"Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now …"

"I refuse to let us go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe."

"[Walking up to residence of Ostrich farmer with many signs expressing zero tolerance for trespassing] I'm sensing som…"

"Dude, Where's My Car?"

"We will now use the power of the Continuum Transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey."

"Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery"

"Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg"

"Marla Sokoloff - Wilma"

"Kristy Swanson - Christie Boner"

"David Herman - Nelson"