Webcomics

"Faye: So, what, if I try to throw myself at some crappy boy you're gonna tackle me?"

"Marten: After what happened with Sven, I don't wanna see you get hurt like that again."

"Hannelore: My name is Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham. I end messes."

"Faye: My right boob sags a little more than my left. I call it the Underachiever."

"Hannelore: Marten, your girlfriend is thinking dirty thoughts about me! Make her stop!"

"Marten: I could try and explain, or you could just watch a random episode of "Days of our Lives.""

"Steve: Any recent Faye drama I should be aware of?"

"Sven: I'd self-immolate but I wouldn't want to inconvenience the neighbors."

"Marten: There are other fish in the sea, and they're not all Asshole Cod."

"Lydia: I'm double majoring in Music and Being a Decent Human Being."

"Sven: Since when do you get to judge my worth as a person? You're my intern, not my conscience."

"Hannelore: Beethoven's Fifth reminds me of Canada. I don't know why. I've never been to Canada."

"Marten: I gotta get some stronger deodorant."

"Tai: People in committed relationships emit a pheromone that makes them more attractive."

"Marten: Dammit, how come girls are only interested in me now that I'm dating someone?!"

"Sven: A good relationship is like fireworks: loud, explosive, and liable to maim you if you hold on too long."

"Pintsize: What do humans typically do when they find themselves leaking an unknown substance from one of their orifices?"

"Marten: Man, I wish I'd had those kind of female acquaintances back in college."

"Faye: Sven and I are acquaintances, who occasionally happen to bump into each other. Naked. With our crotches."

"Sven: What am I supposed to say, "I'm sorry my friend is a creepy motherfucker, but will you please go out on a date with him anyway?""

"Tai: Th-that was probably just somebody's escaped tarantula. Right?"

"Faye: There once was a girl named Penelope"

"Pintsize: Human cusswords focus on mating, excretion and genitalia. Robot cusswords focus on mashing on homerow. ASDF is a four-letter word."

"Sven: "Roses are red,"

"Hannelore: As far as pathogens go, friendship is pretty okay."

"Hannelore: Really? So you're NOT all highly-trained actors being paid off by my parents to offer me the illusion of a normal social life?"

"Raven: I might not be the sharpest bulb in the box but I'm not THAT gullible."

"Faye: That's a bit... clinical for pillow talk."

"Hannelore: "Boy, that sure triggered a lot of MY dopamine receptors! Thanks for helping me trick my body into believing it fulfilled its genetic imperative!""

"Faye: Um, I guess you COULD..."

"Hannelore: I mean, do you say "thank you" or "good job" or "that was fun" or what?"

"Faye: Huh?"

"Hannelore: When you're done having, uh, sex, what do you say?"

"Hannelore: Man, good thing human females don't have venomous ovipositors, huh?"

"Faye: Are you always this smug after you ravish a lady?"

"Sven: I see flashing lights, dudes in hard hats waving flags, and about three miles of caution tape. There's a big sign that says "DETOUR - ANY OTHER FEMALE IN EXISTENCE.""

"Faye: You DO know that Hanners is off-limits, right?"

"Marten: I wonder what cymbal testers do for fun. Hihat scrimshaw? Novelty gong-craft? Or do they just go home, take twenty Advils, and listen to the soothing sounds of felt?"

"Steve: Holy shit. He's a serial killer. He has to be. NOBODY'S that perfect."

"Faye: My chest is not the Make-A-Wish Foundation!"

"Hannelore: Oh! It was a pun! I'm sorry. Daddy didn't allow puns when I was growing up."

"Marten: In Canada they have socialized asskicking. It's called "hockey.""

"Faye: And common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW."

"Marten: If that's true, then wisdom is knowing that you'll be an idiot in the future."

"Dora: Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past."

"Dora [to Hannelore]: Your mom should write a book "Everything I Needed to Know About Management I Learned From Watching James Bond Movies.""

"Faye: Well that's just awful. I have just the thing to cheer you up, though - a 100% genuine unicorn hair, guaranteed to grant you eternal life. Only two thousand dollars!"

"Faye: If I became physically attracted to things that irked me, the world would burst into flame from the friction of my furious humping."

"Hannelore: Can I HANDLE it? I am a cleaning NINJA. I'll make that dirt my BITCH."

"Pintsize: Mom?!"