Xenu

"As one ascends further into the levels of Scientology, new doctrinal points are revealed. A variety of problems afflicting the human race are explained as caused by an event that took place 75 million years ago. Humanity lives in an illusion that is due to a long chain of events ultimately traceable back to a cosmic cataclysm caused by the ruler of our local part of the universe, an entity named Xenu. These esoteric doctrines are clearly influenced by science fiction themes of contemporary popular culture."

"Among the material the church has been trying to suppress is what might be called a "genesis myth of Scientology": a story about a galactic despot named Xenu who decided 75 million years ago to kill a bunch of people by chaining them to volcanoes and dropping nuclear bombs on them. (Apart from anything else, this sort of aggression on Xenu's part strikes me as a excessive — volcano chaining or nuclear bombing, but not both!) … Does a "church" normally have "competitors" in the trade secret sense? If the Catholics got hold of the full facts about Xenu, does this mean they'll get more market share?"

"Scientologists believe that most human problems can be traced to lingering spirits of an extraterrestrial people massacred by their ruler, Xenu, over 75 million years ago. These spirits attach themselves by “clusters” to individuals in the contemporary world, causing spiritual harm and negatively influencing the lives of their hosts."

"Hubbard kept adding steps, each more costly, for his followers to climb. In the 1960s the guru decreed that humans are made of clusters of spirits (or "thetans") who were banished to earth some 75 million years ago by a cruel galactic ruler named Xenu. Naturally, those thetans had to be audited."

"L Ron wrote that 75 million years ago an intergalactic space alien lord called Xenu kidnapped Thetans to earth, dumped them in volcanoes and blew them up with atomic bombs. Ex-Scientologists have insisted to me that Xenu is part of Scientology. If so, it is a religion that requires its followers not to tell others about its core belief, which is very odd. Critics say that if we all knew about Xenu, then Scientology could not charge people as much as £100,000 to find out about him."

"I can stop you. I know what you're talking about. I'm familiar with the material. I think what you're getting at is the confidential scriptures of the Church."

"Well, John, does that sound silly to you? I mean it's unrecognizable to me."

"That's not what we believe."

"John I already answered this.. let us know what you're talking about, it's like loony. It's weird.. makes you look weird."

"It is not a story, it is an auditing level. I'm not explaining it to you, and I could not explain it to you. You don't have a hope of understanding it."

"Do you know that the incident, the 75 million year ago incident has been a matter of public record for many years?"

"The discussion of the -- of the volcanoes, the explosions, the Galactic confederation 75 million years ago, and a gentleman by the name Xemu there. Those are not trade secrets."

"Talk about the Van Allen Belt or whatever is that, that forms no part of current Scientology, none whatsoever. Well, you know, quite frankly, this tape here, he's talking about the origins of the universe, and I think you're going to find that in any, any, any religion, and I think you can make the same mockery of it. I think it's offensive that you're doing it here, because I don't think you'd do it somewhere else."

"That's the end of that subject."

"That's when you first come into contact with the Xenu story."

"75 million years ago, Xenu was an evil galactic dictator who had some problem with billions of his people, so he loaded them into spaceships that looked exactly like DC-8s. Even worse, he charged them twenty-five dollars if they had extra luggage. Then, Xenu brought them here to Earth where he stacked their bodies around volcanoes, which he then blew up with Hydrogen bombs."

"That's the guy from like 75 trillion years ago who drugged mankind and nuked 'em in volcanoes. What was his name - Xenu."

"Scientologists also believe that 75 million years ago, an evil galactic warlord … an evil warlord by the name of Xenu dumped 13 trillion aliens from different planets into the Earth's volcanoes and then vaporized them with H-Bombs. And the radioactive souls of these these poor, vaporized alien creatures continue to enter into our bodies implanting engrams and false ideas about Christ and God and psychiatry, and that's why we have to purge ourselves of all of these engrams."

"Could you believe that 75 million years ago, Xenu froze hundreds of billions of people and dropped them into volcanoes on Earth, before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs?"

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"

"You see, Stan, there is a reason for people feeling sad and depressed. An alien reason. It all began 75 million years ago. Back then there was a galactic federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil Lord Xenu. Xenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated, and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets, and then had those aliens frozen. The frozen alien bodies were loaded onto Xenu's galactic cruisers, which looked like DC-8s, except with rocket engines. The cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, to Earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of Hawaii. The aliens were no longer frozen, they were dead. The souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky. But the evil Lord Xenu had prepared for this. Xenu didn't want their souls to return! And so he built giant soul-catchers in the sky! The souls were taken to a huge soul brain-washing facility, which Xenu had also built on Earth. There the souls were forced to watch days of brainwashing material which tricked them into believing a false reality. Xenu then released the alien souls, which roamed the earth aimlessly in a fog of confusion. At the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they can grab onto. They attached themselves to all mankind, which still to this day causes all our fears, our confusions, and our problems."

"Mwahaha! Instead of inspecting your taxes, I will feed you a special potion to paralyze you."

"They had elected a fellow by the name of Xenu to the supreme ruler and they were about to un-elect him. And he took the last moments he had in office to really goof the floof."

"Simultaneously, the planted charges erupted. Atomic blasts ballooned from the craters of Loa, Vesuvius, Shasta, Washington, Fujiyama, Etna, and many, many others. Arching higher and higher, up and outwards, towering clouds mushroomed, shot through with flashes of flame, waste and fission. Great winds raced tumultuously across the face of Earth, spreading tales of destruction..."