Joe Bob Briggs

"The man is ugly, the man is evil, and the man is in love. This is gonna be an American classic."

"I made the mistake of watching "A.I." on cable the week they showed it about 792 times, and I ended up watching it every time it was on."

"Speaking of things that'll make your head explode, "Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story" finally made it to the drive-in"

"The fifties were when people started coming down on "juvenile delinquents," "hoodlums," "vandals"--anybody that was young, wore a motorcycle jacket, and didn't act polite around older people."

"I think we should take money from everyone," I told her, "regardless of their ability to pay. After all, this is America."

"Menahem Golan, the Israeli king of the ninja flick, announced he was producing the remake."

"Eleven dead bodies. One dead cat. No breasts."

"If you know what I mean, and I think you do."

"Joe Bob says check it out."