poker

"The game that defines dictators much better [than chess] is poker because it’s about bluffs. It doesn’t matter whether you have a strong hand or weak hand. You can have a weak hand, but if you’re comfortable bluffing, raising stakes, and if you can read your opponent."

"I don't gamble, if you will concede that poker is a game of skill."

"All serious poker players try to minimize their tells, obviously. There are a couple ways to go about this. One is the robotic approach: where your face becomes a mask and your voice a monotone, at least while the hand is being played. The other is the manic method, where you affect a whole bunch of tics, twitches, and expressions, and mix them up with a river of insane babble. The idea is to overwhelm your opponents with clues, so they can't sort out what's going on. This approach can be effective, but for normal people it's hard to pull off. (If you've spent part of your life in an institution, this method may come naturally.)"

"I think that you find out whether you've got the qualities to win at poker by playing poker. ... Obviously, it helps to know the basic math of Fermat and Pascal, but everybody with any sense knows that stuff. But having the temperament where Fermat and Pascal are as much a part of you as your ear and nose — that's a different kind of a person. And I think it's hard to teach that."

"If after ten minutes at the poker table you do not know who the patsy is—you are the patsy."

"GLaDOS: Brock Sampson has been eliminated."

"GLaDOS: Actually, my scans indicate that Mr. Williams' hand is fully functional, and its nervous tapping appears to be induced by an outside force. I'll see if I can isolate it."

"GLaDOS: The robot from Pandora is out of chips."

"GLaDOS: Congratulations. You've converted a nearly unbeatable hand into a victory."

"GLaDOS: It appears you have lost all your chips. Oh well. It's only money. Your money. $20,000 of it. Right down the drain."

"Sam: Hey, I won again. I wonder what that means?"

"GLaDOS: Did you know that the term 'blinds' was coined by a blind poker in the 19th century? Of course you didn't. Because it's a lie. In any event, I'm upping the blinds to 1200 to 2400."

"GLaDOS: It's a mathematical certainty that 80% of you are going to lose tonight. And 100% of you will eventually die. (Beat) Math is fun, don't you think?"

"GLaDOS: Good evening. This completes the first test of the contestants' poker faces. Bad news is you all failed miserably. The good news is you appear to be evenly matched. (Departs)"

"GLaDOS: The player has been eliminated due to lack of funds. And intelligence."

"GLaDOS: Congratulations. You've won. I'm hoping you weren't expecting baked desserts, because I don't do that anymore."

"Max: [holding a chainsaw in front of Ash] Looking for something? Check it out, Sam! I'm a tree surgeon!"

"Ash: You're killing me here, GLaDOS."

"GLaDOS: (ring) Excuse me. I have to take this. Something or someone appears to be exploding back at the lab. (powers down)"

"GLaDOS: Management froze me out of the lighting systems after I created a strobe effect to induce seizures in a bus full of freemasons. It was an... illuminating experiment."