the more keenly by recent mortification. But the great characteristic of deep and true love is its entire indifference to all feelings and opinions except its own ;"

"We daily hear of crimes of all kinds, we are perfectly aware of their existence ; but we never think of their being perpetrated by those whom we actually know. We always deem our own circle secure."

"Well, custom is a surprising thing : and when we think how, from earliest infancy, we are surrounded by false impressions, undue rights, privileges, and prejudices, we may well marvel that there is such a thing as truth in the world. That it should be concealed, is far less wonderful than that it should ever be discovered. After all, the great error in human judgment is not so much wilful perversion, as that we judge according to situation, and always make that situation our own ; while the chances are, that we really have not one thought, feeling, or habit, in common with those on whom we yet think ourselves qualified to decide."

"[From de Joinville]: All profound truths startle you in their first announcement."

"[From de Joinville]: Singularity is never forgiven ; it is taken as a personal affront by all from whom we differ; it is an assumption of superiority ; and why should the general taste not be good enough for the generality ?"

"[From de Joinville]: My own vanity, which is great, makes me sensitive to that of others. And here I would observe, that love of admiration seems scarcely to be properly appreciated; it is the only bond of society; we could not otherwise endure each other. It is the true source of the sublime, and, my conscience obliges me to add, of the ridiculous. Still, it is the strong necessity of admiring each other, and the being admired in our turn, that has built cities, congregated multitudes, and organized what we call our present state of civilisation."

"[From de Joinville]: I own my memory is not good ; the fact is, that life is too short to be occupied by aught but the present — hope and remembrance are equally a waste of time."

"[From de Joinville]: Anybody's applause is better than nobody’s."

"[From de Joinville]: ... ; for most individuals, resembling short stories, are soon read to the end."

"[From de Joinville]: Half the character of wit must rely upon what is forgotten."

"... but death is the expected of old age — we anticipate its approach even before we know what it is ; the full of years seems but to have fulfilled his destiny. Sorrow is subdued by strong necessity ; there is no cause why life should be lengthened for our love ; and we feel that the worn and the decrepit do but go down into that grave which had received youth, health, beauty, — all that made existence precious — long before. But when the blow comes down in the fulness of expectation ; when the bough is smitten while green, and the flower cut down in its spring; when the young and lovely perish, while the eyes, full of light, were fixed on the future, — then, indeed, is the visitation heavy to bear."

"Unexpected kindness, though it be but a word or a glance, goes direct to the heart ;"

"One woman instantly penetrates the drift of another ; ..."

"It is a singular sensation the first time that we see the portrait of a friend after death. There is something of mockery in the very pleasure that it brings. The face, which we know to be mouldering in the dust, looks upon us, fresh with hues of health; there are the jewels, and the robe round the graceful form, now decaying in its shroud. Why should the work of man's hand outlast that of his Maker's ? — why should we have the semblance of life, whose breathing reality is no more ? We are not half thankful enough for the forgetfulness inherent even in our affections : did the first agony continue in all its keenness, who could endure to live ?"

"One useful lesson then sowed its first seeds within her mind — that, even more than pleasure, or sentiment, or reflection, life requires to be filled with active duties."

"It is a mortifying conviction to arrive at, that of being utterly forgotten even by those to whom we are indifferent."

"Spiritual pride came in support of spiritual exaltation. Louise felt raised above her species ; a voice had spoken within her inmost soul, whose revealings were vouchsafed but to the chosen few; and what had been indifference, was now disdain. This species of mystical misanthropy is, of all states of mind, the least accessible to the affections. It distrusts them as human, dreads them as perishable, and despises them as degrading ; and their renouncement, at first so bitter, soon becomes a triumph."

"Hopes and regrets are the sweetest links of existence — we pine to attach and be attached; …"

"It is a solace to confide our hopes, our feelings, and our thoughts ; but none to impart our mortifications, — their shame is heightened, not subdued, by sympathy."

"[From Richard Arden]: There are whole races marked out as the victims of a blind and terrible fatality; and circumstances, over which they themselves have no control, work out, unshunned and unsought, the wrong whereof they perish."

"[From Richard Arden]: The mule knows the hidden pitfalls of the morass ; the swallow feels the storm ere it comes upon the air, and wings to the quiet shelter of its nest — they foresee their dangers, and avoid them ; while we blindly rush forward into the depths of the pit and the fury of the tempest ; for we know not what evils await us. No kind foreknowledge gives us even the choice of avoidance."

"How often have I had my ideal destroyed, my pleasant imaginings checked and debased, by the ill-timed remark that changed their whole bearing ! Heaven knows, the observation was true enough ; still there are two ways of putting a fact, and one prefers that which lends a little enchantment to the view."

"… ; but absence, like charity, covers a multitude of sins ; …"

"Did we not daily observe them, we could not believe the instances of hard-heartedness evinced in social life — the neglect, the forgetfulness, and the ingratitude."

"Nothing is so soon lost in a crowd as affection ; we are in too great a hurry to attach ourselves to anything or anybody. What bitter knowledge is brought us by experience ! How do we grow cold, indifferent, and unbelieving — we, who were so affectionate, so eager, so confiding ! Perhaps we expect too much from others. Because an individual likes you, from some sudden impulse, from the effect of circumstances which drew both out agreeably, you have no right to rely on the continuance of that feeling ; a fresher impulse may counteract it — a newer situation lead it to some one else ; and you ought rather to be thankful for even the temporary warmth, than feel disappointed at its cessation. But though this is what it would be wise to do, it is not what we can do. Mutable as is our nature, it delights in the immutable: and we expect as much constancy as if all time had not shown that ever "the fashion of this world passeth away." And this alone would be to me the convincing proof of the immortality of the soul, or mind, or whatever is the animating principle of life. Whether it be the shadow cast from a previous existence, or an intuition of one to come, the love of that which lasts is an inherent impulse in our nature. Hence that constancy which is the ideal of love and friendship. Hence, too, that readiness of belief in the rewards and punishments of a future state held out by religion. From the commonest flower treasured, because its perfume out lives its beauty, to our noblest achievements where the mind puts forth all its power, we are prompted by that future which absorbs the present. The more we feel that we are finite, the more do we cling to the infinite."

"We grow attached unconsciously to the objects we see every day. We may not think so at the time — we may he discontented, and used to talk of their faults ; but let us be on the eve of quitting them for ever, and we find that they are dearer than we dreamed. The love of the inanimate is a general feeling. True, it makes no return of affection, neither does it disappoint it ; its associations are from our thoughts and emotions. We connect the hearth with the confidence which has poured forth the full soul in its dim twilight ; on the wall we have watched the shadows, less fantastic than the creations in which we have indulged. Over each and all is flung the strong link of habit — it is not to be broken without a pang."

"[From Francesca]: Even the very robbers, of whose ferocity we were wont to hear such tales in our own land, have usually possessed some redeeming trait which arose out of a yearning towards their kind."

"[From De Joinville]: {of Madame de Savoie} She uses a whole language to herself. Her discourse is an avalanche of words, beneath which the hearers are overwhelmed."