200 Cigarettes

"I've dated enough narcissistically neurotic men to know that you are all just a pack of roving babies in search of a giant teat from which to suck the lifeblood out of me until I am a hollow shell."

"You bring me over here, and you tell me I'm the worst lover you ever had. And now you tell me it can't be helped."

"Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with people?"

"You let somebody move in with you, you make all these little compromises to smooth things along, and the next thing you know, you're on some macrobiotic diet and you're listening to Joni Mitchell."

"Throwing a party it's like... it's like an invitation for abuse. It's like the last desperate act of someone who hasn't had a lasting relationship since Junior High."

"So, how do you like your eggs done in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?"

"And I'm not gay, okay? I get that all the time. No, I'm not gay."

"Those clothes and my clothes would look good on my floor."

"Everybody's having fun out here. They drinking, they fighting, they pissing on the streets. It's New Year's Eve. They loving the ladies."

"One of the ugliest bitches I've ever seen in my life rolled up, and I'm not one to call women ugly, but I think this woman was, because she had a penis."

"If you remember anything that I tell you, remember this: James Brown is the baddest motherfucker in show business."

"It's 11:59 on New Year's Eve. Do you know where your date is?"

"Ben Affleck - Bartender"

"Casey Affleck - Tom"

"Caleb Carr - Cynical Bar Patron"

"Dave Chappelle - Disco Cabbie"

"Elvis Costello - Himself"

"Guillermo Díaz - Dave"

"Angela Featherstone - Caitlyn"

"Janeane Garofalo - Ellie"

"Gaby Hoffmann - Stephie"

"Kate Hudson - Cindy"

"Catherine Kellner - Hillary"

"Courtney Love - Lucy"

"Brian McCardie - Eric"

"Jay Mohr - Jack"

"Nicole Ari Parker - Bridget"

"Martha Plimpton - Monica"

"Christina Ricci - Val"

"Paul Rudd - Kevin"