Craig Brown

"Politicians have prolonged deaths. In a way, they begin to die the moment they leave office, and their deaths continue thereafter as each of their identifying characteristics – this bold new drive, that exciting new initiative – goes up in smoke, borne away on the winds of change."

"Reticence is not just an artistic virtue, but a human one. It acknowledges the depth of meaning to be found in words unspoken."

"The parodist is particularly prone to see products of his imagination wherever he turns. When I read newspaper columnists, I find it hard to believe they are not making fun of themselves especially for me. Or did I, in a moment of forgetfulness, write that piece by Germaine Greer or this piece by Jeremy Clarkson? If so, how could I possibly have been so cruel?"

"Signs are a peculiarly British disease, the result of too many bureaucrats overseeing too little Empire. It may well be that Britons never ever, ever shall be slaves, but it can't be long before we are obliged to carry signs making it clear that this is the case."