"G'day! I'm Steve Irwin! You might know me as the Crocodile Hunter! Have a look at this little beauty, will ya? [appears at the Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios logo] This is an African lion! Oh, I'm in no danger, he's become a Hollywood lion! He's been sitting in this MGM logo for 77 years! Tough job, mate. Of course, in my new movie, The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course, we make this bloke look like a real pussycat! Yeah, the lion may be the apex predator in Africa, but in Australia, crocs rule! Everything about Collision Course is big, REAL BIG! But there's one big problem... [to the Lion] It's you, mate! He's too tame! Come on, get out of there ya little devil! [a crocodile now appears in the MGM logo] Crikey! Now that's more like it! Steady, mate, steady..."

"Our job is to locate the croc, jump it, try and get it into the boat and then relocate it into a section of the river where it'll never run into a conflict with people again. Now, it's not the croc's fault. He doesn't come into our swimming pool. We're actually going into his. They're apex predators right at the top of the food chain and without crocodiles, the whole ecosystem would suffer. We've got to catch this croc. Otherwise, they'll shoot it dead and turn it into boots, bags and belts."

"It's CROC savin' time!"

"You know, those army blokes seemed pretty upset about their metal ball. They reckoned it was real valuable. Of all the gear those blokes get to play with, you'd think a kid's top would be the last thing they'd need. And that grumpy rancher has joined the Fauna and Fisheries Department as a volunteer. But she's still having a little bit of trouble dealing with crocodiles. And check this out. The US government gave us those two pesky poachers to work at Australia Zoo for nothing! And I reckon, after I give them a full Steve-o education, we'll be able to return them back to the wild where they belong. And that crocodile's happy. Real happy. He's now got himself a couple of gorgeous- looking Sheilas. Well, we're back to our adventure. See ya."

"A lot of people think that snakes are evil, ugly monsters that cruise around killing people."

"Steve's been catching crocodiles this way with his dad since he was a small boy. But the real dangerous part is judging the size of the croc before jumping it."

"The two blokes look like they've never been out of an office. The girl might chip a fingernail if she's not careful."

"[on the phone] You mean that guy in the Khaki Shorts? That dude from the Discovery Channel?"

"His First Big-Screen Adventure!"

"Alison, this is Barry Hollis my stalker."

"The pen took control of my hand, before i new it Alison Ashley was listed 1st on my camp cabin list!!"

"Sure I'll come to after Erica shows you the freak show I'll show you the good bits."

"Barry Hollis is the school bully. He represents the dark side of the school."

"He is a dumb guy."

"Last night i spent hours going threw your assignments on Greenland and afterward I felt dirty like a part of my life had be stolen forever so now I'm going to steal a part of yours."

"Ahhh James Adams what can I say about half a page off Democracy obscene dribble written in red pen that confuses Greenland with Queensland, Ahhh I know. Tom Burrow on the net are we? And now for Masa Miss Finland in the national flag well fascinating to you it doesn't constitute in depth research does it. As usual Erica's assignment was the exception it was legible it made some sense and most importantly it got the right country."

"Sakskia Burmeister - Erika Yurken (Yuk or Yurken)"

"Delta Goodrem - Alison Ashley"

"Alex Cappelli - Barry Hollis"

"Jean Kittson - Miss Nigella Belmont."

"In a matter of weeks Miss Belmont had crushed us like insects, I liked her."