The Goodbye Girl

"I play the guitar whenever I cannot sleep, and I meditate every morning, complete with chanting and burning incense, so if you have to walk around I'd appreciate a little tiptoeing. Also: I sleep in the nude. "Au buffo." Winter and summer, rain or snow, with the windows open. And because I may have to go to the potty or to the fridge in the middle of the night, and because I do not want to put on jammies which I do not own in the first place, unless you're looking for a quick thrill or your daughter an advanced education I'd keep my door closed."

"I will bring home anyone or anything I chose including a one-eyed Episcopalian Kangaroo if that happens to be my kinky inclination."

"If you were a Broadway musical, people would be humming your face."

""It never occurred to us that William Shakespeare wrote the Wizard of Oz. However, Elliot Garfield makes a splendid Wicked Witch of the North." Tacky. Tacky. Well, if they're gonna kill me. Let 'em kill me with panache."

"Miss McFadden, today I begin rehearsals for my first New York play. It will be the most important day of my life. Am I nervous? No, I am not nervous. For I have meditated. I am relaxed. I am calm. I am confident. You, on the other hand, have not meditated, and therefore you are a pain in the ass."

"My careereth is over. I am making a horseth asseth of myselfeth. Mark, I'm begging you. I'm BEGGING you. You want this kind of performance? Let me play Lady Anne."

"What is it about you that makes a man with a hundred forty-seven I.Q. feel like a dribbling idiot?"

"You know I liked you from the first time I met you when you answered the door. I said to myself, "This is the best half-a-face I ever saw!""

"You know I love listening to you talk. I hate living with you but your conversation is first rate."

"You're not the only one who can yell rape, you know."

"Thank you Neil Simon for making us laugh at falling in love…again."

"Richard Dreyfuss - Elliott Garfield"

"Marsha Mason - Paula McFadden"

"Quinn Cummings - Lucy McFadden"

"Paul Benedict - Mark"

"Barbara Rhoades - Donna"

"Theresa Merritt - Mrs. Crosby"

"Michael Shawn - Ronnie"

"Patricia Pearcy - Rhonda"