First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"Jade Yorker - Willie Weathers, HB"
"David Thomas - Kelvin Owens, WR/DB"
"Setu Taase - Junior Palaita, FB/HB"
"Trever O'Brien - Kenny Bates, WR"
"Brandon Mychal Smith - 'Bug' Wendal"
"Maurice McRae - Leon Hayes, QB"
"Jurnee Smollett - Danyelle Rollins"
"Michael J. Pagan - Roger Weathers"
"James Earl - Donald Madlock, OL/DL"
"Jamal Mixon - Jermaine Evans"
"Danny Martinez - Miguel Perez, WR/DB"
"Omari Hardwick - 'Free'"
"Mary Mara - Mrs. Bates"
"Michael Jace - Mr. Jones"
"Anna Maria Horsford - Sharon Weathers"
"Dan Martin - Terrell Rollins"
"You'll play basketball my way. My way is hard."
"Emily Deschanel - Mary Haskins"
"Damaine Radcliff - Willie 'Scoops' Cager"
"Sam Jones III - Willie Worsley"
"Mehcad Brooks - Harry Flournoy"
"Alphonso McAuley - Orsten Artis"
"Schin A.S. Kerr - David Lattin"
"Evan Jones - Moe Iba"
"Jon Voight - Adolph Rupp"
"Austin Nichols - Jerry Armstrong"
"Derek Luke - Bobby Joe Hill"
"Josh Lucas - Don Haskins"
"[after a pass is stolen by Bobby Joe Hill] That's what happens when you don't talk to each other!"
"Hey, hey, Winnaker, Winnaker, do you want me to get you a skirt? I'll get you a skirt if you keep playing like a girl!"
"A comedy with bats and balls."
"Pedro Cerrano: [having decided on a new use for Dorn's golf club covers] Hats for bats, keep bats warm."
"Eddie Harris: Yo, bartender, Jobu needs a refill."
"Eddie Harris: Are you trying to say that Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"
"Eddie Harris: Up your butt, Jobu."
"[Contemplating Rick Vaughn in sleeveless uniform] Alright, Vaughn. They tell us you're a pitcher; you're sure not much of a dresser. We wear caps and sleeves at this level, son! Understood?"
"[After Dorn has jumped out of the way of a ground ball and then tried to field it anyway] C'mon, Dorn ! Get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this '¡Olé!' bullshit!"
"Well, you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit. With your speed, you should be hitting the ball on the ground and be legging them out. Every time I see you hit one in the air, you owe me twenty push-ups."
"[After Hayes has made a Willie Mays style basket catch] Nice catch, Hayes. Don't ever fucking do it again."
"Forget about the curve ball, Ricky. Give him the heater!"
"And the Indians win it! The Indians win it! OH MY GOD, THE INDIANS WIN IT!"
"And for the Indians, that's one run on, let's see...one hit? That's all we got?, one goddamn hit? [Monty: You can't say "goddamn" on the air!] Don't worry; nobody's listening anyway."
"Hayes is picked off! Well, so much for that. Personally I think we got hosed on that call."
"Heywood's a convicted felon, isn't he Monty? [Monty: Ah...doesn't really say it here.] Well, he should be!"
"We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a helluva job."
"Well, you can close the book on Kellner. [covers microphone with hand and turns to Monty] Thank God!"
"Vaughn deals...and Heywood swings and crushes one towards South America. Tomlinson will need a visa to catch this one, it is out of here and there is nothing left but a vapor trail. [extended version] Let's hope we still have diplomatic relations with the country that baby lands in."
"Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories, including nose hair. When this guy sneezes, he looks like a party favor."
"The post-game show is brought to you by... [searches through his papers] Christ, I can't find it. The hell with it!"
"Just a reminder fans about Die Hard Night coming up here in the stadium. Free admission to anyone who was actually alive the last time the Indians won the pennant. [35 years prior.]"